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Trumps ex member Mike Flynn has been offered by Turkey. As written in the article, "Ex-trump aide Mike Flynn offered 15 million by Turkey for Gulen". Mike flynn has been offered $15 million.

      • These sentences repeat information that could be condensed into one sentence; Donald Trump's ex-aide Mike Flynn has been offered $15 million by Turkey "for Gulen."

As stated in the article, "Ex-national security adviser Michael Flynn and his son discussed the alleged plot with Turkish representatives, NBC News and Wall Street Journal report.The matter is said to be under scrutiny in the wider Justice Department probe into alleged Russian election meddling.Mr Flynn quit after misleading the White House about meeting an envoy".

      • You should discuss here what "plot" is referenced in the sentence, also edited for proper punctuation; As stated in the article, "Ex-national security adviser Michael Flynn and his son discussed the alleged plot with Turkish representatives, NBC News and Wall Street Journal report. The matter is said to be under scrutiny in the wider Justice Department probe into alleged Russian election meddling. Mr. Flynn quit after misleading the White House about meeting an envoy."

In other words they discussed the 15 million dollars!

      • The quote does not indicate that they discussed the money, I would suggest using a different quote or using this sentence to expand on why the quoted material is important to your reader. For example, "The discovery of this meeting comes after months of speculation about Russian involvement in U.S. elections."

In article it also states, "Mr Flynn was serving on the White House transition team during the reported meeting, which came a month before he joined the Trump administration.He also met Turkish representatives in September last year, according to Mr Woolsey, a board member for Mr Flynn's consultancy.Mr Woolsey has previously told CNN that in September, "there was at least some strong suggestion by one or more of the Americans present at the meeting that we would be able, the United States would be able, through them, to be able to get hold of Gulen".NBC reported that federal investigators are also looking into whether Mr Flynn tried to push for the return of Mr Gulen to Turkey during his time as White House national security adviser.Mr Flynn's attorney did not immediately respond to a request for comment from the BBC".

      • You are using too many quotes instead of your own words. Try to find a short sentence and then summarize in your own way what it tells the reader, corrected punctuation (the period goes inside the quotation mark) and tense use; In article it is also stated, "Mr Flynn was serving on the White House transition team during the reported meeting, which came a month before he joined the Trump administration. He also met Turkish representatives in September last year, according to Mr. Woolsey, a board member for Mr. Flynn's consultancy. Mr. Woolsey has previously told CNN that in September, "there was at least some strong suggestion by one or more of the Americans present at the meeting that we would be able, the United States would be able, through them, to be able to get hold of Gulen." NBC reported that federal investigators are also looking into whether Mr. Flynn tried to push for the return of Mr. Gulen to Turkey during his time as White House national security adviser. Mr. Flynn's attorney did not immediately respond to a request for comment from the BBC."

It also states, "In 2016, his consultancy Flynn Intel Group was paid $530,000 for lobbying on behalf of the Turkish government - work which required him to register as "a foreign agent".His lawyer later said Mr Flynn did not register because he was working for a Turkish businessman, rather than a government official.Investigators are also looking into the actions of his son, Michel Flynn Jr, who worked closely with him at Flynn Intel Group".

      • Corrected punctuation; It also states, "In 2016, his consultancy Flynn Intel Group was paid $530,000 for lobbying on behalf of the Turkish government - work which required him to register as "a foreign agent." His lawyer later said Mr. Flynn did not register because he was working for a Turkish businessman, rather than a government official. Investigators are also looking into the actions of his son, Michel Flynn Jr, who worked closely with him at Flynn Intel Group."

Trumps ex member Mike Flynn has been offered by Turkey. As written in the article, "Ex-trump aide Mike Flynn offered 15 million by Turkey for Gulen". Mike flynn has been offered $15 million. As stated in the article, "Ex-national security adviser Michael Flynn and his son discussed the alleged plot with Turkish representatives, NBC News and Wall Street Journal report.The matter is said to be under scrutiny in the wider Justice Department probe into alleged Russian election meddling.Mr Flynn quit after misleading the White House about meeting an envoy". In other words they discussed the 15 million dollars! In article it also states, "Mr Flynn was serving on the White House transition team during the reported meeting, which came a month before he joined the Trump administration.He also met Turkish representatives in September last year, according to Mr Woolsey, a board member for Mr Flynn's consultancy.Mr Woolsey has previously told CNN that in September, "there was at least some strong suggestion by one or more of the Americans present at the meeting that we would be able, the United States would be able, through them, to be able to get hold of Gulen".NBC reported that federal investigators are also looking into whether Mr Flynn tried to push for the return of Mr Gulen to Turkey during his time as White House national security adviser.Mr Flynn's attorney did not immediately respond to a request for comment from the BBC". It also states, "In 2016, his consultancy Flynn Intel Group was paid $530,000 for lobbying on behalf of the Turkish government - work which required him to register as "a foreign agent".His lawyer later said Mr Flynn did not register because he was working for a Turkish businessman, rather than a government official.Investigators are also looking into the actions of his son, Michel Flynn Jr, who worked closely with him at Flynn Intel Group".

