Today is: loading ...
loading ...
- Source: loading ...

Hi NISHMA! Doing GREAT!
The Existence of Baking Before Agriculture

Archeologists discovered a fireplace food at a site in Jordan. The remains of meat and plants made sense to them, but what surprised them was the bread. It didn't make sense because there was no agriculture at the time the fireplace and foods were from, which was 4,000 years ago. There were blackened remains, which were from the bread. The grains in the remains were from grain flour, which meant the bread was made from the stems of nearby plants. In addition, the archeologists found remains of plants that were ancestors of the earliest domesticated crops. All of this evidence could mean that the people in this time period included bread and cereal based products in their lives. However, there is not enough evidence yet to confirm this theory.

https://www.popsci.com/ancient-bread-before-agriculture






Special Solar Eclipse on Friday the 13th

This Friday the 13th, people in the South Pacific area will be able to see a rare type of new moon blocking some of the sun if they are lucky. This is the first time since 1974 that Earth will be seeing a solar eclipse on this superstitious day. In addition to this, the moon will not be a regular moon. It will be a new moon appearing when the lunar orb is significantly close to the Earth. The change in size is due to the moon reaching a point farthest from the Earth, since its orbit around us is not a perfect circle. Although only a part of the sun is "disappearing" this time, observers still need to take precautions such as wearing protected eyewear. After this celestial coincidence, those who are superstitious won't have to worry about this for at least another 62 years.

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2018/07/news-friday-13th-supermoon-solar-eclipse-sun-space/






The Coldest Known Place in the World

Using a satellite, researchers were able to discover Earth's coldest area, which was a deep ice sheet in Antartica. The recorded temperature was negative 144ºF, but this temperature might not decrease due to global warming. According to the researchers, this location was so cold it was "almost like another planet." Before this discovery, the lowest recorded temperature was negative 128.6ºF at a station in Russia. Researchers had to take certain precautions because of the freezing temperature. They were curious as to how much lower the temperature could drop, and this is where they found that it could go as low as negative 144ºF. In order for a place to be this cold, it needs to meet certain requirements and conditions. In fact, these conditions will make it perfect for looking up at space.

https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/environment/a22007458/scientists-measured-coldest-place-earth/






Finding a Home for the World's Trash

The world's trash has been bought and recycled by China until 2017. China has a new policy that does not allow certain plastic materials into the nation. This is a problem for the world because other nations now have to find a way to deal with the several million tons of trash. Before this, China used to get 4,000 containers of plastic from the United States alone. If no action is taken, all of the unwanted plastic and waste will end up in the oceans.

https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/environment/a21777626/china-stops-buying-the-worlds-trash-leaving-120-million-tons-up-for-grabs/






Fish-Bird in China

Fishers in China received an unexpected surprise recently. Instead of catching a whole fish, they caught one with a bird's head. It has been identified as a freshwater carp, which is common in that area. However, seeing a beak and small fins that look like wings on the fish has convinced people that they've discovered a creature that is half-bird and half-fish. Experts do not agree, though, claiming that this is not a fish-bird. Instead, they believe that the fish's bird-like appearance is due to a defective cell growth near the mouth area. This skeletal deformation could have made the mouth of the fish tilt downwards, making it look like a beak. There are many possibilities on what could have caused this unusual feature on the fish, but none of them can be approved yet. Fortunately, the bird-looking fish was placed back in the water to swim freely.

https://www.livescience.com/62816-fish-with-bird-head-explained.html






Original:

It's Raining Crystals in Hawaii

Kilauea is the most active volcano in the island of Hawaii. On May 3, Kilauea began to erupt again and residents have been dealing with all the things that have been coming out of the volcano. One of those things includes green crystals, also known as olivine crystals. These crystals are very common, but it's unusual to find them as a result of a volcanic eruption. Geologists claim that during the volcanic eruption, the green crystals are carried out with the lava into the sky. Some of the lava cools instantly in the air, forming pumice. This sudden change traps gasses in the pumice which force themselves out, creating holes. These holes are where the olivine crystals come out from, making it seem as if it's raining crystals. The volcano Kilauea has impacted Hawaii greatly, but the residents of Hawaii are hoping to take a break from all the eruptions.

https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/environment/a21527670/kilauea-hawaii-volcano-crystals-olivine-green/

Corrections It's Raining Crystals in Hawaii

      • I removed It's because you should write more to the point. "It's" takes away from the title.

Kilauea is the most active volcano in the island of Hawaii.


On May 3, Kilauea began to erupt again and residents have been dealing with all the things that have been coming out of the volcano.

One of those things includes green crystals, also known as olivine crystals.

These crystals are very common, but it's unusual to find them as a result of a volcanic eruption.

Geologists claim that during the volcanic eruption, the green crystals are carried out with the lava into the sky.

Some of the lava cools instantly in the air, forming pumice.

This sudden change traps gasses in the pumice which force themselves out, creating holes.

      • "Force" is the verb being acted by the "pumice". Pumice is a collective/singular noun. When we use singular nouns, the verbs must have an "s" at the end as in this sentence "The gas sprays out of the hose." Also, "Pumice" is not multiple things so we cannot use "themselves". We must use itself.

These holes are where the olivine crystals come out from, making it seem as if it's raining crystals.

The volcano Kilauea has impacted Hawaii greatly, but the residents of Hawaii are hoping to take a break from all the eruptions.

https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/environment/a21527670/kilauea-hawaii-volcano-crystals-olivine-green/



Fully Edited Version
Raining Crystals in Hawaii

Kilauea is the most active volcano in the island of Hawaii. On May 3, Kilauea began to erupt again and residents have been dealing with all the things that have been coming out of the volcano. One of those things includes green crystals, also known as olivine crystals. These crystals are very common, but it's unusual to find them as a result of a volcanic eruption. Geologists claim that during the volcanic eruption, the green crystals are carried out with the lava into the sky. Some of the lava cools instantly in the air, forming pumice. This sudden change traps gasses in the pumice which forces itself out, creating holes. These holes are where the olivine crystals come out from, making it seem as if it's raining crystals. The volcano Kilauea has impacted Hawaii greatly, but the residents of Hawaii are hoping to take a break from all the eruptions.
https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/environment/a21527670/kilauea-hawaii-volcano-crystals-olivine-green/


thank you


The Right Time to Drink Coffee

      • Good job, you're good at choosing titles!

In the United States Army, an algorithm was created by researchers that makes personal suggestions for timing the amount of caffeine a person consumes.

      • Edited for word choice; In the United States Army, an algorithm was created by researchers that produces personal suggestions for timing the amount of caffeine a person consumes daily.

This would help the person to drink the minimum amount of coffee while improving their maximum level of awareness by up to 64 percent.

      • Edited for formatting (extra space); This would help the person to drink the minimum amount of coffee while improving their maximum level of awareness by up to 64 percent.

It was concluded that the right schedule for caffeine consumption could also lower the amount being consumed by up to 65 percent, but their high alertness would still be maintained.

      • Good!

The researchers' findings will be used to help raise the alertness of army workers.

      • Edited for grammar (capitalize Army or change to soldiers); The researchers' findings will be used to help raise the alertness of soldiers.

They will also be useful to others, though, like students who would want to be wide awake during a test.

      • Nice!

At the same time, there're other ways to increase you awareness, which includes exercising and eating healthy.

      • Edited for grammar and spelling; At the same time, there are other ways to increase your awareness, which includes exercising and eating healthy.

The Right Time to Drink Coffee

In the United States Army, an algorithm was created by researchers that makes personal suggestions for timing the amount of caffeine a person consumes. This would help the person to drink the minimum amount of coffee while improving their maximum level of awareness by up to 64 percent. It was concluded that the right schedule for caffeine consumption could also lower the amount being consumed by up to 65 percent, but their high alertness would still be maintained. The researchers' findings will be used to help raise the alertness of army workers. They will also be useful to others, though, like students who would want to be wide awake during a test. At the same time, there're other ways to increase you awareness, which includes exercising and eating healthy.

The Right Time to Drink Coffee

In the United States Army, an algorithm was created by researchers that produces personal suggestions for timing the amount of caffeine a person consumes daily. This would help the person to drink the minimum amount of coffee while improving their maximum level of awareness by up to 64 percent. It was concluded that the right schedule for caffeine consumption could also lower the amount being consumed by up to 65 percent, but their high alertness would still be maintained. The researchers' findings will be used to help raise the alertness of soldiers. They will also be useful to others, though, like students who would want to be wide awake during a test. At the same time, there are other ways to increase your awareness, which includes exercising and eating healthy.

      • Make sure you pay attention to grammar and spelling when you proofread; overall, you did a great job!

Edited by Laurel Copes

https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/health/a21099963/best-time-to-drink-coffee-alertness/






Sleeping In to Live Longer

      • Good!

You might have parents and other adults advise you to not sleep in during the weekend.

      • Edited for fluidity (established a teenage audience); Parents and other adults often advise teenagers not to sleep in during the weekend.

A recent study has results that go against this advice.

      • Edited for fluidity; However, a recent study has results that go against this advice.

At Stockholm University, researchers found that people who got 5 hours of sleep every night had a higher risk of death.

      • Edited for fluidity (higher than what?); At Stockholm University, researchers found that people who got five hours of sleep every night had a higher risk of death than people who got more than five hours a night.

However, people who got 5 hours of sleep every night but made it up by sleeping for 9 hours each weekend night did not increase their risk of death. This basically shows that short hours of sleep in the weekdays can be balanced out by long hours of sleep in the weekend.

      • Good!

It's still recommended, though, to get a consistent amount of sleep everyday.

      • Edited for grammar; It's still recommended, though, to get a consistent amount of sleep every day.

Sleeping In to Live Longer

You might have parents and other adults advise you to not sleep in during the weekend. A recent study has results that go against this advice. At Stockholm University, researchers found that people who got 5 hours of sleep every night had a higher risk of death. However, people who got 5 hours of sleep every night but made it up by sleeping for 9 hours each weekend night did not increase their risk of death. This basically shows that short hours of sleep in the weekdays can be balanced out by long hours of sleep in the weekend. It's still recommended, though, to get a consistent amount of sleep everyday.

Sleeping In to Live Longer

Parents and other adults often advise teenagers not to sleep in during the weekend. However, a recent study has results that go against this advice. At Stockholm University, researchers found that people who got five hours of sleep every night had a higher risk of death than people who got more than five hours a night. However, people who got 5 hours of sleep every night but made it up by sleeping for 9 hours each weekend night did not increase their risk of death. This basically shows that short hours of sleep in the weekdays can be balanced out by long hours of sleep in the weekend. It's still recommended, though, to get a consistent amount of sleep every day.

      • You need to work on the fluidity of your paragraph. All of the essential ideas are here, just make sure you think about how each sentence flows with the ones around it.

Edited by Laurel Copes

https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/health/a20889979/sleeping-in-on-weekend-help-you-live-longer-prevent-early-death/






The Benefit of Having a Spider Living With You

      • Good job!

Many people have a great fear of spiders or at least they try to kill the ones they see.

      • Edited for fluidity; Many people have a great fear of spiders or they at least try to kill the ones they see.

However, spiders actually help us and the environment in many ways.

      • Good!

They are often found indoors in our homes, and they can help us by consuming pests and even other spiders.

      • Edited for fluidity; They are often found indoors and they can help us by consuming pests and even other spiders.

A survey in North Carolina showed that the cobweb spider and the cellar spider were the most common types to live under our roofs. Spiders regularly capture annoying or harmful pests and insects in their webs, like mosquitoes. It's understandable why we fear spiders so much.

      • Good!

They crawl around with 8 legs and they all have venom, but in most species the venom isn't strong enough to be a danger to humans.

      • Edited for spelling and comma use; They crawl around with eight legs and they all have venom, but in most species, the venom isn't strong enough to be a danger to humans.

As a matter of fact, spiders try to avoid contact with humans at all costs unless they feel threatened. Therefore, it's best to just let spiders thrive in your home or let them go into the outside world if you really can't stand them.

      • Nice!

The Benefit of Having a Spider Living With You

Many people have a great fear of spiders or at least they try to kill the ones they see. However, spiders actually help us and the environment in many ways. They are often found indoors in our homes, and they can help us by consuming pests and even other spiders. A survey in North Carolina showed that the cobweb spider and the cellar spider were the most common types to live under our roofs. Spiders regularly capture annoying or harmful pests and insects in their webs, like mosquitoes. It's understandable why we fear spiders so much. They crawl around with 8 legs and they all have venom, but in most species the venom isn't strong enough to be a danger to humans. As a matter of fact, spiders try to avoid contact with humans at all costs unless they feel threatened. Therefore, it's best to just let spiders thrive in your home or let them go into the outside world if you really can't stand them.

The Benefit of Having a Spider Living With You

Many people have a great fear of spiders or they at least try to kill the ones they see. However, spiders actually help us and the environment in many ways. They are often found indoors and they can help us by consuming pests and even other spiders. A survey in North Carolina showed that the cobweb spider and the cellar spider were the most common types to live under our roofs. Spiders regularly capture annoying or harmful pests and insects in their webs, like mosquitoes. It's understandable why we fear spiders so much. They crawl around with eight legs and they all have venom, but in most species, the venom isn't strong enough to be a danger to humans. As a matter of fact, spiders try to avoid contact with humans at all costs unless they feel threatened. Therefore, it's best to just let spiders thrive in your home or let them go into the outside world if you really can't stand them.

      • You need to work on spelling, comma use, and fluidity. You brought a lot of personality to this and I really enjoyed it!

Edited by Laurel Copes

https://www.popsci.com/killing-spiders#page-4






The Effects of Mosquito Bites

      • Good job!

When you get a mosquito bite, some your blood is taken by the mosquito in exchange for its salivary secretions.

      • Missing a word; When you get a mosquito bite, some of your blood is taken by the mosquito in exchange for its salivary secretions.

This mosquito spit has been found to irritate the human immune system after entering the blood stream.

      • Bloodstream is one word; This mosquito spit has been found to irritate the human immune system after entering the bloodstream.

A virologist and her team set up a study with mice to find out how exactly mosquitoes mess with our immune system and possible spread diseases.

      • Good!

Their study showed that after being bitten, the mice's immune cells disappeared for a couple of days and came back in bone marrow, which was not normal.

      • Changed "mice's" to "mice'" because mice is a plural word; Their study showed that after being bitten, the mice' immune cells disappeared for a couple of days and came back in bone marrow, which was not normal.

This might mean that viruses from mosquito saliva are entering through the skin to a place away from the immune system where they can multiply so that they won't be attacked. Using this research, vaccines can be made to safeguard us from the impacts of mosquito saliva and to eventually stop the transmission of diseases by vectors.

      • Nice!