Edited Article: No title

Donald Trump's ex-aide Mike Flynn has been offered $15 million by Turkey "for Gulen." As stated in the article, "Ex-national security adviser Michael Flynn and his son discussed the alleged plot with Turkish representatives, NBC News and Wall Street Journal report. The matter is said to be under scrutiny in the wider Justice Department probe into alleged Russian election meddling. Mr. Flynn quit after misleading the White House about meeting an envoy." The discovery of this meeting comes after months of speculation about Russian involvement in U.S. elections. In the article it is also stated, "Mr. Flynn was serving on the White House transition team during the reported meeting, which came a month before he joined the Trump administration. He also met Turkish representatives in September last year, according to Mr. Woolsey, a board member for Mr. Flynn's consultancy. Mr. Woolsey has previously told CNN that in September, "there was at least some strong suggestion by one or more of the Americans present at the meeting that we would be able, the United States would be able, through them, to be able to get hold of Gulen." NBC reported that federal investigators are also looking into whether Mr. Flynn tried to push for the return of Mr. Gulen to Turkey during his time as White House national security adviser. Mr. Flynn's attorney did not immediately respond to a request for comment from the BBC." It also states, "In 2016, his consultancy Flynn Intel Group was paid $530,000 for lobbying on behalf of the Turkish government - work which required him to register as "a foreign agent." His lawyer later said Mr. Flynn did not register because he was working for a Turkish businessman, rather than a government official. Investigators are also looking into the actions of his son, Michel Flynn Jr, who worked closely with him at Flynn Intel Group."


      • Make sure to include your source and re-write the title. You need to work on how to use quotes, both grammatically (punctuation, citing, etc.) and in terms of content (engaging with the quote to support your own argument).

Edited by Laurel Copes






Chinese new drone

      • Edited for clarity; Chinese Unveil New Drone

At Global Fortune Forum event, the chinese government presented largest drone swarm ever deployed.

      • Edited for grammar; At the Global Fortune Forum event in 2017, the Chinese government presented the largest drone swarm ever deployed.

Swarming drones, also known as distributed collaborative systems, are flocks of small unmanned aerial vehicles that can move and act as a group with only limited human intervention.

This is very important for future of aviation. Because these drone can be used in spaced and it can be also used in arsenal of anti-stealth drones, hypersonic spy planes and high-altitude airships.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; This is very important for the future of aviation because these drones can be used in space and in an arsenal of anti-stealth drones, hypersonic spy planes, and high-altitude airships.

This is important because this can help china in aviation technology and it improve there military.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; These advances will help China in their aviation technology and will improve their military.

Thus, why United State should improve our aviation and drone technology.

      • Edited for grammar; Thus, why the United States should improve their own aviation and drone technology.

Chinese new drone At Global Fortune Forum event, the chinese government presented largest drone swarm ever deployed. Swarming drones, also known as distributed collaborative systems, are flocks of small unmanned aerial vehicles that can move and act as a group with only limited human intervention. This is very important for future of aviation. Because these drone can be used in spaced and it can be also used in arsenal of anti-stealth drones, hypersonic spy planes and high-altitude airships. This is important because this can help china in aviation technology and it improve there military. Thus, why United State should improve our aviation and drone technology.

Fully Edited Article: Chinese Unveil New Drone At the Global Fortune Forum event in 2017, the Chinese government presented the largest drone swarm ever deployed. This is very important for the future of aviation because these drones can be used in space and in an arsenal of anti-stealth drones, hypersonic spy planes, and high-altitude airships. These advances will help China in their aviation technology and will improve their military. Thus, why the United States should improve their own aviation and drone technology.

      • Do not continue to copy work from other articles. You must write your own sentences and give credit when you use any source material. Watch out for article use, you often miss writing in "a, an, or the."

source:https://www.popsci.com/china-drone-swarms#page-3




Climate change effecting everything

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; Climate Change Affects Everything

Climate changes have started cause certain fish spices to be suffocating.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; Climate changes have started to cause certain fish species to suffocate.

A billfish expert says that he saw blue marlin off the Ivory Coast and Ghana, Jamaica and Brazil, and he’d never seen anything like it. But it turns out were trying to avoid suffocation.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; A billfish expert states that he observed blue marlin off of the Ivory Coast, Ghana, Jamaica, and Brazil and that he had never seen anything like it. However, it turns out they were trying to avoid suffocation.

Marlin near Guatemala and Costa Rica wouldn't plunge into the murky depths because they were avoiding a deep, gigantic and expanding swath of water that contained too little oxygen.

      • This is plagiarism, you MUST restate this in your own words or quote it directly with credit to the writer.

As they research marine waters, even far out in the high seas, are losing oxygen thanks to climate change, upending where and how sea creatures live.

      • ^^ This is plagiarism.

This is important because it shows how important climate change is and how much its affecting the ecosystem and creature around the world.

      • Edited for grammar; This is important because it demonstrates how important climate change is and how much it affects various ecosystems and creatures around the world.

Thus why we should take climate change more seriously to community.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; Thus, we must take climate change more seriously in our communities.

Climate change effecting everything Climate changes have started cause certain fish spices to be suffocating. A billfish expert says that he saw blue marlin off the Ivory Coast and Ghana, Jamaica and Brazil, and he’d never seen anything like it. But it turns out were trying to avoid suffocation. Marlin near Guatemala and Costa Rica wouldn't plunge into the murky depths because they were avoiding a deep, gigantic and expanding swath of water that contained too little oxygen. As they research marine waters, even far out in the high seas, are losing oxygen thanks to climate change, upending where and how sea creatures live. This is important because it shows how important climate change is and how much its affecting the ecosystem and creature around the world. Thus why we should take climate change more seriously to community.

Fully Edited Article: Climate Change Affects Everything

Climate changes have started to cause certain fish species to suffocate. A billfish expert states that he observed blue marlin off of the Ivory Coast, Ghana, Jamaica, and Brazil and that he had never seen anything like it. However, it turns out they were trying to avoid suffocation. This is important because it demonstrates how important climate change is and how much it affects various ecosystems and creatures around the world. Thus, we must take climate change more seriously in our communities.

      • I included the edited sentences above, but you need to rework the ones where I indicated plagiarism. For the edited ones, focus on grammar.

Edited by Laurel Copes

source:https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2018/01/climate-change-suffocating-low-oxygen-zones-ocean/




Cybertic evolution

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; The Impact of Cybernetics on Human Evolution

As robotics prosthetics and medical technology gets improved humans are getting closer to becoming a cybernetic organism.

      • Edited for grammar; As robotic prosthetics and medical technologies are improved, humans are getting closer to becoming cybernetic organisms.

Due to the rapid evolution of our technology it allowed Neil Harbisson, to be one of the those cybernetic organism or also known as cyborg.

      • Edited for grammar; Due to the rapid evolution of our technology, Neil Harbisson has been able to become one of these cybernetic organisms, also known as a cyborg.

He was a artist was born with achromatopsia, or complete color-blindness.

      • Edited for grammar; He is an artist that was born with achromatopsia or complete color-blindness.

He has an antenna-like sensor implanted in his head that could translates different wavelengths into vibrations on his skull. This allows him to percive the colors.

      • Edited for grammar; He has an antenna-like sensor implanted in his head that can translate various wavelengths into vibrations on his skull. This allows him to perceive colors.

According to some scientist they stated that "we start printing our own sense organs, implanted with DNA instead of using chips, the possibility of having children born with these senses is real".

      • Edited for grammar; Some scientists have stated that "we start printing our own sense organs, implanted with DNA instead of using chips, the possibility of having children born with these senses is real."

This means that more human with disablilty might become more cyborg.

      • Edited for paragraph structure; According to this, more humans with disabilities might become cyborgs.

source:https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/04/evolution-genetics-medicine-brain-technology-cyborg/

As robotics prosthetics and medical technology gets improved humans are getting closer to becoming a cybernetic organism. Due to rapid evolution of our technology it allowed Neil Harbisson, to be one of the those cybernetic organism or also known as cyborg. He was a artist was born with achromatopsia, or complete color-blindness. He has an antenna-like sensor implanted in his head that could translates different wavelengths into vibrations on his skull. This allows him to percive the colors. According to some scientist they stated that "we start printing our own sense organs, implanted with DNA instead of using chips, the possibility of having children born with these senses is real". This means that more human with disablilty might become more cyborg. source:https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/04/evolution-genetics-medicine-brain-technology-cyborg/

Fully Edited Article: The Impact of Cybernetics on Human Evolution

As robotic prosthetics and medical technologies are improved, humans are getting closer to becoming cybernetic organisms. Due to the rapid evolution of our technology, Neil Harbisson has been able to become one of these cybernetic organisms, also known as a cyborg. He is an artist that was born with achromatopsia or complete color-blindness. He has an antenna-like sensor implanted in his head that can translate various wavelengths into vibrations on his skull. This allows him to perceive colors. Some scientists have stated that "we start printing our own sense organs, implanted with DNA instead of using chips, the possibility of having children born with these senses is real." According to this, more humans with disabilities might become cyborgs.

      • You need to work on subject-verb agreement and using plural subjects.

Edited by Laurel Copes



      • Don't forget to include a title.

War has always been a problem throughout human history. As written in the article, "Saudis declared war on Lebanon- Hezbollah leader", a war was just declared between the Saudis and the leader of Lebanon.

      • Edited for clarity and grammar; War has always been a problem throughout human history. As written in the article, "Saudis declared war on Lebanon- Hezbollah leader," a war was just declared between the Saudis and the leader of Lebanon.

As stated in the article, "Hassan Nasrallah said Saudi Arabia was holding Mr Hariri against his will.He also accused the Saudis of inciting Israel against Lebanon.The powerful Hezbollah Shia movement is an ally of Iran, which has been trading accusations with the Saudis of fuelling tension in Lebanon and the region".

      • Edited for grammar, you need to use your own words to explain why this quote is important- don't assume that the quotes you use speak for themselves; As stated in the article, "Hassan Nasrallah said Saudi Arabia was holding Mr. Hariri against his will. He also accused the Saudis of inciting Israel against Lebanon. The powerful Hezbollah Shia movement is an ally of Iran, which has been trading accusations with the Saudis of fuelling tensions in Lebanon and the region."

In other words he himself is accusing the saudis of doing terrible things. In the article it also states, "In a televised speech on Friday, Mr Nasrallah said Saudi Arabia was trying to provoke fighting amongst the Lebanese. "In short, it is clear that Saudi Arabia and Saudi officials have declared war on Lebanon and on Hezbollah in Lebanon, but I have to say this is a war on Lebanon," he said.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; In other words, he himself is accusing the Saudis of doing terrible things. The article also refers to a speech delivered by Mr. Nasrallah in which he says, "In short, it is clear that Saudi Arabia and Saudi officials have declared war on Lebanon and on Hezbollah in Lebanon, but I have to say this is a war on Lebanon."

Mr Nasrallah also accused Saudi Arabia of being prepared to pay "billions" to Israel for a military strike against Lebanon, describing this as the "most dangerous thing".