The Effects of Mosquito Bites

When you get a mosquito bite, some your blood is taken by the mosquito in exchange for its salivary secretions. This mosquito spit has been found to irritate the human immune system after entering the blood stream. A virologist and her team set up a study with mice to find out how exactly mosquitoes mess with our immune system and possible spread diseases. Their study showed that after being bitten, the mice's immune cells disappeared for a couple of days and came back in bone marrow, which was not normal. This might mean that viruses from mosquito saliva are entering through the skin to a place away from the immune system where they can multiply so that they won't be attacked. Using this research, vaccines can be made to safeguard us from the impacts of mosquito saliva and to eventually stop the transmission of diseases by vectors.


The Effects of Mosquito Bites

When you get a mosquito bite, some of your blood is taken by the mosquito in exchange for its salivary secretions. This mosquito spit has been found to irritate the human immune system after entering the bloodstream. Their study showed that after being bitten, the mice' immune cells disappeared for a couple of days and came back in bone marrow, which was not normal. This might mean that viruses from mosquito saliva are entering through the skin to a place away from the immune system where they can multiply so that they won't be attacked. Using this research, vaccines can be made to safeguard us from the impacts of mosquito saliva and to eventually stop the transmission of diseases by vectors.

      • You need to be careful in your proofreading. The structure of this was good, but you misspelled some words and made some errors grammatically. Overall, great job!

Edited by Laurel Copes

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/d-brief/2018/05/17/mosquito-bite-immune-system/#.WwNLFi-ZNmA






A Close-Up on a Cancer Related Enzyme

Scientists have long been searching for cures for cancer and other diseases.

Researchers recently were able to take a high quality, detailed picture of an enzyme that scientists have tried tracking for a long time.

      • I swapped "close-up" for "detailed" because the word better fits the writing.; Researchers recently were able to take a high quality, close-up picture of an enzyme that scientists have tried tracking for a long time.

This enzyme is called telomerase.

The picture visibly depicted the structuring of telomerase's proteins and RNA.

However, since the picture wasn't detailed enough, scientists were not able to develop therapies.

Another problem was that the human body doesn't have enough of this enzyme.

To move forward in developing cures and therapies, the researchers will have to take another shot of the telomerase enzyme at a higher resolution, which will show the molecular interactions in it.

      • I removed the slash and placed "and" in its place. I shorted "in order to" to "to."; In order to move forward in developing cures/ therapies, the researchers will have to take another shot of the telomerase enzyme at a higher resolution which will show the molecular interactions in it.

https://www.sciencenews.org/article/telomerase-enzyme-cancer-aging?tgt=nr Edited by Michael Morrow

Good job on the summary. Not too many mistakes.


A Close-Up on a Cancer Related Enzyme

Scientists have long been searching for cures for cancer and other diseases. Researchers recently were able to take a high quality, detailed picture of an enzyme that scientists have tried tracking for a long time. This enzyme is called telomerase. The picture visibly depicted the structuring of telomerase's proteins and RNA. However, since the picture wasn't detailed enough, scientists were not able to develop therapies. Another problem was that the human body doesn't have enough of this enzyme. To move forward in developing cures and therapies, the researchers will have to take another shot of the telomerase enzyme at a higher resolution, which will show the molecular interactions in it.

https://www.sciencenews.org/article/telomerase-enzyme-cancer-aging?tgt=nr





Industrial Child Labor in America

The first Industrial Revolution of the 18th century brought many impactful changes in society, especially an increase in job openings.

      • There was no need to have both "significant" and "impactful" so I removed one. I also removed "about" because that was not needed as well.;The first Industrial Revolution of the 18th century brought about many significant and impactful changes in society, especially an increase in job openings.

However, this also included bringing children into the workforce as laborers.

      • Here, I removed "in" and made "into."; However, this also included bringing in children to the workforce as laborers.

This was mostly due to children being more "appealing" to hire than adults since they required lower wages.

      • I believe you meant to say "children" instead of "child." I also removed a few words from the sentence to make it briefer.; This was mostly due to the fact that child were more "appealing" to hire than adults since they would require lower wages.

Also, their small sizes let them do things most adults wouldn't be able to.

Plus, some thought children were easier to control and manage.

      • I just removed "even" here. It doesn't help the sentence.; Plus, some even thought children were easier to control and manage.

This era of child labor introduced the National Child Labor Committee, which was formed to end child labor.

      • Most people would know that this period was horrifying or some may not think so, therefore I removed the word. I also changed the wording of the sentence to make it match the removal of "horrifying."; This era of child labor was horrifying, so the National Child Labor Committee formed to try putting a stop to this.

They had investigators find and collect evidence to prove the harsh conditions that children were being forced into.

One investigator, Lewis Hine, had a goal set to make the public aware of and speak up against the exploitation of many innocent children.

The photographs he captured gradually caught the attention of a lot of people, along with reforms by the Committee like the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938.

Although changes were not immediate, the children eventually got their rights and freedom back.

https://www.history.com/news/child-labor-lewis-hine-photos Edited by Michael Morrow

Interesting topic to write on. Try to stay away from adjectives and being wordy.


Industrial Child Labor in America

The first Industrial Revolution of the 18th century brought many impactful changes in society, especially an increase in job openings. However, this also included bringing children into the workforce as laborers. This was mostly due to children being more "appealing" to hire than adults since they required lower wages. Also, their small sizes let them do things most adults wouldn't be able to. Plus, some thought children were easier to control and manage. This era of child labor introduced the National Child Labor Committee, which was formed to end child labor. They had investigators find and collect evidence to prove the harsh conditions that children were being forced into. One investigator, Lewis Hine, had a goal set to make the public aware of and speak up against the exploitation of many innocent children. The photographs he captured gradually caught the attention of a lot of people, along with reforms by the Committee like the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938. Although changes were not immediate, the children eventually got their rights and freedom back.

https://www.history.com/news/child-labor-lewis-hine-photos





Upcoming Meteor Showers

NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) and the Space Science Telescope Institute predict that a meteor shower, called The Lyrid, will be able to be seen in the Northern Hemisphere Sunday morning, April 22nd.

      • Here, I cut back on words in this sentence because of it so long. For example, the shower being "active" is already implied since it could be seen.; NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) and the Space Science Telescope Institute predict that a meteor shower, called The Lyrid, will be active and able to be seen in the Northern Hemisphere this Sunday morning, April 22nd.

The Lyrid occurs annually when Earth travels through a dust and debris trail left behind by Comet Thatcher, icy rock.

      • I thought it was fitting that the word order be changed here. Plus, word changes are made as well. Be sure to always capitalize the name of planets.; The Lyrid occurs annually when the earth goes through a dust and debris trail from an icy rock, Comet Thatcher.

Also, NASA forecasts many other events occurring around this period.

      • Here, I switched "NASA" and "also" around for a smoother transition.; NASA also forecasts many other events occurring around this period.

For instance, Jupiter will rise in the east before the Lyrid comes into view for the U.S.

      • Here, I removed "viewers" and added "for instance" to coincide with the sentence prior suggesting examples would be provided. "For example" could be used instead of "for instance."; Jupiter will rise in the east before the Lyrid comes in view to U.S. viewers.

Mars and Saturn will also join before dawn, along with the constellation Leo.

There will be a lot to look out for in the sky this weekend.

https://www.space.com/40345-lyrid-meteor-shower-peak-2018.html Edited by Michael Morrow

Be sure to remember that planets are always capitalized.


Upcoming Meteor Showers

NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) and the Space Science Telescope Institute predict that a meteor shower, called The Lyrid, will be able to be seen in the Northern Hemisphere Sunday morning, April 22nd. The Lyrid occurs annually when Earth travels through a dust and debris trail left behind by Comet Thatcher, icy rock. Also, NASA forecasts many other events occurring around this period. For instance, Jupiter will rise in the east before the Lyrid comes into view for the U.S. Mars and Saturn will also join before dawn, along with the constellation Leo. There will be a lot to look out for in the sky this weekend.

https://www.space.com/40345-lyrid-meteor-shower-peak-2018.html




A Data Glitch Caused by Ravens

      • Here, I thought it could've been a little more specific.; A Glitch Caused by Ravens

At the Advanced Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory (LIGO), there was an unexpected data defect coming from a gravitational wave detector.

Scientists were able to notice that there was a wave that did not resemble normal gravitational waves.

      • I removed "here" because it was not needed.; Scientists here were able to notice that there was a wave that did not resemble normal gravitational waves.

It turned out that this was caused by ravens on the detector that were trying to get shaved ice.

The sounds of their pecking on one of the detectors were caught on tape.

      • I changed the verb tense from "was" to "were."; The sounds of their pecking on one of the detectors was caught on tape.

Their footprints and locations showed that, apparently, the ravens were thirsty.

      • I removed the space between "thirsty" and the period.; Their footprints and locations showed that, apparently, the ravens were thirsty .

This was most likely due to the heat in the desert.

Now, the detector has been alternatively setup to avoid this event from occurring again in the future.

https://www.sciencenews.org/article/how-ravens-caused-ligo-data-glitch Edited by Michael Morrow


A Data Glitch Caused by Ravens

At the Advanced Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory (LIGO), there was an unexpected data defect coming from a gravitational wave detector. Scientists were able to notice that there was a wave that did not resemble normal gravitational waves. It turned out that this was caused by ravens on the detector that were trying to get shaved ice. The sounds of their pecking on one of the detectors were caught on tape. Their footprints and locations showed that, apparently, the ravens were thirsty. This was most likely due to the heat in the desert. Now, the detector has been alternatively setup to avoid this event from occurring again in the future.

https://www.sciencenews.org/article/how-ravens-caused-ligo-data-glitch





The Evolving Colors of a Butterfly

      • I added "the" because, without it, the title seemed incomplete.; Evolving Colors of a Butterfly


The blue morpho butterfly has the popular known for being a beautiful insect.

      • I removed "vote" because it gives the idea that there was an actual vote. I was actually looking for a study saying that in the article.;The blue morpho butterfly has the popular vote on being a beautiful insect.

It has wings that flash a shade of blue, making it seem like they are glowing.

      • There was no need to include the word "color," so I removed it.; It has wings that flash a shade of blue color, making it seem like they are glowing.

The truth is that this "glow" is produced by changing the direction of incoming light, which plays a trick on our eyes.

Scientists are curious to find out how long butterflies and similar insects had their different hues of flashy colors.

A study on modern butterfly wings showed that the structures move from simple to complex and the structural color is something that has been evolving for millions of years.

      • Here, I just polished the sentence up. I removed the comma word "very." I changed "complicated" to "complex."; A study on modern butterfly wings showed that the structures go from simple to very complicated, and the structural color is something that has been evolving for millions of years.

The closest relative of this butterfly that is still alive is the micropterigidae, a primitive moth.

Although this moth has more dull colors, it is what started the evolution leading to the colors of butterflies like the blue morph.

https://www.popsci.com/butterfly-fossil-wing-color#page-3 Edited by Michael Morrow

Good job on the summary and I thought the topic was interesting.


The Evolving Colors of a Butterfly

The blue morpho butterfly has the popular known for being a beautiful insect. It has wings that flash a shade of blue, making it seem like they are glowing. The truth is that this "glow" is produced by changing the direction of incoming light, which plays a trick on our eyes. Scientists are curious to find out how long butterflies and similar insects had their different hues of flashy colors. A study on modern butterfly wings showed that the structures move from simple to complex and the structural color is something that has been evolving for millions of years. The closest relative of this butterfly that is still alive is the micropterigidae, a primitive moth. Although this moth has more dull colors, it is what started the evolution leading to the colors of butterflies like the blue morph.

https://www.popsci.com/butterfly-fossil-wing-color#page-3





Studying and Sleeping More Can Make You Happier

A study done by the USC Viterbi School of Engineering's Information Sciences Institute showed that students who don't procrastinate as much are happier than those who party and pull all-nighters.

In addition to having higher academic performances, they had a higher overall satisfaction with their lives.

The researchers were able to collect their data on the students by using monitored readings from mobile sensors.

Smartphones can sense light, sound, location, and sleeping patterns aid researchers in producing effective interpretations of students' behaviors and schedules.

      • Here, I wanted to shorten and simplify the sentence especially since this is supposed to be a summary.; Smartphones are able to sense light, sound, movements, location, and sleeping patterns which can aid scientists and researchers in producing effective interpretations on students' behaviors and sleeping/ socializing schedules.

This study resulted in consistent data proving that students with better GPAs spent more time at the library, did not relax a lot, and went to sleep before midnight. However, students with lower GPAs stayed up past midnight and spent more of their time relaxing before getting to their work.

      • Here, the sentence was too long by itself, so I split it into two parts. I also changed some word choice in the sentences. Instead of "poorer," I used "lower."; This study resulted in consistent data proving that students with better GPAs spent more time at the library, did not relax a lot, and went to sleep before midnight while students with poorer GPAs stayed up past midnight and spent more of their time relaxing and having fun before even getting to their work.

The USC researchers hope to find more evidence supporting the fact that more productivity leads to happiness and satisfaction.

      • The ending of this sentence was switched. The main idea of the article was to show how when students have success in school, they have satisfaction over their lives. It is important to keep that idea.; The USC researchers hope to find more evidence supporting the fact that happiness and satisfaction leads to more productivity.

https://phys.org/news/2018-04-students-dont-schooltheyre-happier.html Edited by Michael Morrow

Be more careful of how to say things. Before the revision, the last sentence almost controdicted your whole piece. So, pay close attention to word order and details like that.


Studying and Sleeping More Can Make You Happier

A study done by the USC Viterbi School of Engineering's Information Sciences Institute showed that students who don't procrastinate as much are happier than those who party and pull all-nighters. In addition to having higher academic performances, they had a higher overall satisfaction with their lives. The researchers were able to collect their data on the students by using monitored readings from mobile sensors. Smartphones can sense light, sound, location, and sleeping patterns aid researchers in producing effective interpretations of students' behaviors and schedules. This study resulted in consistent data proving that students with better GPAs spent more time at the library, did not relax a lot, and went to sleep before midnight. However, students with lower GPAs stayed up past midnight and spent more of their time relaxing before getting to their work. The USC researchers hope to find more evidence supporting the fact that more productivity leads to happiness and satisfaction.

https://phys.org/news/2018-04-students-dont-schooltheyre-happier.html




A Crack in Kenya's Great Rift Valley

      • I thought it would be helpful to add the name of the valley for specificity.; A Crack In Kenya's Valley

During March of 2018, there was heavy rainfall in a region near Nairobi, Kenya.

After this period, there was a huge crack exposed on the road.

This crack is a part of the Great Rift Valley, specifically the East African Rift.

The rift is made up of two other rifts that are associated with volcanoes.