      • Edited for grammar; Mr. Nasrallah also accused Saudi Arabia of being prepared to pay "billions" to Israel for a military strike against Lebanon, describing this as the "most dangerous thing."

In the same article it also states, "t the weekend the Hezbollah leader had said that Mr Hariri had been forced to resign by the Saudis, but he repeated the allegations on Friday, saying that this was now "beyond any doubt".Saudi Arabia was attempting to remove Mr Hariri as prime minister and impose a new leadership on his political movement, he said.

      • Edited for grammar; you are using two quotes here it seems, but I am unsure of how they relate or if they are both coming directly from the article; It is also stated that "at the weekend the Hezbollah leader had said that Mr. Hariri had been forced to resign by the Saudis, but he repeated the allegations on Friday, saying that this was now "beyond any doubt." Saudi Arabia was attempting to remove Mr. Hariri as prime minister and impose a new leadership on his political movement."

BBC Middle East editor Sebastian Usher says Mr Nasrallah's words were delivered as calmly as ever - but they will inevitably raise the temperature further as a growing number of countries outside the region try to calm the crisis."

      • Edited for grammar; BBC Middle East editor Sebastian Usher says, "Mr. Nasrallah's words were delivered as calmly as ever - but they will inevitably raise the temperature further as a growing number of countries outside the region try to calm the crisis."

War has always been a problem throughout human history. As written in the article, "Saudis declared war on Lebanon- Hezbollah leader", a war was just declared between the Saudis and the leader of Lebanon. As stated in the article, "Hassan Nasrallah said Saudi Arabia was holding Mr Hariri against his will.He also accused the Saudis of inciting Israel against Lebanon.The powerful Hezbollah Shia movement is an ally of Iran, which has been trading accusations with the Saudis of fuelling tension in Lebanon and the region". In other words he himself is accusing the saudis of doing terrible things. In the article it also states, "In a televised speech on Friday, Mr Nasrallah said Saudi Arabia was trying to provoke fighting amongst the Lebanese. "In short, it is clear that Saudi Arabia and Saudi officials have declared war on Lebanon and on Hezbollah in Lebanon, but I have to say this is a war on Lebanon," he said.Mr Nasrallah also accused Saudi Arabia of being prepared to pay "billions" to Israel for a military strike against Lebanon, describing this as the "most dangerous thing". In the same article it also states, "t the weekend the Hezbollah leader had said that Mr Hariri had been forced to resign by the Saudis, but he repeated the allegations on Friday, saying that this was now "beyond any doubt".Saudi Arabia was attempting to remove Mr Hariri as prime minister and impose a new leadership on his political movement, he said.BBC Middle East editor Sebastian Usher says Mr Nasrallah's words were delivered as calmly as ever - but they will inevitably raise the temperature further as a growing number of countries outside the region try to calm the crisis."

Fully Edited Article: War has always been a problem throughout human history. As written in the article, "Saudis declared war on Lebanon- Hezbollah leader," a war was just declared between the Saudis and the leader of Lebanon. As stated in the article, "Hassan Nasrallah said Saudi Arabia was holding Mr. Hariri against his will. He also accused the Saudis of inciting Israel against Lebanon. The powerful Hezbollah Shia movement is an ally of Iran, which has been trading accusations with the Saudis of fuelling tensions in Lebanon and the region." In other words, he himself is accusing the Saudis of doing terrible things. The article also refers to a speech delivered by Mr. Nasrallah in which he says, "In short, it is clear that Saudi Arabia and Saudi officials have declared war on Lebanon and on Hezbollah in Lebanon, but I have to say this is a war on Lebanon." Mr. Nasrallah also accused Saudi Arabia of being prepared to pay "billions" to Israel for a military strike against Lebanon, describing this as the "most dangerous thing." It is also stated that "at the weekend the Hezbollah leader had said that Mr. Hariri had been forced to resign by the Saudis, but he repeated the allegations on Friday, saying that this was now "beyond any doubt." Saudi Arabia was attempting to remove Mr. Hariri as prime minister and impose a new leadership on his political movement." BBC Middle East editor Sebastian Usher says, "Mr. Nasrallah's words were delivered as calmly as ever - but they will inevitably raise the temperature further as a growing number of countries outside the region try to calm the crisis."

      • You need to work on using quotation marks and punctuation properly. You also need to work on HOW you use quotes. They cannot make up the entire text of your summary, they are only there to bolster your own argument. Make sure to use your own words and only use quotes when they specifically add something to what you have to say. Please include your source.

Edited by Laurel Copes






Real Railgun in US military

      • Edited for clarity; US Military Installs Efficiency-Boosting Railguns on Battleships
Railgun might become an actual military weapon.
      • Edited for fluidity and grammar; A railgun might be installed on a US battleship, allowing this technology to be used in warfare for the first time.
If a railgun is installed on US battleship this can change the warfare that US is fighting.
      • Edited for fluidity; If a railgun is installed, it could change the way that the United States fights during times of war.
Railgun is better because railguns are a clean break from that method, as they use a powerful electrical pulse to drag a projectile at high speed down a long track before shooting it at a target far away.
      • Edited for fluidity; This is because railguns can achieve greater speeds and range than gunpowder due to their use of a powerful electrical pulse that drags a projectile at a high speed down a long track before shooting it at a target.
If successful, railguns could give naval guns new speed and reach, making big ship-borne guns relevant in a way that they haven't been since aircraft carriers and the planes they launch eclipsed battleships in range and striking power.
      • Edited for fluidity; This would make big, ship-borne guns relevant in a way that they have not been since aircraft carriers and the planes they launch eclipsed battleships in range and striking power.
This is important because this can help US military fight wars more efficiently.
      • Edited for grammar; This is important because this can help the US military fight wars more efficiently.
Also this railgun will allow US Navy ship threatening other ships with sudden destruction and providing artillery support to Marines as they venture onto beaches.
source:https://www.popsci.com/china-electromagnetic-railgun-catapults

      • Edited for fluidity and grammar; In addition, railguns will allow US Navy ships to threaten other ships with sudden destruction and will aid in providing artillery support to Marines as they venture onto beaches.