      • Here, I changed word choice in the sentence. I changed “this” to “the” and “spotted” to “associated.”; This rift is made up of two other rifts that are spotted with volcanoes.

The rifts have been expanding while two tectonic plates, inside, move apart from each other.

      • I wanted to be specific, so I added “The rifts.” And made “inside” an appositive.; They have been expanding as two tectonic plates inside move apart from each other.

The two plates are expected to separate completely and form their own land masses in about 50 million years.

Although this is a long time, the people living in this area will still be able to feel the effects of the gradual separation.

However, the crack in the East African Rift is being used as a road again by filling it with concrete and rocks.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2018/04/east-african-great-rift-valley-crack-spd/ Edited by Michael Morrow

Good job on the summary. Remember to try to be more specific.


A Crack in Kenya's Great Rift Valley

During March of 2018, there was heavy rainfall in a region near Nairobi, Kenya. After this period, there was a huge crack exposed on the road. This crack is a part of the Great Rift Valley, specifically the East African Rift. The rift is made up of two other rifts that are associated with volcanoes. The rifts have been expanding while two tectonic plates, inside, move apart from each other. The two plates are expected to separate completely and form their own land masses in about 50 million years. Although this is a long time, the people living in this area will still be able to feel the effects of the gradual separation. However, the crack in the East African Rift is being used as a road again by filling it with concrete and rocks.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2018/04/east-african-great-rift-valley-crack-spd/





Searching for Life Beyond Earth

Scientists have gone to great extents trying to find extraterrestrial life.

      • In the order you have this sentence set up, it is hard to follow. This can be fixed by swapping what comes before and after the comma.; Trying to find extraterrestrial life, scientists have gone to great extents.

Mars was found to have features hinting at liquid water, which is necessary for living things.

The moons of Saturn and Jupiter also hint at possible life in the oceans that are below their crusts.

Recently, scientists started searching for life in the clouds of Venus.

It's known that life on Earth can exist in acidic conditions, feed on carbon dioxide, and make sulfuric acid, all of which were found in Venus' atmosphere.

However, the conditions on the surface of Venus are not ideal for living, such as extremely high temperatures.

On the other hand, dark patches in the clouds of Venus were observed to have particles with similar characteristics to bacteria on Earth.

So, in order to gain more information, scientists and researchers are planning on exploring Venus even further.

      • I thought "so" would give a smoother transition. Without it, the sentence seems abrupt.; In order to gain more information, scientists and researchers are planning on exploring Venus even further.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/03/180330171302.htm Edited by Michael Morrow

You did a very good job on this summary.


Searching for Life Beyond Earth

Scientists have gone to great extents trying to find extraterrestrial life. Mars was found to have features hinting at liquid water, which is necessary for living things. The moons of Saturn and Jupiter also hint at possible life in the oceans that are below their crusts. Recently, scientists started searching for life in the clouds of Venus. It's known that life on Earth can exist in acidic conditions, feed on carbon dioxide, and make sulfuric acid, all of which were found in Venus' atmosphere. However, the conditions on the surface of Venus are not ideal for living, such as extremely high temperatures. On the other hand, dark patches in the clouds of Venus were observed to have particles with similar characteristics to bacteria on Earth. So, in order to gain more information, scientists and researchers are planning on exploring Venus even further.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/03/180330171302.htm





Easter Eggs and Cherry Trees in the U.S. during WWII

1941 was the last Easter celebration before the United States entered World War II.

Even though the U.S. was neutral during this period, it was not unusual to see terrors facing the world in Easter egg decorations.

      • A article needed to be added before "U.S."; Even though U.S. was neutral during this time period, it was not unusual to see terrors facing the world in Easter egg decorations.

For example, there were eggs with the face of Hitler on them that many people were willing to smash.

Evidence of Easter eggs can be dated back to the time of King Edward I of Great Britain, who gave his royal court members colored eggs as Easter gifts.

Another symbol in the U.S. is the cherry tree in Washington D.C., which was adopted from Japan.

      • I added a period behind "U.S." I removed "significant" because I thought it really was not needed for this statement.; Another significant symbol in the U.S is the cherry tree in Washington D.C., which was adopted from Japan.

Japan offered to donate 2,000 of these trees to D.C during the late 1930s, however, they soon became opponents during World War II.

      • I thought these two sentences could be combined. The sentences work well together enough to be put together.; Japan had even offered to donate 2,000 of these trees to D.C during the late 1930s. Unfortunately, they soon became opponents during an upcoming deadly war.

https://www.history.com/news/easter-eggs-hitler-wwii Edited by Michael Morrow

Good job on the summary! Be sure to do a final proofread before submitting, which includes reading your work aloud.


Easter Eggs and Cherry Trees in the U.S. during WWII

1941 was the last Easter celebration before the United States entered World War II. Even though the U.S. was neutral during this period, it was not unusual to see terrors facing the world in Easter egg decorations. For example, there were eggs with the face of Hitler on them that many people were willing to smash. Evidence of Easter eggs can be dated back to the time of King Edward I of Great Britain, who gave his royal court members colored eggs as Easter gifts. Another symbol in the U.S. is the cherry tree in Washington D.C., which was adopted from Japan. Japan offered to donate 2,000 of these trees to D.C during the late 1930s, however, they soon became opponents during World War II.

https://www.history.com/news/easter-eggs-hitler-wwii




Debate on Cracking Knuckles

Although knuckle-cracking has existed for all human history, researchers are not certain about how and why this happens.

      • Here, I removed and replaced a few words. I thought it was important to add what kind of history because you can't say "all of history" when humans did not exist in all of history.; Although knuckle-cracking has been around for all of history, researchers still are not certain about how and why this happens.

While one scientific paper says that knuckle-cracking occurs due to the popping of air bubbles in the fluid around our joints, another paper states that it occurs due to the formation of these air bubbles.

      • I thought it would be best not to have two "states" in one sentence.; While one scientific paper states that knuckle-cracking occurs due to the popping of air bubbles in the fluid around our joints, another paper states that it occurs due to the formation of these air bubbles.

The formation of the bubbles is a process known as cavitation.

Researchers put an expert knuckle cracker into an MRI machine and investigated the procedure.

      • Here, I said what kind of machine it was. I removed "whole" and italicized "expert." How can one be an expert knuckle cracker?;Researchers put an expert knuckle cracker into a machine and investigated the whole procedure.

Their results showed that the sound of cracking knuckles occurred consistently with the creation of the cavitation bubbles.

However, this result was not trusted completely.

      • I assume you meant to say "completely" instead of "completed."; However, this result was not trusted completed.

Therefore, the researchers formulated a mathematical model to describe the precision of steps that happen when a joint pop.

      • I changed "researches" to "researchers."; Therefore, the researches formulated a mathematical model to describe the precision of steps that happen when a joint pops.

This is one of the first mathematical models to lead to answering why our knuckles crack.

https://www.livescience.com/62172-knuckle-cracking-debate.html Edited by Michael Morrow



Debate on Cracking Knuckles

Although knuckle-cracking has existed for all human history, researchers are not certain about how and why this happens. While one scientific paper says that knuckle-cracking occurs due to the popping of air bubbles in the fluid around our joints, another paper states that it occurs due to the formation of these air bubbles. The formation of the bubbles is a process known as cavitation. Researchers put an expert knuckle cracker into an MRI machine and investigated the procedure. Their results showed that the sound of cracking knuckles occurred consistently with the creation of the cavitation bubbles. However, this result was not trusted completely. Therefore, the researchers formulated a mathematical model to describe the precision of steps that happen when a joint pop. This is one of the first mathematical models to lead to answering why our knuckles crack.

https://www.livescience.com/62172-knuckle-cracking-debate.html





Whistling Caterpillars

When a caterpillar is in danger, it obviously cannot yell like a human would.

      • I think just having either "scream" or "yell" is fine, but not both.; When a caterpillar is in danger, it obviously cannot yell or scream like a human would.

Instead, it gives off a "crackling buzz" from its mouth, resembling the sound of a tea kettle.

Many insects can make noises and have evolved the ways in which they produce these noises.

      • I removed the comma and "they." Also, I replaced "are capable of making" with the simpler "can make."; Many insects are capable of making noises, and they have evolved the ways in which they produce these noises.

In a study that tested this theory, it was confirmed that caterpillars used their mouths to make "threatening" noises to their predators.

This was seen in a caterpillar's body, which has two chambers.

The alarming sound is created by forcing air in a cycle through the guts and the chambers.

      • I changed "alarmed" to "alarming."; The alarmed sound is created by forcing air in a cycle through the guts and the chambers.

Scientists are now curious as to how this mechanism works and how it came to be.

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/inkfish/2018/03/23/to-scare-off-predators-caterpillar-whistles-like-a-kettle/#.WrWpOmaZNmA Edited by Michael Morrow

Remember that commas only go before "and" when you are listing things. Otherwise, it should not be there.


Whistling Caterpillars

When a caterpillar is in danger, it obviously cannot yell like a human would. Instead, it gives off a "crackling buzz" from its mouth, resembling the sound of a tea kettle. Many insects can make noises and have evolved the ways in which they produce these noises. In a study that tested this theory, it was confirmed that caterpillars used their mouths to make "threatening" noises to their predators. This was seen in a caterpillar's body, which has two chambers. The alarming sound is created by forcing air in a cycle through the guts and the chambers. Scientists are now curious as to how this mechanism works and how it came to be.

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/inkfish/2018/03/23/to-scare-off-predators-caterpillar-whistles-like-a-kettle/#.WrWpOmaZNmA





Saving Birds from Wind Turbines

Wind turbines are the reason for about 350,000 bird deaths annually.

When birds fly, they usually focus on the ground below to navigate and don't expect to crash into anything at high elevations.

      • Here, I removed some words that made it and added a comma.; When birds fly they usually focus on the ground below them to navigate, so they don't expect to crash into anything at high elevations.

A solution that scientists have come up with for this is an acoustic lighthouse.

This is a speaker near a turbine that plays a high-pitched sound when a bird comes too close to it.

      • I removed "basically" because it was not needed.; This is basically a speaker near a turbine that plays a high-pitched sound when a bird comes too close to it.

The noise is supposed to surprise the bird, making it fly upwards and away from that direction.

An experiment using these speakers was performed and it turned out that they made an impact.

      • Here I removed "actually" because it was not needed.; An experiment using these speakers was performed and it turned out that they actually made an impact.

The acoustic lighthouses caused some birds to change their course of flight, while others just slowed down.

Scientists and researchers hope these devices will hopefully decrease the number of bird deaths due to wind turbines.

https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/animals/a19448742/an-acoustic-lighthouse-could-save-birds-from-flying-into-wind-turbines/ Edited by Michael Morrow

Good job on the summary, but try to avoid wordiness.


Saving Birds from Wind Turbines

Wind turbines are the reason for about 350,000 bird deaths annually. When birds fly, they usually focus on the ground below to navigate and don't expect to crash into anything at high elevations. A solution that scientists have come up with for this is an acoustic lighthouse. This is a speaker near a turbine that plays a high-pitched sound when a bird comes too close to it. The noise is supposed to surprise the bird, making it fly upwards and away from that direction. An experiment using these speakers was performed and it turned out that they made an impact. The acoustic lighthouses caused some birds to change their course of flight, while others just slowed down. Scientists and researchers hope these devices will hopefully decrease the number of bird deaths due to wind turbines.

https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/animals/a19448742/an-acoustic-lighthouse-could-save-birds-from-flying-into-wind-turbines/




Climate Migration

Unfortunately, climate change will force people to "migrate" due to crop failures, lack of water, rising water levels.

This will most likely occur in places such as South Asia, Latin America, and Sub-Saharan Africa.

According to a report, people in the Pacific and Oceania islands, which are prone to floods and droughts, are already starting to migrate to seek for places with better farmlands.

On the bright side, there is still a chance to reduce the number of climate migrants.

This can be done by reducing greenhouse gas emissions and participating in vigorous environmental-friendly development.

      • Here, I removed the pronoun "we." It wasn't needed there and prior to this, no other collective pronoun wasn't used like that. I chose to go with just "development" because the engineering can be apart of the development and I added "vigorous" because it shows that not just any kind of development is needed.; We can do this by reducing greenhouse gas emissions and participating in environmental-friendly development/ engineering.

However, there is a time restriction, so if climate change is to be prevented from accelerating, actions have to be taken quickly.

      • Again, I removed the pronoun "we."; However, there is definitely a time restriction, so if we want to prevent climate change from accelerating, actions have to be taken quickly.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2018/03/climate-migrants-report-world-bank-spd/

This was a very good summary. I suggest not using such personal pronouns like I, we, and us. Depending on the topic, majority of the time, writings are stronger without them.


Climate Migration

Unfortunately, climate change will force people to "migrate" due to crop failures, lack of water, rising water levels. This will most likely occur in places such as South Asia, Latin America, and Sub-Saharan Africa. According to a report, people in the Pacific and Oceania islands, which are prone to floods and droughts, are already starting to migrate to seek for places with better farmlands. On the bright side, there is still a chance to reduce the number of climate migrants. This can be done by reducing greenhouse gas emissions and participating in vigorous environmental-friendly development. However, there is a time restriction, so if climate change is to be prevented from accelerating, actions have to be taken quickly.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2018/03/climate-migrants-report-world-bank-spd/





Subscriptions for Taxis

Soon, it may be possible to subscribe to ride-hailing companies like Uber or Lyft the same way you would sign up for Netflix.

      • Instead of opening with "In the close future," I used "soon." It is quicker and means the same with fewer words.; In the close future, it may be possible to subscribe to ride-hailing companies like Uber or Lyft the same way you would sign up for Netflix.

The CEO of Lyft, Logan Green, declared this was their plan for the company.

He claimed that the way to make this idea successful would be by introducing self-driving taxis.

This would lower the cost per mile and passengers would not have to pay a driver.

      • I changed the pronouns at the beginning of the sentence. Instead of addressing the taxis (with "they"), it would be better to address the whole idea (with "this").; They would lower the cost per mile and passengers would not have to pay a driver.

Lyft started collaborating with the software company called nuTonomy and opened an engineering center to work on the technology for the autonomous vehicles.

      • Since you used past tense verbs before "and," I changed the second half to match. I thought the software company should be added for the reader's benefit.; Lyft has already started collaborating with teams and opening an engineering center in order to work on the necessary technology for their autonomous vehicles.

Of course, there are other companies working in congruence with Lyft.

      • Here is a good place to say what other companies are on the same page. Also, I reworded the sentence to make it better understandable.; Of course, there are also other companies working on the same page as Lyft.

This advancement is making businesses based more on service rather than products.

https://www.popsci.com/lyft-subscription-self-driving-car Edited by Michael Morrow

Interesting topic. Remember to try to add names and information that would seem important like the software company part. Use that to go into more detail.

Subscriptions for Taxis

Soon, it may be possible to subscribe to ride-hailing companies like Uber or Lyft the same way you would sign up for Netflix. The CEO of Lyft, Logan Green, declared this was their plan for the company. He claimed that the way to make this idea successful would be by introducing self-driving taxis. This would lower the cost per mile and passengers would not have to pay a driver. Lyft started collaborating with the software company called nuTonomy and opened an engineering center to work on the technology for the autonomous vehicles. Of course, there are other companies working in congruence with Lyft. This advancement is making businesses based more on service rather than products.

https://www.popsci.com/lyft-subscription-self-driving-car





Creating a Smaller Social Circle

Most people believe that forming a high number of connections will help you find more opportunities in society.

Contrary to popular belief, there isn't any relation between having bigger networks and forming more connections.

      • I removed "really" because it was not needed.; Contrary to popular belief, there really isn't any relation between having bigger networks and forming more connections.

Being a person with many connections mainly depends on the surrounding people who you share respect, admiration, and beliefs with.

      • I removed some words to make the sentence less wordy.; Being a person with many connections depends a lot on surrounding yourself with people who you can share respect, admiration, and beliefs with.

In reality, this group of people is actually not that large but still makes a difference in your life.

      • This sentence really needed an opening transition to help the reader.; This group of people is actually not that large but still makes a difference in your life.

Your reputation can be based on your inner circle, so it's important to be with people who will encourage growth within you.

The way to go about this is by first finding out your traits, personalities, and characteristics.

These include your socializing skills, your habits, and things you spend a lot of your time on.

After finding information about yourself, you have to get information on others, like those you usually associate with and those you would rather not interact with.

      • Here, I tried to shorten the sentence and make it less wordy.; After you find out information about yourself, you have to get information on other people, such as those who you usually associate with and those who you would rather not interact with.

By doing this you will have a more concise inner circle smaller, therefore giving yourself more time to strengthen relationships with more significant people.

      • In this sentence, I tried to make the language more concise.;By doing this you will be making your inner circle smaller, therefore giving you more time to strengthen your relationships with the more significant people.

Soon enough, you may be able to become a person with a lot of ties.

https://hbr.org/2018/03/why-your-inner-circle-should-stay-small-and-how-to-shrink-it Edited by Michael Morrow

I recommend making sure that you use more concise and brief language and avoid being wordy.


Creating a Smaller Social Circle

Most people believe that forming a high number of connections will help you find more opportunities in society. Contrary to popular belief, there isn't any relation between having bigger networks and forming more connections. Being a person with many connections mainly depends on the surrounding people who you share respect, admiration, and beliefs with. In reality, this group of people is actually not that large but still makes a difference in your life. Your reputation can be based on your inner circle, so it's important to be with people who will encourage growth within you. The way to go about this is by first finding out your traits, personalities, and characteristics. These include your socializing skills, your habits, and things you spend a lot of your time on. After finding information about yourself, you have to get information on others, like those you usually associate with and those you would rather not interact with. By doing this you will have a more concise inner circle smaller, therefore giving yourself more time to strengthen relationships with more significant people. Soon enough, you may be able to become a person with a lot of ties.

https://hbr.org/2018/03/why-your-inner-circle-should-stay-small-and-how-to-shrink-it





Shared Body Languages

Simple gestures like waving your hand are very common among humans.

The same goes for chimpanzees and bonobos, also known as our closest ape relatives.

A new study shows that these animals that we share ancestry with also share common gestures with us.

      • I removed "some common." Reading the sentence aloud felt like a mouth full and did not flow right.; A new study shows that these animals that we share some common ancestry with also share common gestures with us.

Scientists of this study observed bonobos and how they communicated with hand motions.

      • I removed "through their" because "with" does the job of two the words.; Scientists of this study observed bonobos and how they communicated through their hand motions.

When compared to those of chimpanzees, about 90 percent of their gestures overlapped.

However, it was also noted that some gestures were not inherited but learned or altered.

This study leads to more questions. Scientists will further investigate the relationship between human and ape gestures.

      • I made this sentence into two. Therefore, I polished the second sentence to make it flow better. There was no need to ownership of gestures. I swap some words around to give it a better read.; This study leads to many more questions, but now the scientists will investigate further on the relation between humans' and the apes' gestures.

http://www.sciencemag.org/news/2018/02/chimpanzees-bonobos-and-even-humans-may-share-ancient-body-language Edited by Michael Morrow

I recommend reading your sentences aloud. This way, you can find mistakes that your eyes tend to go over. Be sure to watch for word choice.


Shared Body Languages

Simple gestures like waving your hand are very common among humans. The same goes for chimpanzees and bonobos, also known as our closest ape relatives. A new study shows that these animals that we share ancestry with also share common gestures with us. Scientists of this study observed bonobos and how they communicated with hand motions. When compared to those of chimpanzees, about 90 percent of their gestures overlapped. However, it was also noted that some gestures were not inherited but learned or altered. This study leads to more questions. Scientists will further investigate the relationship between human and ape gestures.

http://www.sciencemag.org/news/2018/02/chimpanzees-bonobos-and-even-humans-may-share-ancient-body-language





Seizure-Causing Parasite

People, especially those in the United States, have a condition called neurocysticercosis.

      • "A lot of" was removed since "people" is already plural. Plus, I seemed wordy.; A lot of people, especially those in the United States, have a condition called neurocysticercosis.

This means that they have tapeworm larvae in their brain that create life-threatening cysts.

      • I made "brains" singular because people only have one brain.; This means that they have tapeworm larvae in their brains that create life-threatening cysts.

This disease occurs when someone consumes undercooked infected pork, which brings microscopic eggs of the pork's tapeworm in their stomach.

      • I removed "this is" and moved "undercooked."; This disease occurs when someone consumes infected pork that is undercooked, which brings microscopic eggs of the pork's tapeworm in their stomach.

If the eggs hatched in the person's stomach, the larvae could travel to the brain to form dangerous cysts, although some may be harmless.

      • Here, I did a lot of cutting in the sentence. I made it simpler and brief.; If the eggs happen to hatch in the person's stomach, then the larvae could travel all the way to the brain where they form the dangerous cysts, although some may be harmless.

Symptoms of neurocysticercosis include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, and mental disorders.

There may also be cases of meningitis, stroke, or blindness.

In the United States alone, at least 2,000 people were hospitalized because of this disease, annually.

      • I corrected the verb form in the sentence from "are" to "were."; In the United States alone, at least 2,000 people are hospitalized because of this disease annually.

So, if a person is suspected to have this condition, they should be diagnosed effectively and should be given the appropriate treatments.

      • Here I polished this sentence up. I removed some words and switched the ending around.; Neurocysticercosis can be fatal, so if a person is suspected to have this condition, they should be giving the right treatments and diagnosed in order to effectively manage it.

https://www.livescience.com/61844-brain-cysts-tapeworm-seizures.html Edited by Michael Morrow

Avoid being wordy and pay attention to word choice.


Seizure-Causing Parasite

People, especially those in the United States, have a condition called neurocysticercosis. This means that they have tapeworm larvae in their brain that create life-threatening cysts. This disease occurs when someone consumes undercooked infected pork, which brings microscopic eggs of the pork's tapeworm in their stomach. If the eggs hatched in the person's stomach, the larvae could travel to the brain to form dangerous cysts, although some may be harmless. Symptoms of neurocysticercosis include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, and mental disorders. There may also be cases of meningitis, stroke, or blindness. In the United States alone, at least 2,000 people were hospitalized because of this disease, annually. Neurocysticercosis can be fatal, so if a person is suspected to have this condition, they should be diagnosed effectively and should be given the appropriate treatments.

https://www.livescience.com/61844-brain-cysts-tapeworm-seizures.html





Strengthening Memories Through Sleep

Neuroscientists are discovering several ways to use sound and other stimuli during the sleeping period to make stronger memories.

In theist, researchers believed we could achieve this goal through osmosis.

In studies, they tried to teach participants new information by playing audio recordings while they slept.

      • This is a good sentence but as a reader, I would want to know what those recordings are. Adding what kind of recordings would help,"audio" would do the job for the sake of the sentence's length. Also, I cut down on words to shorten the sentence.; In studies, they tried to teach participants new information by playing recordings while they were sleeping.

However, this method didn't turn out to be successful.

Later, researchers used a technique called electroencephalography and realized there was a possible method to alter memory during sleep.

      • Here, I just made some word changes and made some removals.;Later on, researchers used a technique called electroencephalography and realized that there was a possible method to alter memory during sleep.

In 2007, neuroscientists reported that the method was to use smell.

Many studies were conducted and proved the statement that we could use smell to alter memories and then convince our brains to "rehearse" those memories during our sleep.

Likewise, some studies proved that using sound could have a similar result by using targeted memory reactivation.

There are still questions to be addressed by further research, like if reactivating memories wipe away old ones.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/how-sound-and-smell-cues-can-enhance-learning-while-you-sleep-180968180/ Edited by Michael Morrow

Awesome job on the summary! I will caution you about using longer sentences, however it is completely normal with science based articles.


Strengthening Memories Through Sleep

Neuroscientists are discovering several ways to use sound and other stimuli during the sleeping period to make stronger memories. In theist, researchers believed we could achieve this goal through osmosis. In studies, they tried to teach participants new information by playing audio recordings while they were sleeping. Later, researchers used a technique called electroencephalography and realized there was a possible method to alter memory during sleep. In 2007, neuroscientists reported that the method was to use smell. Many studies were conducted and proved the statement that we could use smell to alter memories and then convince our brains to "rehearse" those memories during our sleep. Likewise, some studies proved that using sound could have a similar result by using targeted memory reactivation. There are still questions to be addressed by further research, like if reactivating memories wipe away old ones.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/how-sound-and-smell-cues-can-enhance-learning-while-you-sleep-180968180/





The Winter Olympics' Bobsled Course

Bobsledding is a thrilling, yet dangerous, sport with high stakes.

      • Here, I removed "really" and added "yet," while incorporating an appositive, therefore, rewording the sentence.; Bobsledding is a really dangerous and thrilling sport with high stakes.

In the 2018 Winter Olympics, the bobsled venue at the Alpensia Sliding Center was created by the constructing and engineering unit of Daelim Industrial.

      • Instead of having the long opening of "In this year's Winter Olympics in South Korea," I shortened it to "In the 2018 Winter Olympics." An alternative could be "Pyeongchang 2018 Winter Olympics."; In this year's Winter Olympics in South Korea, the bobsled venue at the Alpensia Sliding Center was created by the constructing and engineering unit of Daelim Industrial.

According to the company's manager, it was a challenge to build a unique course to fit the area's topography within the project's budget and a short construction period.

      • In this sentence, I just removed the extra space between "within" and "the."; According to the company's manager, it was a challenge to build a unique course to fit the area's topography within the project's budget and a short construction period.

Therefore, they decided to use new technology that would help them get the work done more efficiently.

Instead of putting metal pipes into the course by hand to keep it steady, an automated machine was used which completed each section ten times faster than it would've taken to do it manually.

Also, Daelim designed a roof for the course in case of unexpected weather.

      • I added the company name to remind readers of it before the article closes. And for specificity, I added what the roof was for.; The company also designed a roof in case of unexpected weather.

This bobsled course took a lot of resources and might be continued to be used.

      • I condensed this sentence some. Instead of "endeavor and funding," I used a simpler "resources."; This bobsled course took a lot of endeavor and funding, and it might be continued to be put to use.

https://www.architecturaldigest.com/story/how-bobsled-course-designed-2018-winter-olympics Edited by Michael Morrow


The Winter Olympics' Bobsled Course

Bobsledding is a thrilling, yet dangerous, sport with high stakes. In the 2018 Winter Olympics, the bobsled venue at the Alpensia Sliding Center was created by the constructing and engineering unit of Daelim Industrial. According to the company's manager, it was a challenge to build a unique course to fit the area's topography within the project's budget and a short construction period. Therefore, they decided to use new technology that would help them get the work done more efficiently. Instead of putting metal pipes into the course by hand to keep it steady, an automated machine was used which completed each section ten times faster than it would've taken to do it manually. Also, Daelim designed a roof for the course in case of unexpected weather. This bobsled course took a lot of resources and might be continued to be used. https://www.architecturaldigest.com/story/how-bobsled-course-designed-2018-winter-olympics





The Right Way to Nap

It's a known fact that daytime napping may disrupt sleeping patterns and one's health.

      • The phrase is "commonly known" is oxymoron-ish. The sentence maintains the same meaning if one of them are used. I omitted "commonly" and "known" to stand on its own. Also, I added an apostrophe in "ones."; It's a commonly known fact that daytime napping may disrupt sleeping patterns and ones health.

Despite this, many people enjoy napping during the day.

If you nap "wisely," though, it's possible to provide health benefits.

This includes gaining lost energy, de-stressing, promoting creativity, and mood boosts.

On the other hand, some people's bodies are not designed for naps and might disrupt their sleeping routine.

      • I removed a few words because they were not needed. The revised sentence is shorter with the same meaning.; On the other hand, some people's bodies are simply not designed for taking naps and it might throw off their sleeping routine.

Also, if you take a nap that's too long or too short, it can cause drowsiness the whole day, or even grumpiness.

      • I replaced "sleepy" with "drowsy" because it is a more recognized professional term.; Also, if you take a nap that's too long or too short, it can cause sleepiness the whole day, or even grumpiness.

Insomniacs should stray away from napping as much as possible. Naps should last 20-30 minutes or 90 minutes, with nothing in between, for a proper recharge. It is recommended that people should not nap six hours within your bedtime.

      • I thought this long sentence could be broken up because there are multiple ideas that need to stand alone. Therefore, I reworded some of the sentences and removed one. I removed the you because the "you" character was not mentioned earlier, so it really should not be here now.; Insomniacs should stray away from napping as much as possible, naps should last 20-30 minutes or 90 minutes (nothing in between), naps should be taken at the same time, and you should not nap six hours within your bedtime.

By following these precautions, you will most likely end up feeling refreshed from your naps.

http://www.psyarticles.com/sleep/optimize-napping.htm Edited by Michael Morrow

Consider using more transitions in your writing and try not to bunch a lot of info into one sentence.