Real Railgun in US military

Railgun might become an actual military weapon. If a railgun is installed on US battleship this can change the warfare that US is fighting. Railgun is better because railguns are a clean break from that method, as they use a powerful electrical pulse to drag a projectile at high speed down a long track before shooting it at a target far away. If successful, railguns could give naval guns new speed and reach, making big ship-borne guns relevant in a way that they haven't been since aircraft carriers and the planes they launch eclipsed battleships in range and striking power. This is important because this can help US military fight wars more efficiently. Also this railgun will allow US Navy ship threatening other ships with sudden destruction and providing artillery support to Marines as they venture onto beaches.
source:https://www.popsci.com/china-electromagnetic-railgun-catapults

Fully Edited article: US Military Installs Efficiency-Boosting Railguns on Battleships

A railgun might be installed on a US battleship, allowing this technology to be used in warfare for the first time. If a railgun is installed, it could change the way that the United States fights during times of war. This is because railguns can achieve greater speeds and range than gunpowder due to their use of a powerful electrical pulse that drags a projectile at a high speed down a long track before shooting it at a target. This would make big, ship-borne guns relevant in a way that they have not been since aircraft carriers and the planes they launch eclipsed battleships in range and striking power. This is important because this can help the US military fight wars more efficiently. In addition, railguns will allow US Navy ships to threaten other ships with sudden destruction and will aid in providing artillery support to Marines as they venture onto beaches.

      • You need to work on grammar and paragraph structure. You've got all the important information here, you just need to think about how to order it so the summary makes the most sense to the reader.

Edited by Laurel Copes






Laser Weapon on helicopters

      • Edited for clarity; Mounted Laser Weapons Developed By US Military

US military successfully installed a laser weapon on helicopter after successful test of a laser weapon mounted on a helicopter against an unmanned target.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; After the successful test of a laser weapon mounted on a helicopter against an unmanned target, the United States military has installed a weapon of this kind on other helicopters.

The test took place at White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico, with the laser mounted on an Apache AH-64 Helicopter. This laser will help increase the accuracy of the Army helicopters.

      • Edited for grammar; This test took place at White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico, with the laser mounted on an Apache AH-64 helicopter. The newly mounted weapons will help increase the accuracy of the Army helicopters.

Unlike one time bomb the laser are cheap in long-term since is expected to be very low, around $1 a shot.

      • Edited for fluidity; Unlike expensive bombs that can only be used one time, the cost of the lasers is expected to very low in the long-term, around $1 a shot.

This is important because this can increase the power of US military and help soldiers fight the war with less risk. But it might take awhile until is actually use in war since that laser needs clear air to operate which make this laser weapon usless in desert area.

      • Edited for grammar; In addition to the low cost, the lasers can also increase the power of the U.S. military and help soldiers fight with less risk. However, they might not be immediately used in combat because they need clean air to operate in, which renders them useless in desert areas.

Laser Weapon on helicopters US military successfully installed a laser weapon on helicopter after successful test of a laser weapon mounted on a helicopter against an unmanned target. The test took place at White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico, with the laser mounted on an Apache AH-64 Helicopter. This laser will help increase the accuracy of the Army helicopters. Unlike one time bomb the laser are cheap in long-term since is expected to be very low, around $1 a shot. This is important because this can increase the power of US military and help soldiers fight the war with less risk. But it might take awhile until is actually use in war since that laser needs clear air to operate which make this laser weapon usless in desert area.

Fully Edited Article: Mounted Laser Weapons Developed By US Military

After the successful test of a laser weapon mounted on a helicopter against an unmanned target, the United States military has installed a weapon of this kind on other helicopters. This test took place at White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico, with the laser mounted on an Apache AH-64 helicopter. The newly mounted weapons will help increase the accuracy of the Army helicopters. Unlike expensive bombs that can only be used one time, the cost of the lasers is expected to very low in the long-term, around $1 a shot. In addition to the low cost, the lasers can also increase the power of the U.S. military and help soldiers fight with less risk. However, they might not be immediately used in combat because they need clean air to operate in, which renders them useless in desert areas.

      • You need to work on: grammar and sentence structure. Please include your source.

Edited by Laurel Copes






Stronger Chinese military

      • Edited for clarity; Advances in Electromagnetic Technology Strengthen Chinese Military

As United State take more approach to use electromagnetic technologies in military, China has taken similar steps to compete with US.

      • Edited for grammar; As the United States has taken steps to increase the use of electromagnetic technologies in the military, China has taken similar steps to compete with the US.

But as united states has decline it's effort in electromagnetic technologies, China is now taking a bigger step. That most notable weapon of all the electromagnetic technology is railgun.

      • Edited for grammar and fluidity; However, the United States' efforts have declined, and China is now bypassing the US in terms of electromagnetic technology with their development of the railgun.

Railgun is weapon that repeals object by using an electromagnetic force. But it seems that difficulty lies in scaling them up, as well as making the barrel durable enough for multiple firings.

      • Edited for grammar and fluidity; A railgun is a weapon that repels objects by using an electromagnetic force. They are not easy to manufacture as it is difficult to scale them and make the barrel durable enough for multiple firings.

According to general Mao weapon like railgun could decrease use of gun or canon.

      • Edited for grammar; According to General Mao, a weapon like the railgun could decrease the use of guns and canons.

Later China has made breakthroughs in key areas of electromagnetic applications like electromagnetic-assisted launch system (EMALS) catapults.

      • Edited for fluidity; China is also working on other breakthroughs in key areas of electromagnetic applications like electromagnetic-assisted launch system (EMALS) catapults.

It likely that Chinese aircraft carrier, the CV-18, will have MALS catapult is equip. This will allow China Navy to be more capable of hoot down stealth aircraft and ballistic missiles, or bombard enemy ships and land targets from hundreds of miles away.

      • Edited for fluidity and grammar; It is likely that the Chinese aircraft carrier CV-18 will be equipped with EMALS catapults. This will allow China's Navy to more capably shoot down stealth aircraft and ballistic missiles, or bombard enemy ships and land targets from hundreds of miles away.

Stronger Chinese military

As United State take more approach to use electromagnetic technologies in military, China has taken similar steps to compete with US. But as united states has decline it's effort in electromagnetic technologies, China is now taking a bigger step. That most notable weapon of all the electromagnetic technology is railgun. Railgun is weapon that repeals object by using an electromagnetic force. But it seems that difficulty lies in scaling them up, as well as making the barrel durable enough for multiple firings. According to general Mao weapon like railgun could decrease use of gun or canon. Later China has made breakthroughs in key areas of electromagnetic applications like electromagnetic-assisted launch system (EMALS) catapults. It likely that Chinese aircraft carrier, the CV-18, will have MALS catapult is equip. This will allow China Navy to be more capable of hoot down stealth aircraft and ballistic missiles, or bombard enemy ships and land targets from hundreds of miles away.

Fully Edited Article: Advances in Electromagnetic Technology Strengthen Chinese Military

As the United States has taken steps to increase the use of electromagnetic technologies in the military, China has taken similar steps to compete with the US. However, the United States' efforts have declined, and China is now bypassing the US in terms of electromagnetic technology with their development of the railgun. A railgun is a weapon that repels objects by using an electromagnetic force. They are not easy to manufacture as it is difficult to scale them and make the barrel durable enough for multiple firings. According to General Mao, a weapon like the railgun could decrease the use of guns and canons. China is also working on other breakthroughs in key areas of electromagnetic applications like electromagnetic-assisted launch system (EMALS) catapults. It is likely that the Chinese aircraft carrier CV-18 will be equipped with EMALS catapults. This will allow China's Navy to more capably shoot down stealth aircraft and ballistic missiles, or bombard enemy ships and land targets from hundreds of miles away.

      • You need to work on: using articles (the, a, and an) and paragraph structure (think about how each sentence works together to build the main idea). Make sure to include your source so I can better review your summary.

Edited by Laurel Copes






New AI naval replace soliders

      • Edited for clarity; New AI Naval Ship May Replace Soldiers

Navy christened Sea Hunter or the AI naval ship has came back from its test patrol to find submarine.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; An AI naval ship christened the Sea Hunter by the Navy, has returned from its test patrol to find submarines.

This test has been successful which mean that these AI might replace the navy soliders in future.

      • Edited for grammar; This test patrol was successful, which means that these AI ships might replace Navy soldiers in the future.

One of the biggest promises of autonomy for navy ships is the ability to do the same mission as an existing vessel, but with a greatly reduced crew or, for a modest enough ship, without needing a crew entirely.

      • Edited for fluidity and sentence structure; One of the biggest things that autonomy promises for Navy ships is the ability to do the same mission as an existing vessel, but with a greatly reduced crew; or for a modestly sized ship, without needing a crew entirely.

This is part of the philosophy behind the Navy’s new Zumwalt destroyer, a highly automated ship designed to operate at full capacity with half as many sailors on board as other destroyers.

      • This sentence is good!

But this ship can operate without any soliders which mean it save many space and need for making ship cpmfortable for sailor.

      • Edited for fluidity; The Zumwalt can operate without any soldiers, which means that it saves space and makes the ship more comfortable for sailors.

So as these AI technology progress more people may lose there job.

      • Edited for grammar; Despite these benefits for some soldiers, as AI technology progresses more people may lose their jobs.

New AI naval replace soliders Navy christened Sea Hunter or the AI naval ship has came back from its test patrol to find submarine.This test has been successful which mean that these AI might replace the navy soliders in future.One of the biggest promises of autonomy for navy ships is the ability to do the same mission as an existing vessel, but with a greatly reduced crew or, for a modest enough ship, without needing a crew entirely. This is part of the philosophy behind the Navy’s new Zumwalt destroyer, a highly automated ship designed to operate at full capacity with half as many sailors on board as other destroyers. But this ship can operate without any soliders which mean it save many space and need for making ship cpmfortable for sailor.So as these AI technology progress more people may lose there job.