The Right Way to Nap

It's a known fact that daytime napping may disrupt sleeping patterns and one's health. Despite this, many people enjoy napping during the day. If you nap "wisely," though, it's possible to provide health benefits. This includes gaining lost energy, de-stressing, promoting creativity, and mood boosts. On the other hand, some people's bodies are not designed for naps and might disrupt their sleeping routine. Also, if you take a nap that's too long or too short, it can cause drowsiness the whole day, or even grumpiness. Insomniacs should stray away from napping as much as possible. Naps should last 20-30 minutes or 90 minutes, with nothing in between, for a proper recharge. It is recommended that people should not nap six hours within your bedtime. By following these precautions, you will most likely end up feeling refreshed from your naps.

http://www.psyarticles.com/sleep/optimize-napping.htm




The Effects of Weight Change on the Human Body

Major changes may be caused by increasing or decreasing weight, which can lead to inflammation and heart disease.

In a recent study, researchers gathered 23 people who would have to consume extra calories every day for about a month.

      • I removed the adjective "willing." It is not needed and to me, it changes the tone of the writing.; In a recent study, researchers gathered 23 willing people who would have to consume extra calories every day for about a month.

13 participants were insulin resistant and 10 participants were insulin sensitive.

The two groups showed different metabolisms, transcript levels, and protein levels.

After the participants gained weight, researchers detected changes in body molecules related to fat metabolism, inflammation, and a condition that could lead to heart failure.

However, a challenge that these researchers are facing is gaining credibility for physicians to analyze their data.

https://www.the-scientist.com/?articles.view/articleNo/51394/title/How-Gaining-and-Losing-Weight-Affects-the-Body/ Edited by Michael Morrow

Good job on the summary. Try not to use adjectives like "willing" if it isn't really important to the writing.


The Effects of Weight Change on the Human Body

Major changes may be caused by increasing or decreasing weight, which can lead to inflammation and heart disease. In a recent study, researchers gathered 23 people who would have to consume extra calories every day for about a month. 13 participants were insulin resistant and 10 participants were insulin sensitive. The two groups showed different metabolisms, transcript levels, and protein levels. After the participants gained weight, researchers detected changes in body molecules related to fat metabolism, inflammation, and a condition that could lead to heart failure. However, a challenge that these researchers are facing is gaining credibility for physicians to analyze their data.

https://www.the-scientist.com/?articles.view/articleNo/51394/title/How-Gaining-and-Losing-Weight-Affects-the-Body/




Training Aging Minds

A study was completed on an elderly group, using methods of creativity and critical thinking, to measure their cognitive speed and function has results that improve the brain’s processing speed.

      • Here, I restructured the sentence to give it more clarity.; A research on the cognitive speed and function of a group of older adults showed that using approaches like creativity and critical thinking improves the processing speed of the brain.

In turn, this lowers the decreasing brain functions that are correlated with normal aging.

      • I omitted the sentence because it does not fit the rest of the writing. It seems out of place.; In turn, this lowers the decreasing brain functions that are correlated with normal aging.

The adults were divided into three groups.

One of the groups used a program called SMART, which trained them to filter information so that incoming stimulations entering could be reduced.

      • I made "group" plural because you are still talking about all of the groups. I could not decide whether to explain the name of SMART. It would give additional detail, but would not be helpful to the writing. I removed some words to try to cut down on length as well.; One of the group used a program called SMART, which trained them to filter information so that the amount of stimulation entering at a time could be reduced.

The result was that the group who used SMART improved processing speed better than the group using aerobic exercises, which have been associated with brain speed and cognition for a very long time.

However, since this is early research, larger studies must be performed in order to confirm these findings.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cravings/201802/research-shows-promise-aging-brains Edited by Michael Morrow

Be sure to work on clarity.


Training Aging Minds

A study was completed on an elderly group, using methods of creativity and critical thinking, to measure their cognitive speed and function has results that improve the brain’s processing speed. The adults were divided into three groups. One of the groups used a program called SMART, which trained them to filter information so that incoming stimulations entering could be reduced. The result was that the group who used SMART improved processing speed better than the group using aerobic exercises, which have been associated with brain speed and cognition for a very long time. However, since this is early research, larger studies must be performed in order to confirm these findings.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cravings/201802/research-shows-promise-aging-brains





A Virus Similar to the Flu

There is a virus called adenovirus, which can make you feel feverish and miserable during the winter, just like the flu.

      • I changed "that" to "which" to give smoother sounding flow.; There is a virus called adenovirus that can make you feel feverish and miserable during the winter, just like the flu.

Adenovirus is a diverse and productive virus that can lead to different illnesses like pneumonia and conjunctivitis.

      • It is hard to understand what you are trying to say here, assuming it is because of a missing word. I went into the article and jazzed it up. This new revision gives the reader more details on the virus.; Adenoviruses are abundant cause several different illnesses.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), when respiratory infections occurs, it's hard to differentiate adenovirus from the flu.

      • Here, I added a reputable source to back the information being given. I removed the "they" because I could not figure out who "they" were.;When they cause respiratory infections, it's hard to differentiate from those caused by the flu.

However, there are differences between the two viruses, for example, the flu is a seasonal virus while adenovirus occurs annually.

      • I thought this sentence was on the wordy side so I removed "such as the fact that" and added "for example." Two words were able to replace five.;However, there are differences between the two viruses, such as the fact that the flu is a seasonal virus while adenovirus occurs annually.

An outbreak of adenovirus 10 years ago has proven that it can lead to severe symptoms.

U.S. military recruits are given vaccines for this virus, which has prevented about 15,000 cases of it, but scientists believe people outside the military should also be vaccinated.

To follow through with this idea, future studies would need to take place on the cost-effectiveness of adenovirus vaccinations and the populations they would benefit the most.

      • I simply removed "in order" and made "to" the first sentence. This cut back on words and
In order to follow through with this idea, future studies would need to take place on the cost-effectiveness of adenovirus vaccinations and the populations they would benefit the most.

https://www.livescience.com/61585-what-is-adenovirus.html Edited by Michael Morrow

Be sure to avoid being wordy. And be sure to proofread your work so you can notice missing words and other errors.


A Virus Similar to the Flu

There is a virus called adenovirus, which can make you feel feverish and miserable during the winter, just like the flu. Adenovirus is a diverse and productive virus that can lead to different illnesses like pneumonia and conjunctivitis. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), when respiratory infections occurs, it's hard to differentiate adenovirus from the flu. However, there are differences between the two viruses, for example, the flu is a seasonal virus while adenovirus occurs annually. An outbreak of adenovirus 10 years ago has proven that it can lead to severe symptoms. U.S. military recruits are given vaccines for this virus, which has prevented about 15,000 cases of it, but scientists believe people outside the military should also be vaccinated. To follow through with this idea, future studies would need to take place on the cost-effectiveness of adenovirus vaccinations and the populations they would benefit the most.

https://www.livescience.com/61585-what-is-adenovirus.html




Cuddling to Stay Healthy

Viruses can infect many people at a time because of microbes, bacteria that can disperse themselves quickly.

      • You should say what microbes are for interested readers who might not know what they are. Afer doing some research, I found that microbes are multiple things, so I went with a more recognizable term to define them: bacteria. I replaced "a lot" with "quickly." "A lot" was not doing the proper job for the sentence.; Viruses can infect many people at a time because of microbes, which can disperse themselves a lot.

Some microbes can be beneficial, especially the ones in our digestive system.

      • There is nothing truly wrong but "though" is removed because it was an extra unneeded word.;Some microbes can be beneficial, though, especially the ones in our digestive system.

According to Journal of Animal Ecology, a red-bellied lemur study showed that the more contact they have with each other, the more microbes they share.

      • Here, I wanted to add where to study came from. And doing this resulted in the change of word order in the sentence.;A study on red-bellied lemurs showed that the more contact they have with each other, the more microbes they share.

This protects them from infections like the flu.

Also, the fact that the lemurs share bacteria with each other reduces the risk of encountering dangerous and foreign microbes.

By continuing research on how animals retain their digestive microbes, we can find ways to benefit the health of humans, too.

https://www.popsci.com/red-bellied-lemur-huddle-gut-microbes#page-2 Edited by Michael Morrow

Be sure to note if something comes from a scientific journal or person. Try to avoid "though." Sometimes it just seems like an extra word with no meaning. Always try to explain or define certain words that people may not know.


Cuddling to Stay Healthy

Viruses can infect many people at a time because of microbes, bacteria that can disperse themselves quickly. Some microbes can be beneficial, especially the ones in our digestive system. According to Journal of Animal Ecology, a red-bellied lemur study showed that the more contact they have with each other, the more microbes they share. This protects them from infections like the flu. Also, the fact that the lemurs share bacteria with each other reduces the risk of encountering dangerous and foreign microbes. By continuing research on how animals retain their digestive microbes, we can find ways to benefit the health of humans, too.

https://www.popsci.com/red-bellied-lemur-huddle-gut-microbes#page-2





The Actual Health Effects of Juice

It is common for everyone to drink juice because it's easier than eating fruits and vegetables. Plus, it contains multiple vitamins and minerals.

      • Here, I did some chopping to this long sentence. I removed some words that weren't important like "almost" and "actual" and made "it is" into a contraction. I added "vegetables" because it is important to know that juices aren't just made from fruits and some juices are made up of both. I made this sentence into two to cut back on the length. In the second, I removed "also," replaced "has" with "contains," and added "multiple.";It is common for almost everyone to drink juice because it is easier than eating actual fruits and it also has vitamins and minerals.

However, experts believe that juice may not be as healthy as we think.

      • I simply removed "it is" at the end. Those extra words were not needed.;However, experts believe that juice may not be as healthy as we think it is.

For example, juice does not contain dietary fiber, which is part of the fruit or vegetable your body cannot digest.

This fiber, though, is necessary for regular healthy digestion and reduces chances of diseases like obesity or diabetes.

      • Here, I just shortened and simplified the sentence. I listed the "problems" as a disease since medical professionals consider them so.; This fiber, though, is necessary for regular healthy digestion and reduces chances of diseases and problems like obesity or diabetes.

Since you don't consume fiber when you drink juice, your body will only be consuming the natural sugars that can cause rapid increases in insulin.

This leads to issues such as weight gain and diabetes in the future.

A better option for your body, according to the food experts, can be smoothies with the right proportion.

      • So, I removed "amount of" and took the "-ing" off of "proportion."; A better option for your body, according to the food experts, can be smoothies with the right amount of proportioning.

It's important to remember that juice will result in health problems if it is heavily consumed.

      • So replaced "keep in mind" with a more basic "remember." And I replaced "overdone" with "heavily consumed" because the original word did have the right fit for a topic on juice.; It's important to keep in mind that juice will result in health problems if it is overdone.

http://time.com/5072703/drinking-juice-unhealthy-disadvantages/?xid=homepage Edited by Michael Morrow

I recommend working trying to not use long sentences and unnecessary word phrases.


The Actual Health Effects of Juice

It is common for everyone to drink juice because it’s easier than eating fruits and vegetables. Plus, it contains multiple vitamins and minerals. However, experts believe that juice may not be as healthy as we think. For example, juice does not contain dietary fiber, which is part of the fruit or vegetable your body cannot digest. This fiber, though, is necessary for regular healthy digestion and reduces chances of diseases like obesity or diabetes. Since you don't consume fiber when you drink juice, your body will only be consuming the natural sugars that can cause rapid increases in insulin. This leads to issues such as weight gain and diabetes in the future. A better option for your body, according to the food experts, can be smoothies with the right proportion. It's important to remember that juice will result in health problems if it is heavily consumed.

http://time.com/5072703/drinking-juice-unhealthy-disadvantages/?xid=homepage




Google May Have a Biased Fact Checker

It has been noticed that almost all of the websites that Google's fact-check system chooses to inspect are conservative.

These sites have a "Reviewed Claims" section, while there is only one liberal site with this section.

For example, The Daily Caller, a conservative publication website, reported that a member of a team investigating Russian involvement in the 2016 presidential election had donated to Hillary Clinton.

The Fact Checker translated this report to mean that the team was only hiring Hillary Clinton supporters, claiming it to be misleading and giving the website three lies.

      • The took the "ing" off of "meaning" because the original wording was confusing. Or you could keep the word and replace "to" with "in." And I removed the comma behind "misleading."; The Fact Checker translated this report to meaning that the team was only hiring Hillary Clinton supporters, claiming it to be misleading, and giving the website three lies.

However, this was not what the Daily Caller had stated.

      • Remember to put a comma behind words like "however."; However this was not what the Daily Caller had stated.

Due to events like this, there is controversy in whether Google's new system is trustworthy.

      • I removed "or not" behind "whether" because they were not needed. "Whether" does the job on its own.; Due to events like this, there is controversy in whether or not Google's new system is trustworthy.

https://www.studentnewsdaily.com/example-of-media-bias/is-googles-fact-checker-biased/ Edited by Michael Morrow

Remember to put a comma behind introductory phrases like "however" or "also." Treat it like "for example."


Google May Have a Biased Fact Checker

It has been noticed that almost all of the websites that Google's fact-check system chooses to inspect are conservative. These sites have a "Reviewed Claims" section, while there is only one liberal site with this section. For example, The Daily Caller, a conservative publication website, reported that a member of a team investigating Russian involvement in the 2016 presidential election had donated to Hillary Clinton. The Fact Checker translated this report to mean that the team was only hiring Hillary Clinton supporters, claiming it to be misleading and giving the website three lies. However, this was not what the Daily Caller had stated. Due to events like this, there is controversy in whether Google's new system is trustworthy.

https://www.studentnewsdaily.com/example-of-media-bias/is-googles-fact-checker-biased/






The Dangerous Flu Season

The flu is a very common and perpetual virus.

The Centers for Disease Control recently published a report that confirmed 2017/2018 as an unpleasant year for the flu due to the increase in the hospitalization rates for it.

      • I added the source of the report to add credibility to the sentence and statement. So, I did have to change the wording for in the sentence to fit the new format.; A recent report confirmed that this year is an unpleasant year for the flu due to the increase in the hospitalization rates for it.

The reasons for this heightened flu season include the nature of the virus, H3N2, the little exposure that people receive, and its vaccine.

      • Try to keep from using adjectives. For example, just because you may think something is good or bad that does not mean others will. So, in the place of "unfortunate," I'm using "heightened." ANd to remove that repetitive feel, I am omitting the second "flu" and used "virus" instead.; The reasons for this unfortunate flu season include the nature of the flu, H3N2, the little exposure that people receive to it, and its vaccine.

Every year, flu viruses undergo a mutation which is why there is no cure for the flu.

      • Here, I removed "really" and I replaced "against" with "for."; Every year, flu viruses undergo a mutation which is why there really is no cure against the flu.

Since people have not been exposed to this virus, H3N2, a lot, their bodies have not yet grown immune.

In addition to this, scientists reported that this year's flu vaccine was only at most 30 percent effective in fighting H3N2, although the most effective a vaccine can be is around 60 percent.

      • Here I only just added an apostrophe in "years."; In addition to this, scientists reported that this years flu vaccine was only at most 30 percent effective in fighting H3N2, although the most effective a vaccine can be is around 60 percent.