Fully Edited Article: New AI Naval Ship May Replace Soldiers An AI naval ship christened the Sea Hunter by the Navy, has returned from its test patrol to find submarines. This test patrol was successful, which means that these AI ships might replace Navy soldiers in the future. One of the biggest things that autonomy promises for Navy ships is the ability to do the same mission as an existing vessel, but with a greatly reduced crew; or for a modestly sized ship, without needing a crew entirely. This is part of the philosophy behind the Navy’s new Zumwalt destroyer, a highly automated ship designed to operate at full capacity with half as many sailors on board as other destroyers. The Zumwalt can operate without any soldiers, which means that it saves space and makes the ship more comfortable for sailors. Despite these benefits for some soldiers, as AI technology progresses more people may lose their jobs.

      • You need to work on: grammar and sentence structure. Make sure you include your source.

Edited by Laurel Copes






Robots working together

      • Edited for clarity; Programmers Invent Way for Robots to Work Together

People have been trying to achieve robots to communicate but it has been unsuccessful but now programmers have found the way to make robots coordinate each other.

      • Edited for grammar and sentence structure; People have been attempting to build robots that can communicate, but they have been unsuccessful until now. Programmers have developed a way to make the robots coordinate with each other.

Any autonomous robot needs a "brain" in the form of its Central Processing Unit (CPU), which controls its actions.

      • Edited for fluidity; For the robots to be autonomous, they need a "brain" in the form of a Central Processing Unit (CPU), which controls their actions.

It also needs the robotic equivalent of a nervous system connecting the CPU to censors and actuators.

      • Edited for fluidity; They also need the robotic equivalent of a nervous system to connect the CPU to censors and actuators.

When two of Dorigo and his team's bots come together, an automatic mechanism forces one to cede authority to the other.

      • Edited for clarity; The programmer heading up the project, Dorigo, and his team demonstrate how these bots can communicate. When two of their bots come together, an automatic mechanism forces one to cede authority to the other.

Which means robots are controlling each other base on situation which there place in.

      • Edited for grammar; This means that their robots are controlling each other based on the situation in which they are placed.

SO this means that robots can work coordinately which means they will apble to do bigger tasks.

      • Edited for grammar and sentence structure; Through this type of communication, the robots will be able to work coordinately and accomplish bigger tasks together.

Robots working together People have been trying to achieve robots to communicate but it has been unsuccessful but now programmers have found the way to make robots coordinate each other.Any autonomous robot needs a "brain" in the form of its Central Processing Unit (CPU), which controls its actions. It also needs the robotic equivalent of a nervous system connecting the CPU to censors and actuators. When two of Dorigo and his team's bots come together, an automatic mechanism forces one to cede authority to the other. Which means robots are controlling each other base on situation which there place in. SO this means that robots can work coordinately which means they will apble to do bigger tasks.

Fully Edited Article: Programmers Invent Way for Robots to Work Together People have been attempting to build robots that can communicate, but they have been unsuccessful until now. Programmers have developed a way to make the robots coordinate with each other. For the robots to be autonomous, they need a "brain" in the form of a Central Processing Unit (CPU), which controls their actions. They also need the robotic equivalent of a nervous system to connect the CPU to censors and actuators. The programmer heading up the project, Dorigo, and his team demonstrate how these bots can communicate. When two of their bots come together, an automatic mechanism forces one to cede authority to the other. This means that their robots are controlling each other based on the situation in which they are placed. Through this type of communication, the robots will be able to work coordinately and accomplish bigger tasks together.

      • You need to work on: grammar, sentence structure (make sure you focus on how the various parts of your sentence are connected, grammatically and contextually), and including all important information (for example, you mention Dorigo, but give the reader no explanation of who he is). Make sure to always include your source in your summaries.

Edited by Laurel Copes






China's new fighter jet could be threat to US

      • Edited for clarity and grammar; China's New Fighter Jet Could Be Threat To United States

China has become world's second nation to have slealt fleet.

      • Edited for grammar and spelling (You need to include the source so we can double check your facts, I'm assuming you mean "stealth fleet" here); China has become the world's second nation to have a stealth fleet.

Chinese aerospace in general: a reliance on foreign engines. That's looks to be changing, quickly.

      • Edited for fluidity and grammar; In general, Chinese aerospace relies on foreign engines; however, that is quickly changing.

Once these new J-20s enter service, China will have comprehensively mastered the major parts of fighter technology, including radars, stealthy fuselage, missiles, computers, and engines.

      • Edited for grammar; Once these new J-20's enter service, China will have comprehensively mastered the major parts of fighter technology, which includes radars, stealthy fuselage, missiles, computers, and engines.

This may be enough power to allow the J-20 to engage in low supersonic supercruise at Mach 1-1.2 speeds. The Eurofighter Typhoon has a similar low supercruise capability, which means it can hit supersonic speeds without using fuel-thirsty afterburners.

      • Edited for fluidity, the sentence is confusing because you never specify what "may be enough power," who owns the Eurofightet Typhoon, and how this relates to China and the US; This may be enough power to allow the J-20 to engage in low supersonic supercruise at Mach 1-1.2 speeds. The Eurofighter Typhoon has a similar low supercruise capability, which means both fighter jets can hit supersonic speeds without using fuel-thirsty afterburners.

This means that China is about to catch up to US when it comes to Aerospace technology.

      • Edited for fluidity and grammar; These advances mean that China is about to catch up with the United States when it comes to aerospace technology.

China's mastery of the rhenium superalloy won't just help China build current fighterengines, but also quickly research more capable, higher tech models. So this china's innovation can be threat to US.

      • Edited for fluidity and grammar (You need to mention the rhenium superalloy before this final sentence, don't assume your reader knows why that is relevant to the topic); China's mastery of the rhenium superalloy won't just help China build current fighter engines, but also quickly research more capable, higher-tech models, which will ultimately increase the threat they pose to the United States.

China's new fighter jet could be threat to US China has become world's second nation to have slealt fleet.Chinese aerospace in general: a reliance on foreign engines. That's looks to be changing, quickly. Once these new J-20s enter service, China will have comprehensively mastered the major parts of fighter technology, including radars, stealthy fuselage, missiles, computers, and engines. This may be enough power to allow the J-20 to engage in low supersonic supercruise at Mach 1-1.2 speeds. The Eurofighter Typhoon has a similar low supercruise capability, which means it can hit supersonic speeds without using fuel-thirsty afterburners.This means that China is about to catch up to US when it comes to Aerospace technology.China's mastery of the rhenium superalloy won't just help China build current fighterengines, but also quickly research more capable, higher tech models. So this china's innovation can be threat to US.

Fully Edited Article: China's New Fighter Jet Could Be Threat To United States China has become the world's second nation to have a stealth fleet. In general, Chinese aerospace relies on foreign engines; however, that is quickly changing. Once these new J-20's enter service, China will have comprehensively mastered the major parts of fighter technology, which includes radars, stealthy fuselage, missiles, computers, and engines. This may be enough power to allow the J-20 to engage in low supersonic supercruise at Mach 1-1.2 speeds. The Eurofighter Typhoon has a similar low supercruise capability, which means both fighter jets can hit supersonic speeds without using fuel-thirsty afterburners. These advances mean that China is about to catch up with the United States when it comes to aerospace technology. China's mastery of the rhenium superalloy won't just help China build current fighter engines, but also quickly research more capable, higher-tech models, which will ultimately increase the threat they pose to the United States.

      • You need to work on: grammar, spelling, and paragraph structure. Make sure to include your source.

Edited by Laurel Copes






China achieving hyperloop

      • Edited for clarity; China Working To Achieve Intercontinental Hyperloop Train

China's company may acheive hyperloop system before Ellon Mask does.

      • Edited for clarity, spelling, and grammar; China's Aerospace Science and Industrial Corporation (CASIC) may achieve the creation of a hyperloop system before Ellon Musk does.

The China Aerospace Science and Industrial Corporation (CASIC) has announced on August 30 its plans for an intercontinental hyperloop train with a top speed of over 2,300 miles per hour, or Mach For comparison, Elon Musk's initial proposal called for a 745 miles per hour hyperloop to connect Los Angeles to San Francisco.

      • Edited for fluidity and sentence structure; CASIC announced on August 30th their plans for an intercontinental hyperloop train that could reach a top speed of over 2,300 miles per hour. Musk's initial proposal called for a 745 miles per hour hyperloop to connected Los Angeles and San Francisco.

And the current fastest bullet trains, in Germany and China, have top speeds in the range of 180-215 miles per hour.

      • Edited for grammar; Currently, the fastest bullet trains, in Germany and China, have top speeds in the range of 180-250 miles per hour.

WHich means that china may possibly have ability to hyperloop.

      • Edited for fluidity and spelling; This means that China may possibly have the ability to achieve hyperloop.

This china's advances in power generation, magnetic technology, propulsion technology, and material sciences needed to build the T Flight would be enabled by, or enable, new Chinese advances in superconductors, energy efficiency, civil aviation, and military tech.

      • Edited for clarity; China's advances in power generation, magnetic and propulsion technology, and material sciences should enable them to make further advances in superconductors, energy efficiency, civil aviation, and military technology.

So it means that China might be holding hands on technology that US haven't achieve.

      • Edited for fluidity; The Chinese might be working toward the creation of technology that the United States has not even attempted to achieve.

China achieving hyperloop China's company may acheive hyperloop system before Ellon Mask does. The China Aerospace Science and Industrial Corporation (CASIC) has announced on August 30 its plans for an intercontinental hyperloop train with a top speed of over 2,300 miles per hour, or Mach For comparison, Elon Musk's initial proposal called for a 745 miles per hour hyperloop to connect Los Angeles to San Francisco. And the current fastest bullet trains, in Germany and China, have top speeds in the range of 180-215 miles per hour. WHich means that china may possibly have ability to hyperloop. This china's advances in power generation, magnetic technology, propulsion technology, and material sciences needed to build the T Flight would be enabled by, or enable, new Chinese advances in superconductors, energy efficiency, civil aviation, and military tech. So it means that China might be holding hands on technology that US haven't achieve.

Fully Edited Article:China Working To Achieve Intercontinental Hyperloop Train China's Aerospace Science and Industrial Corporation (CASIC) may achieve the creation of a hyperloop system before Ellon Musk does. CASIC announced on August 30th their plans for an intercontinental hyperloop train that could reach a top speed of over 2,300 miles per hour. Musk's initial proposal called for a 745 miles per hour hyperloop to connected Los Angeles and San Francisco. Currently, the fastest bullet trains, in Germany and China, have top speeds in the range of 180-250 miles per hour. This means that China may possibly have the ability to achieve hyperloop. China's advances in power generation, magnetic and propulsion technology, and material sciences should enable them to make further advances in superconductors, energy efficiency, civil aviation, and military technology. The Chinese might be working toward the creation of technology that the United States has not even attempted to achieve.

      • You need to work on: grammar, spelling, and conveying all important information. You should also include a source for every summary you write.

Edited by Laurel Copes