It is still important to take annual flu vaccinations and if we stay healthy then it is extremely rare for the flu to be fatal for us.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2018/01/flu-influenza-h3n2-virus-outbreak-vaccine-spd/ Edited by Michael Morrow

When writing, try to avoid adjective uasge and remember to add where a study or report is coming from.

The Dangerous Flu Season

The flu is a very common and perpetual virus. The Centers for Disease Control recently published a report that confirmed 2017/2018 as an unpleasant year for the flu due to the increase in the hospitalization rates for it. The reasons for this heightened flu season include the nature of the virus, H3N2, the little exposure that people receive, and its vaccine. Every year, flu viruses undergo a mutation which is why there is no cure for the flu. Since people have not been exposed to this virus, H3N2, a lot, their bodies have not yet grown immune. In addition to this, scientists reported that this year's flu vaccine was only at most 30 percent effective in fighting H3N2, although the most effective a vaccine can be is around 60 percent. It is still important to take annual flu vaccinations and if we stay healthy then it is extremely rare for the flu to be fatal for us.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2018/01/flu-influenza-h3n2-virus-outbreak-vaccine-spd/




Pro-Women's Movement in Ancient Rome

      • I wanted to give the title a little more substance and to show more of the topic.; Women's March in Rome

Around 200 BC, Rome had a stern patriarchal society that limited women's rights.

      • I replaced "rigid" with "stern." This seems to be a more fitting for the sentence.; Around 200 BC, Rome had a rigid patriarchal society that limited women's rights.

A series of laws, called the Lex Oppia, were implemented to help Rome's economy from falling, which included tax raises and restrictions on women's freedom of clothing.

For example, they were not allowed to wear a certain amount of gold.

In addition, it was made clear that husbands and fathers had more control than their wives, daughters, and mothers.

All these events created a spark that led to Roman women standing up for their rights.

      • I removed " and trying to make their voices heard" because "standing up for their rights" does its job. They basically mean the same so I chose one.; All these events created a spark that led to Roman women standing up for their rights and trying to make their voices heard.

However, there were many oppositions to the repeal of the laws that restricted women's rights.

      • It is difficult to understand what you are trying to say here. I am sure the word "repayment" is the reason for begin thrown off. I used "repeal" as a replacement.; However, there were many oppositions to the repayment of the laws that restricted women's rights.

The women's anger grew and they started going to every street and street corner, asking men for their support and votes.

Although there were speeches made against the passing of the bill for repeals, the women kept persisting and did not let others silence them.

The Lex Oppia was successfully repealed after 20 years.

http://www.historytoday.com/laura-mccormack/womens-march-rome Edited by Michael Morrow


Pro-Women's Movement in Ancient Rome

Around 200 BC, Rome had a stern patriarchal society that limited women's rights. A series of laws, called the Lex Oppia, were implemented to help Rome's economy from falling, which included tax raises and restrictions on women's freedom of clothing. For example, they were not allowed to wear a certain amount of gold. In addition, it was made clear that husbands and fathers had more control than their wives, daughters, and mothers. All these events created a spark that led to Roman women standing up for their rights. However, there were many oppositions to the repeal of the laws that restricted women's rights. The women's anger grew and they started going to every street and street corner, asking men for their support and votes. Although there were speeches made against the passing of the bill for repeals, the women kept persisting and did not let others silence them. The Lex Oppia was successfully repealed after 20 years.

http://www.historytoday.com/laura-mccormack/womens-march-rome





Human Growth in Space

Recently, a Japanese astronaut came back from spending three weeks at the International Space Station and claimed that he had grown 3 inches taller.

      • The way "system" did not sound right and after looking at the article, it says "station" instead, which makes more sense.;Recently, a Japanese astronaut came back from spending three weeks at the International Space System and claimed that he had grown 3 inches taller.

Although the truth was that he only grew 2 centimeters, it was still an astonishing fact that proved spending time in space alters our bodies.

Human bodies are supposed to exist and grow under gravity, so when a person goes to space where there is barely any gravity, they will obviously go through physical changes.

For example, a zero-G environment causes your spine to stretch, unlike on Earth where gravity pushes the spine together and stops it from expanding.

      • Here, I made a small change in the sentence. I changed "in Earth" to "on Earth."; For example, a zero-G environment causes your spine to stretch, unlike in Earth where gravity pushes the spine together and stops it from expanding.

However, there are also downsides to being in a zero-G environment that potentially risk your health due to the major differences in the environment from Earth.

Therefore, if you go to space to get taller, you will lose that height gain once you are back on Earth.

      • I removed "sadly." That adverb is not needed. And I capitalized "Earth" at the end of the sentence.; Therefore, if you go to space to get taller, you will sadly lose that height gain once you are back on earth.

https://www.popsci.com/why-scott-kelly-grew-two-inches-during-his-year-in-space#page-2 Edited by Michael Morrow

Try to make sure you have the exact information from the article. Misinformation can lead to confusion and the discrediting of the writer.


Human Growth in Space

Recently, a Japanese astronaut came back from spending three weeks at the International Space Station and claimed that he had grown 3 inches taller. Although the truth was that he only grew 2 centimeters, it was still an astonishing fact that proved spending time in space alters our bodies. Human bodies are supposed to exist and grow under gravity, so when a person goes to space where there is barely any gravity, they will obviously go through physical changes. For example, a zero-G environment causes your spine to stretch, unlike on Earth where gravity pushes the spine together and stops it from expanding. However, there are also downsides to being in a zero-G environment that potentially risk your health due to the major differences in the environment from Earth. Therefore, if you go to space to get taller, you will lose that height gain once you are back on Earth.

https://www.popsci.com/why-scott-kelly-grew-two-inches-during-his-year-in-space#page-2





Degassing Cows

Every year, cows let out seven billion metric tons of carbon dioxide from their bodies into the atmosphere.

Scientists are currently working on decreasing this numerous amount of CO2 that acts as a greenhouse gas.

One possibility came up as a cure: seaweed.

A solution for the release of environmentally degrading gas is to stop raising cattle and eating beef.

      • It's hard to understand what you are trying to say here. The words "Am obvious panacea" can be replaced with something simpler like "A solution."; Am obvious panacea for the release of environmentally degrading gas is to stop raising cattle and eating beef.

However, this is not an easy task for everyone, which is where seaweed comes in.

      • I combined these two sentences because they were too short to stand alone and they benefit from each other.; However, this is not an easy task for everyone. That is where seaweed comes in.

In a study, seaweed reduced methane production by almost 99 percent.

The problem is that we don't have enough seaweed in the world to feed to all cows and quickly fix this situation.

      • I removed the unneeded "though."; The problem, though, is that we don't have enough seaweed in the world to feed to all cows and quickly fix this situation.

Now, increasing legislation is directed towards cutting methane emissions from livestock, even if there must be some practical techniques to reduce it.

      • I changed "technology" to "technique" because it seemed more fitting in the sentence.; Now, increasing legislation is directed towards cutting methane emissions from livestock, even if there must be some practical technology to reduce it.

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/people-and-culture/food/the-plate/2016/11/seaweed-may-be-the-solution-for-burping-cows/?source=sitenav Edited by Michael Morrow


Degassing Cows

Every year, cows let out seven billion metric tons of carbon dioxide from their bodies into the atmosphere. Scientists are currently working on decreasing this numerous amount of CO2 that acts as a greenhouse gas. One possibility came up as a cure: seaweed. A solution for the release of environmentally degrading gas is to stop raising cattle and eating beef. However, this is not an easy task for everyone, which is where seaweed comes in. In a study, seaweed reduced methane production by almost 99 percent. The problem is that we don't have enough seaweed in the world to feed to all cows and quickly fix this situation. Now, increasing legislation is directed towards cutting methane emissions from livestock, even if there must be some practical techniques to reduce it.

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/people-and-culture/food/the-plate/2016/11/seaweed-may-be-the-solution-for-burping-cows/?source=sitenav





The First Robot Citizen in the World

On October 25, Sophia was all over the news for becoming an actual citizen of Saudi Arabia.

She was made to look and act like a human.

      • I removed the first "like" to avoid being repetitive and I think that the second "like" covers both "look and act."; She was made to look like and act like a human.

Although Sophia does not have a heart or brain, she has a sense of humor and can express feelings, which is part of the way she was designed to act.

      • I removed that unnecessary "has."; Although Sophia does not have a heart or brain, she has has a sense of humor and can express feelings, which is part of the way she was designed to act.

Being a social robot, Sophia claims she wants to live and work with humans.

      • I replaced "she" with "Sophia."; Being a social robot, she claims she wants to live and work with humans.

Hence, she uses emotions to "understand humans and build trust with people."

      • To cut down on pronoun usage I removed "her."; Hence, she uses her emotions to "understand humans and build trust with people."

Also, in response to a worry about her harming humanity, Sophia said that she will return whatever feelings people give to her.

Although we are not sure what robotic rights are and how a robot was able to become a citizen, we have to accept Sophia into this world since she will probably be staying for a long time.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/zarastone/2017/11/07/everything-you-need-to-know-about-sophia-the-worlds-first-robot-citizen/#6469ad1646fa Edited by Michael Morrow

Try to not be so heavy on pronouns.


The First Robot Citizen in the World

On October 25, Sophia was all over the news for becoming an actual citizen of Saudi Arabia. She was made to look and act like a human. Although Sophia does not have a heart or brain, she has a sense of humor and can express feelings, which is part of the way she was designed to act. Being a social robot, Sophia claims she wants to live and work with humans. Hence, she uses emotions to "understand humans and build trust with people." Also, in response to a worry about her harming humanity, Sophia said that she will return whatever feelings people give to her. Although we are not sure what robotic rights are and how a robot was able to become a citizen, we have to accept Sophia into this world since she will probably be staying for a long time.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/zarastone/2017/11/07/everything-you-need-to-know-about-sophia-the-worlds-first-robot-citizen/#6469ad1646fa




Inventing the Future

Douglas Engelbart, an engineer with no marketing background, gave the first live demonstration of network personal computing and came up with the idea of using computers to solve urgent problems in the world.

      • I omitted "shy" from the sentence. I don't think knowing that he is shy will help move the article along.; Douglas Engelbart, a shy engineer with no marketing background, gave the first live demonstration of network personal computing and came up with the idea of using computers to solve urgent problems in the world.

In his presentation, he introduced his program called the oN-Line system which was made to help people collaborate.

      • I removed the commas because they were not needed.; In his presentation, he introduced his program, called the oN-Line system, which was made to help people collaborate.

Engelbart was expecting his fellow engineers to join him and get involved in this new method of computing.

      • It was more fitting to say "fellow engineers" since he was targeting people who work in the same area as he did. I changed "wave" to "method" because it flowed better. When you said "wave," it was not exactly clear on what you were saying.; Engelbart was expecting his audience (engineers) to join him and get involved in his new wave of computing.

However, the audience ended up applauding him and leaving without any further discussion.

      • Here, I omitted the not needed "just."; However, the audience ended up applauding him and just leaving without any further discussion.

This was because Engelbert's work was considered farfetched and would be a huge risk to take for the engineers.

      • I removed the last four words at the end because it was already implied that they would have to collaborate with him earlier. And I replaced "really" with "considered.";This was because Engelbert's work was really farfetched and it would be a huge risk to take for the engineers to collaborate with him.

Later on, he got recognition for the invention of the mouse and he also ended up winning at least 40 awards.

      • I removed the comma in this sentence.; Later on, he got recognition for the invention of the mouse, and he also ended up winning at least 40 awards.

Regardless, Douglas Engelbart never felt fully appreciated for his advanced research and innovations.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/douglas-engelbart-invented-future-180967498/ Edited by Michael Morrow

Try to avoid being wordy and using a lot of adjectives.


Inventing the Future

Douglas Engelbart, an engineer with no marketing background, gave the first live demonstration of network personal computing and came up with the idea of using computers to solve urgent problems in the world. In his presentation, he introduced his program called the oN-Line system which was made to help people collaborate. Engelbart was expecting his fellow engineers to join him and get involved in this new method of computing. However, the audience ended up applauding him and leaving without any further discussion. This was because Engelbert's work was considered farfetched and would be a huge risk to take for the engineers. Later on, he got recognition for the invention of the mouse and he also ended up winning at least 40 awards. Regardless, Douglas Engelbart never felt fully appreciated for his advanced research and innovations.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/douglas-engelbart-invented-future-180967498/




Questioning the Existence of Pure Water

      • I wanted to remove the question from the title while keeping the same tone as you had.; Is There A Such Thing As Pure Water?

We see bottled water brands like Poland Spring and Fiji use the words "pure," "fresh," and "clean" in their advertisements.

Companies and businesses that "purify" water make over a billion dollars promising to only bring people pure H20 out of tap water.

      • Here, I enclosed "purify" in quotations. This keeps that questioning tone.; Companies and businesses that purify water make over a billion dollars promising to only bring people pure H20 out of tap water.

However, it has been proven that, unfortunately, pure water does not exist on Earth.

      • What do you mean "our?" I assume it is a typo and you were meaning to say "pure."; However, it has been proven that, unfortunately, our water does not exist on Earth.

According to a chemistry professor from Oregon State University, water takes in ions from the surrounding environment, so it cannot ever be truly "clean."

      • Here, you are just missing a comma behind "environment."; According to a chemistry professor from Oregon State University, water takes in ions from the surrounding environment so it cannot ever be truly "clean."

Also, the purer we try to make water, the more it will try to dissolve ions from any substance it encounters.

      • I changed "more pure" to "purer." I replaced "comes in contact with" with "encounters" to cut back on word usage.; Also, the more pure we try to make water, the more it will try to dissolve ions from any substance it comes in contact with.

However, tap water in most places is still safe to drink since the water is distilled with very few impurities left.

https://www.livescience.com/61302-does-pure-water-exist.html Edited by Michael Morrow

Avoid using questions in the title. Know how to effectively use superlatives with words.


Questioning the Existence of Pure Water

We see bottled water brands like Poland Spring and Fiji use the words "pure," "fresh," and "clean" in their advertisements. Companies and businesses that "purify" water make over a billion dollars promising to only bring people pure H20 out of tap water. However, it has been proven that, unfortunately, pure water does not exist on Earth. According to a chemistry professor from Oregon State University, water takes in ions from the surrounding environment, so it cannot ever be truly "clean." Also, the purer we try to make water, the more it will try to dissolve ions from any substance it encounters. However, tap water in most places is still safe to drink since the water is distilled with very few impurities left.

https://www.livescience.com/61302-does-pure-water-exist.html





Mysterious Whirlpools in the Ocean

Throughout the southern seas, scientists have discovered rotating masses of water, called eddies, that look like whirlpools.

In pairs, eddies can go ten times faster than when they are alone and can take in small marine animals.

      • I removed the comma and "they." The pronoun really isn't needed since we already who you're referring to.; In pairs, eddies can go ten times faster than when they are alone, and they can take in small marine animals.

Eddies are often created by large turbulent ocean currents and transport nutrients that are usually found in deeper waters.

      • It seems like there is something missing where "turbulence" is. You could either put "in" before "larger" or change it to "large turbulent ocean currents."; Eddies are often created by turbulence larger ocean currents and they transport nutrients that are usually found in deeper waters.

This is beneficial because it is important for transporting heat from the equator to the waters near the poles.

      • I removed "actually" to be more concise with just "beneficial."; This is actually beneficial because it is important for transporting heat from the equator to the waters near the poles.

Scientists also noticed a smoke ring going the opposite direction of the eddies.

Smoke rings can be made when two eddies spinning in opposite directions crash into each other.

There is also a possibility that fish may follow the eddies because of the materials and resources carried by them.

https://www.popsci.com/mysterious-double-whirlpools-ocean#page-4 Edited by Michael Morrow


Mysterious Whirlpools in the Ocean

Throughout the southern seas, scientists have discovered rotating masses of water, called eddies, that look like whirlpools. In pairs, eddies can go ten times faster than when they are alone and can take in small marine animals. Eddies are often created by large turbulent ocean currents and transport nutrients that are usually found in deeper waters. This is beneficial because it is important for transporting heat from the equator to the waters near the poles. Scientists also noticed a smoke ring going the opposite direction of the eddies. Smoke rings can be made when two eddies spinning in opposite directions crash into each other. There is also a possibility that fish may follow the eddies because of the materials and resources carried by them.

https://www.popsci.com/mysterious-double-whirlpools-ocean#page-4





History of the Slave Trade

Starting from the 17th century, millions of Africans were forced to the New World to perform back-breaking labor under harsh conditions.

      • The main correction I had here was the term "African American." The term to use is more on the "African" side than "African-American."; Starting from the 17th century, millions of African Americans were forced to the New World to perform back-breaking labor under harsh conditions.

Even though the British abolished slave trading in 1807, illegal slave trading continued.

      • Here I just removed the unnecessary word "still."; Even though the British abolished slave trading in 1807, illegal slave trading still continued.

It was a barbaric practice and started a series of resistance and movements among the slaves.

      • I omitted "very" because "barbaric" is a strong enough word to stand on its own. Also, I changed "African Americans" to "slaves."; It was a very barbaric practice and started a series of resistance and movements among the African Americans.

The middle passage of the Trans-Atlantic slave trade was possibly even more brutal for the slaves.

      • I omitted "if that was possible" and replaced it with "possibly." This removes unneeded words from the sentence.; The middle passage of the Trans-Atlantic slave trade was even more brutal for the slaves, if that was possible.

In the West Indies, slaves started to unite and resist slavery, one way being through the religion of Christianity.

Their revolts were effective and by the late 1800s, resistance by slaves and abolitionists slowly got rid of practices of slavery.

https://scholar.library.miami.edu/slaves/slave_trade/slave_trade.html Edited by Michael Morrow

Work on word choice and try to avoid wordiness.


History of the Slave Trade

Starting from the 17th century, millions of Africans were forced to the New World to perform back-breaking labor under harsh conditions. Even though the British abolished slave trading in 1807, illegal slave trading continued. It was a barbaric practice and started a series of resistance and movements among the slaves. The middle passage of the Trans-Atlantic slave trade was possibly even more brutal for the slaves. In the West Indies, slaves started to unite and resist slavery, one way being through the religion of Christianity. Their revolts were effective and by the late 1800s, resistance by slaves and abolitionists slowly got rid of practices of slavery.

https://scholar.library.miami.edu/slaves/slave_trade/slave_trade.html





The Inventor of Figure Skating

Jackson Haines was first known for his stunts on ice before figure skating was a sport.

His path to fame was full of obstacles and it took a long time to convince Europeans to watch "ice dancing".

      • I removed "though" because it really was not needed.; His path to fame was full of obstacles, though, and it took a long time to convince Europeans to watch "ice dancing".

Ice skating had already existed since 3000 BC, but unfortunately figure skating took a longer time to be accepted.

      • I suggest that this sentence can be omitted completely because it does not do much for what you are saying and what is being said here is almost the same as what is being said in the previous sentence. But, if you wanted to you could replace "but unfortunately" with "however" if you want to keep the sentence.;Ice skating had already existed since 3000 BC, but unfortunately figure skating took a longer time to be accepted.

Jackson Haines was a professionally trained dancer and wanted to start dancing on ice.

Since he wasn't able to move forward with his idea in America, he headed to Europe, where he attracted large audiences and won prizes for his performances.

Later, skate blades were added under his boots to make movements easier.

      • In this sentence, I moved some words around and omitted some words as well.; Later on, he added skate blades under his boots to make his movements easier.

Haines did not ever get the opportunity to bring his popular figure skating back to America, but over time his dancing became incorporated into many other dances on ice and made its way to other nations.

http://www.history.com/news/the-man-who-invented-figure-skating-was-laughed-out-of-america Edited by Michael Morrow

I suggest working on word choice and try to avoid the repeatition of information.


The Inventor of Figure Skating

Jackson Haines was first known for his stunts on ice before figure skating was a sport. His path to fame was full of obstacles and it took a long time to convince Europeans to watch "ice dancing". Jackson Haines was a professionally trained dancer and wanted to start dancing on ice. Since he wasn't able to move forward with his idea in America, he headed to Europe, where he attracted large audiences and won prizes for his performances. Later, skate blades were added under his boots to make movements easier. Haines did not ever get the opportunity to bring his popular figure skating back to America, but over time his dancing became incorporated into many other dances on ice and made its way to other nations.

http://www.history.com/news/the-man-who-invented-figure-skating-was-laughed-out-of-america








Why Fractions Are So Complicated for Most Americans

In a study, it was shown that only 24% of eighth graders could accurately answer basic fraction equations.

      • So, in the sentence, I added a comma behind the introductory phrase "in a study." Also, I changed "simple question on fractions" to "basic fraction equations." I made the change because I wanted it to go into the direction of what language is used in education. You would see "basic" not "simple" and instead of "questions" you would see "equations."; In a study it was shown that only 24% of eighth graders could accurately answer a simple question on fractions.

Studies similar to this led to the conclusion that, unfortunately, U.S. children do worse on these problems compared to children studying in Europe or Asia.

There are two main types of difficulty: inherent and culturally contingent factors.

Inherent difficulties include notations to express fractions, relations between whole numbers and fractions, and the different arithmetic operations to use.

Culturally contingent factors include explanations of teachers, the language in which fractions are taught, and the way textbooks present the problems.

So, what can be done about the fact that many children and adults do not fully understand fractions?

      • This sentence needed a comma behind "so.";So what can be done about the fact that many children and adults do not fully understand fractions?

To start, teachers should maintain a more complex understanding of fractions, the subject can be taught with clearer methods, and textbooks can present more challenging problems.

      • Here, I changed the word choice while trying to use diction that would be used in a educational setting.; To start, teachers can get deeper understandings of fractions, the subject can be taught in clearer manners, and textbooks can present more challenging problems.

In response, a program called "Fraction Face-off!" was designed to help improve the knowledge of fractions in children from low-income backgrounds.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fractions-where-it-all-goes-wrong/ Edited by Michael Morrow


Why Fractions Are So Complicated for Most Americans

In a study, it was shown that only 24% of eighth graders could accurately answer basic fraction equations. Studies similar to this led to the conclusion that, unfortunately, U.S. children do worse on these problems compared to children studying in Europe or Asia. There are two main types of difficulty: inherent and culturally contingent factors. Inherent difficulties include notations to express fractions, relations between whole numbers and fractions, and the different arithmetic operations to use. Culturally contingent factors include explanations of teachers, the language in which fractions are taught, and the way textbooks present the problems. So, what can be done about the fact that many children and adults do not fully understand fractions? To start, teachers should maintain a more complex understanding of fractions, the subject can be taught with clearer methods, and textbooks can present more challenging problems.In response, a program called "Fraction Face-off!" was designed to help improve the knowledge of fractions in children from low-income backgrounds.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fractions-where-it-all-goes-wrong/




The Waltz: A Once Forbidden Dance

      • I added "the waltz" just to make the title more concise.; A Once Forbidden Dance

People today are familiar with the waltz, which has become a holiday traditional dance.

      • I removed the words: very and even. They weren't needed and did not anything for the sentence.; People today are very familiar with the waltz, which has even become a holiday traditional dance.

However, a surprising fact about this dance is that it started out as a form of rebellion by teenagers in the ballrooms of Vienna many years ago.

It caused indignation and brought about changes in European society.

By the late 1700s, the waltz was spreading throughout Europe and was adopted quickly, except for elders and conservatives.

      • Here it seemed like you were missing a verb to help the read. Also, I replaced "with the exception of" with "except for" just to have more concise language.; By the late 1700s, the waltz spread throughout Europe and was adopted quickly, with the exception of elders and conservatives.

These opponents claimed it was "too tactile" and not moral for unwed women.

Despite these criticisms, the popularity of the waltz led to the opening of the first public dance hall in Europe and other nations following soon after.

      • I dropped the comma and used "and."; Despite these criticisms, the popularity of the waltz led to the opening of the first public dance hall in Europe, other nations following soon after.

Soon, the waltz spread to the United States after the Civil War, creating American versions of the dance.

      • I reworded the sentence to add a transition and removed the unnecessary word "even."; The waltz even spread to the United States after the Civil War, creating American versions of the dance.

The waltz was a widely enjoyed activity, all the way up to the 20th century.

      • "Majorly" did not seem to fit here like "widely" could.; The waltz was a majorly enjoyed activity, all the way up to the 20th century.


https://www.nationalgeographic.com/archaeology-and-history/magazine/2017/11-12/history-waltz-dance-vienna/

I recommend working on using more concise language.


The Waltz: A Once Forbidden Dance

People today are familiar with the waltz, which has become a holiday traditional dance. However, a surprising fact about this dance is that it started out as a form of rebellion by teenagers in the ballrooms of Vienna many years ago. It caused indignation and brought about changes in European society. By the late 1700s, the waltz was spreading throughout Europe and was adopted quickly, except for elders and conservatives. Despite these criticisms, the popularity of the waltz led to the opening of the first public dance hall in Europe and other nations following soon after. Soon, the waltz spread to the United States after the Civil War, creating American versions of the dance. The waltz was a widely enjoyed activity, all the way up to the 20th century.

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/archaeology-and-history/magazine/2017/11-12/history-waltz-dance-vienna/





The Significance of the Plymouth Rock

Plymouth Rock is a granite stone that symbolizes the newfound nation of Plymouth, founded by William Bradford and the Mayflower pilgrims.

      • I joined "new found" to make one word or it could be changed into "newly found."; Plymouth Rock is a granite stone that symbolizes the new found nation of Plymouth, founded by William Bradford and the Mayflower pilgrims.

In 1774, the rock split in half and was said to represent the breach between England and the American colonies.

      • I changed the article used in this sentence from "a" to "the." This is something specific and even though the two had many skirmishes, the breach is still this one main idea.; In 1774, the rock split in half and was said to represent a breach between England and the American colonies.

The top half of the rock was sent to the town square in an attempt to irk New Englanders so that they would want to gain independence from the mother country.

      • I added the article "an" before attempt. I am going to assume that missing word between "sent" and "the" is "to." Also, I changed "peeve" to "irk." When begin used like this, "irk" is more common than "peeve."; The top half of the rock was sent the town square in attempt to peeve New Englanders so that they would want to gain independence from the mother country.

The other half of the rock was gradually chipped away at by people who wanted their share of its history.

For the colonists, Plymouth Rock is more than a rock carried from another continent, it defines who they are as a people.

      • I combined these two sentences and changed some other things in this sentence.I removed one of the "Plymouths" used here, so I chose the first one and turned it into "colonists" because that's what they were. I removed "out," it was not needed.; For the people of Plymouth, the Plymouth Rock is more than a rock carried out from another continent. It defines who they are as a people.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smithsonian-institution/the-true-story-behind-plymouth-rock-639690/

I recommend that you reread your work for errors. And read it aloud. I have learned that you can catch a lot of errors from when you say what you are writing.


The Significance of the Plymouth Rock

Plymouth Rock is a granite stone that symbolizes the newfound nation of Plymouth, founded by William Bradford and the Mayflower pilgrims. In 1774, the rock split in half and was said to represent the breach between England and the American colonies. The top half of the rock was sent to the town square in an attempt to irk New Englanders so that they would want to gain independence from the mother country. For the colonists, Plymouth Rock is more than a rock carried from another continent, it defines who they are as a people.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smithsonian-institution/the-true-story-behind-plymouth-rock-639690/





DNA Going Digital

      • I decided to change the title to show the reader what the article is saying. "Digital DNA" did not say what the article is about and what the subject matter is. To some, it could have looked like a music album title. So, be more specific in your titles. You see only one or two words could help readers understand the subject matter.; Digital DNA

Recently, biology has become more digitized, meaning computers can be used for things such as analyzing DNA and operating equipment.

This modernization, though, can lead to several risks, including the vandalization of machines and creation of dangerous materials.

For example, in 2010, a nuclear plant in Iran was found to have a harmful computer virus which attacked all equipment controlled by computers.

      • Instead of "deleterious," you could use "harmful." I am finding out more and more that when people read they want something simple and not having to look up every word. Yes, big words like "deleterious" are good to use, but in some cases, using a simplified word is fine too.; For example, in 2010, a nuclear plant in Iran was found to have a deleterious computer virus which attacked all equipment controlled by computers.

Today scientists are also able to chemically make synthetic DNA which is almost as easy to mess with as written documents are and it can be destructive.

      • I combined the two sentences here. I thought they would mesh well together. I conjoined them with a simple "which." I changed the beginning of the sentence by making "today" the first word and moving also a few words down. I omitted that comma behind "and" because it was not needed. It was not needed in the original sentence as well. Also, I cut down on a few words.; Also, today scientists are able to chemically make synthetic DNA. This is almost as easy to mess with as it is with written documents, and it can be destructive.

Not all digitalized biotechnology is harmful, seeing that they help scientists and researchers follow experiments and discover new information.

      • I changed the verb from "are" to "is" in the beginning. I thought it would be more fitting if the word used was "digitalized" instead of "digitizing." I omitted "through with" because they were just not needed words.; Not all digitizing biotechnology are harmful, seeing that they help scientists and researchers follow through with experiments and discover new information.

Either way, the security of the digital DNA interface is important to think about.

https://www.livescience.com/61131-digital-dna-cyberbiosecurity-risks.html Edited by Michael Morrow

Work on being more specific and word choice.

DNA Going Digital

Recently, biology has become more digitized, meaning computers can be used for things such as analyzing DNA and operating equipment. This modernization, though, can lead to several risks, including the vandalization of machines and creation of dangerous materials. For example, in 2010, a nuclear plant in Iran was found to have a harmful computer virus which attacked all equipment controlled by computers. Today scientists are also able to chemically make synthetic DNA which is almost as easy to mess with as written documents are and it can be destructive. Not all digitalized biotechnology is harmful, seeing that they help scientists and researchers follow experiments and discover new information. Either way, the security of the digital DNA interface is important to think about.

https://www.livescience.com/61131-digital-dna-cyberbiosecurity-risks.html





The Effect of Salty Foods on Your Diet and Weight

      • Edited for clarity; The Effects of High Salt Intake on Your Diet and Weight

We commonly hear that consuming too much salt can lead to high blood pressures.

      • Edited for grammar; We commonly hear that consuming too much salt can lead to high blood pressure.

A new study by Kento Kitada and his colleagues shows that eating salted foods can make you hungrier.

      • Edited for fluidity; A new study by Kento Kitada and his colleagues demonstrates that in addition to increasing a person's blood pressure, salt can have other effects on the human body.

For one, excess salt causes thirst, which increases a person's fluid intake. This increases urine output to flush the sodium out of the body.

      • Edited for fluidity; For one, excess salt can make you hungrier, which causes thirst and ultimately increases your fluid intake. This increases urine output to flush the sodium out of the body.

In addition, there is a similarity between humans and camels. We both can break down fat and muscle tissue in our body produce water. This process burns extra energy and calories, which leads to hunger, too.

      • Edited for fluidity; In addition, when humans eat a lot of salt our bodies break down fat and muscle tissue to produce water, a process also seen in camels. In doing this, our bodies burn extra energy, which in turn increases our hunger in another way.

These facts might make it seems as though eating more salty food could help with losing weight. However, the fat being broke down during the process of making water is not the type of fat you lose for weight loss.

      • Edited for grammar; These facts might make it seem as though eating more salty food could help with losing weight; however, the fat that is broken down during the process of making water is not the type of fat that contributes to weight loss.

Instead, a low amount of this specific fat can possibly result in Type 2 Diabetes. Also, since eating more salt raises your appetite, this could lead you to take in more calories than necessary. This study, though, has no evidence to prove a correlation between salt intake and weight loss.

      • Edited for grammar and fluidity; Instead, the breakdown of this specific fat can result in a high amount glucocorticoid hormones in your body, which are linked to a higher risk of Type 2 diabetes. You are also at a higher risk of eating more calories than necessary because of your increased appetite. Thus, this study does not prove that there is an effective correlation between high salt intake and weight loss.


The Effect of Salty Foods on Your Diet and Weight

We commonly hear that consuming too much salt can lead to high blood pressures. A new study by Kento Kitada and his colleagues shows that eating salted foods can make you hungrier. For one, excess salt causes thirst, which increases a person's fluid intake. This increases urine output to flush the sodium out of the body. In addition, there is a similarity between humans and camels. We both can break down fat and muscle tissue in our body produce water. This process burns extra energy and calories, which leads to hunger, too. These facts might make it seems as though eating more salty food could help with losing weight. However, the fat being broke down during the process of making water is not the type of fat you lose for weight loss. Instead, a low amount of this specific fat can possibly result in Type 2 Diabetes. Also, since eating more salt raises your appetite, this could lead you to take in more calories than necessary. This study, though, has no evidence to prove a correlation between salt intake and weight loss.

Fully Edited Article: The Effects of High Salt Intake on Your Diet and Weight We commonly hear that consuming too much salt can lead to high blood pressure. A new study by Kento Kitada and his colleagues demonstrates that in addition to increasing a person's blood pressure, salt can have other effects on the human body. For one, excess salt can make you hungrier, which causes thirst and ultimately increases your fluid intake. This increases urine output to flush the sodium out of the body. In addition, when humans eat a lot of salt our bodies break down fat and muscle tissue to produce water, a process also seen in camels. In doing this, our bodies burn extra energy, which in turn increases our hunger in another way. These facts might make it seem as though eating more salty food could help with losing weight; however, the fat that is broken down during the process of making water is not the type of fat that contributes to weight loss. Instead, the breakdown of this specific fat can result in a high amount glucocorticoid hormones in your body, which are linked to a higher risk of Type 2 diabetes. You are also at a higher risk of eating more calories than necessary because of your increased appetite. Thus, this study does not prove that there is an effective correlation between high salt intake and weight loss.

      • You need to work on: grammar and sentence structure.

Edited by Laurel Copes

http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/weight-loss/how-salty-foods-affect-hunger-and-weight-loss?page=1






Too Much Intelligence Can Be Harmful

People with high IQs are shown to succeed more than others in academic environments and workplaces.

      • I changed "school" to "academic" to give the phrase a more proper sound.; People with high IQs are shown to succeed more than others in school environments and workplaces.

Also, they tend to have a longer life span and healthier lives.

      • I moved "also" to the front of the sentence to give the sentence a transition and to possibly hint at what you will be writing on.; They also tend to have longer life spans and healthier lives.

Contrary to that, a study published by researcher Ruth Karpinski and her colleagues found that these people are prone to suffer from various disorders.

      • Here, I cut the sentence down some. I dropped the unneeded adjectives because they don't help with what you are writing. I turned "more likely" into "prone" and "a variety of serious" to "various." Try to use more concise and straightforward language instead of lengthy, wordy phrases.; Unfortunately, a study published by researcher Ruth Karpinski and her colleagues found that these exceptionally smart people are more likely to suffer from a variety of serious disorders.

Karpinski proposed the hyper brain/body theory to explain the association of "psychological and physiological overexcitabilities," or OEs, with being highly intelligent.

      • I removed "or OEs" from the quotations and left it on the outside because of thats really something that can be used as an aside and not be quoted.; Karpinski proposed the hyper brain/body theory to explain the association of "psychological and physiological overexcitabilities or OEs" with being highly intelligent.

These OEs include a susceptibility to worry and stress more.

However, since this study was taken among people in Mensa, it cannot be concluded yet that high intelligence is the cause of the disorders.

Although these findings do promise further research on the link between intelligence and health, people with higher IQs should watch their health carefully.

      • I added "do" here because the sentence did not seem to make sense without it. Plus, it seems like this sentence is missing the second half. When using "although" in a sentence think of it like a compare and contrast deal. Because you are saying "although more research is to be done, we can conclude that..." I added that "second part," but I am sure you can create a better one. So, I do recommend a revision.; Although, these findings promise further research on the link between intelligence and health.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bad-news-for-the-highly-intelligent/ Edited by Michael Morrow

Consider using more transitions to help move the reading along. Work on word choice, Use more concise language and not too many adjectives.


Too Much Intelligence Can Be Harmful

People with high IQs are shown to succeed more than others in academic environments and workplaces. Also, they tend to have a longer life span and healthier lives. Contrary to that, a study published by researcher Ruth Karpinski and her colleagues found that these people are prone to suffer from various disorders. Karpinski proposed the hyper brain/body theory to explain the association of "psychological and physiological overexcitabilities," or OEs, with being highly intelligent. These OEs include a susceptibility to worry and stress more. However, since this study was taken among people in Mensa, it cannot be concluded yet that high intelligence is the cause of the disorders. Although these findings do promise further research on the link between intelligence and health, people with higher IQs should watch their health carefully.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bad-news-for-the-highly-intelligent/





Rosa Parks Making Impacts Before the Bus Incident

Rosa Parks is well-known for her stance during the Montgomery Bus Boycott in 1956.

      • This sentence was a little confusing and led me to believe that something was missing from it. I added a hyphen between "well" and "known." And I added some much needed clarification. The incident I think you are talking about happened during the boycott in 1956. The boycott started in 1955 and it was not "her" boycott.; Rosa Parks is well known for her Montgomery Bus Boycott is 1955.

However, more than a decade before this, she joined the National Association of Colored People and worked on criminal justice, specifically in Alabama.

One of her motivations was when a white male neighbor attempted to sexually assault her.

      • I changed "the time" to "when" and added "sexually" to the sentence. Be specific. Assault has multiple definitions; it could mean he tried to fight her.; One of her motivations was the time a white male neighbor attempted to assault her.

Rosa Parks was also part of the documentary film "The Rape of Recy Taylor," which is a tribute to black women throughout the ages.

This film was just recently released, showing that this story, including others of the civil rights movement, is not one to be forgotten.

It will finally give 98-year-old Recy Taylor the chance to tell her story that was denied in the 1940s.

http://www.history.com/news/before-the-bus-rosa-parks-was-a-sexual-assault-investigator Edited by Michael Morrow

Make sure you have the correct information down before you use it. Do some extra research if you have to. Readers who know about the subject will immediately discredit your work if your info isn’t correct. And be specific on what you speak on. If you say “assault,” tell the reader what kind of assault.


Rosa Parks Making Impacts Before the Bus Incident

Rosa Parks is well-known for her stance during the Montgomery Bus Boycott in 1956. However, more than a decade before this, she joined the National Association of Colored People and worked on criminal justice, specifically in Alabama. One of her motivations was when a white male neighbor attempted to sexually assault her. Rosa Parks was also part of the documentary film "The Rape of Recy Taylor," which is a tribute to black women throughout the ages. This film was just recently released, showing that this story, including others of the civil rights movement, is not one to be forgotten. It will finally give 98-year-old Recy Taylor the chance to tell her story that was denied in the 1940s.

http://www.history.com/news/before-the-bus-rosa-parks-was-a-sexual-assault-investigator



Underwater Ice Cave

      • I thought it would make more sense if the title said "cave" instead of "age" since that's the main focus.; Underwater Ice Age

Under the Pie-XII Park in Montreal, a network of caves from the latest Ice Age was discovered.

      • I just changed the verb form from "were" to "was."; Under the Pie-XII Park in Montreal, a network of caves from the latest Ice Age were discovered.

This network was undiscovered for many years.

      • I cut off a few words that really was not needed. But with the shortness of the revised sentence, this could be joined with the next sentence by a semicolon.; This network was left undiscovered for many years until now.

Cave explorers found a small opening behind one cave, where they found a large room.

      • Here, I reworded the sentence and tried to remove some of the wordiness.; The cave explorers found a small opening behind one cave, in which they found a large room.

However, since the cave walls were made of solid limestone, two years of "industrial-strength" drilling was required to search beyond this small hole.

Once explorers gained a passage into the room, they saw 20 feet of perfectly structured ceilings and linings of stalagmites and stalactites.

      • I took off a few words, removed the comma, and added "of."; Once the explorers gained a passage through the large room, they saw 20 feet, perfectly structured ceilings and linings of stalagmites and stalactites.

It was concluded that these caves were freed by receding glaciers.

Since water is currently spilling into the deeper reaches of the cave, the explorers will resume their discovery and research once the water recedes.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/12/cave-discovery-montreal-st-leonard-ice-age-spd/ Edited by Michael Morrow

Make sure to try to avoid being wordy. That was the main thing for this passage.

Underwater Ice Cave

Under the Pie-XII Park in Montreal, a network of caves from the latest Ice Age was discovered. This network was undiscovered for many years. Cave explorers found a small opening behind one cave, where they found a large room. However, since the cave walls were made of solid limestone, two years of "industrial-strength" drilling was required to search beyond this small hole. Once explorers gained a passage into the room, they saw 20 feet of perfectly structured ceilings and linings of stalagmites and stalactites. It was concluded that these caves were freed by receding glaciers. Since water is currently spilling into the deeper reaches of the cave, the explorers will resume their discovery and research once the water recedes.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/12/cave-discovery-montreal-st-leonard-ice-age-spd/





The Brain of Dogs Versus Cats

A new study has shown that dogs are possibly more intelligent than cats.

This is because of the cerebral cortexes of dogs have twice as more neurons than cats, which means they have more brain cells for thought processes, planning, and behavior.

      • I changed "due to the fact that" to "because of" to cut down on wordiness and it says the same thing just in two words rather than five.;This is due to the fact that the cerebral cortexes of dogs have twice as more neurons than cats, which means they have more brain cells for thought processes, planning, and behavior.

In the study, led by Vanderbilt University professor, Suzana Herculano-Houzel, it was proved that certain mammals must outsmart prey to survive, so they have more neurons.

      • I thought here it was important to add where or who this study is coming from.; In the study, it was proved that certain mammals must outsmart prey to survive, so they have more neurons.

In addition, animals with larger brains, like non-carnivores, also have more neurons.

Out of all the mammals used in the study, the dog, specifically, the golden retriever, had the greatest number of cortical neurons: 627 million.

      • So, I removed the parenthesis and added commas to introduce the specific breed a little better. Also, I omitted the hyphen and added a colon at the end of the sentence. Colons introduce more information on the topic rather than the hyphen. I changed "amount" to "number" as well. ; Out of all the mammals used in the study, the dog (golden retriever) had the greatest amount of cortical neurons - 627 million.

However, the researchers state that their results don't lead to the fact that dogs are more intelligent than cats.

      • When it comes to "smarter and more intelligent," I say pick a word. Both are not needed and this cuts down on word usage.; However, the researchers state that their results don't lead to the fact that dogs are smarter and more intelligent than cats.

In order to truly compare their cognitive capabilities, more comparisons on these species will have to be performed.

http://time.com/5043239/dogs-smarter-cats-study/?xid=homepage Edited by Michael Morrow

In the future instead of using hyphens try to see if a colon would work. They are used into introduce more information on the topic like the number of neurons found. And try to avoid wordiness.


The Brain of Dogs Versus Cats

A new study has shown that dogs are possibly more intelligent than cats. This is because of the cerebral cortexes of dogs have twice as more neurons than cats, which means they have more brain cells for thought processes, planning, and behavior. In the study, led by Vanderbilt University professor, Suzana Herculano-Houzel, it was proved that certain mammals must outsmart prey to survive, so they have more neurons. In addition, animals with larger brains, like non-carnivores, also have more neurons. Out of all the mammals used in the study, the dog, specifically, the golden retriever, had the greatest number of cortical neurons: 627 million. However, the researchers state that their results don't lead to the fact that dogs are more intelligent than cats. In order to truly compare their cognitive capabilities, more comparisons on these species will have to be performed.

http://time.com/5043239/dogs-smarter-cats-study/?xid=homepage





Artificial Glaciers Water the Himalayas

Due to climate change, glaciers have shrunk and rainfall and temperatures became unpredictable in areas near the mountains, like the region of Ladakh in India.

Two years ago, in 2015, $125,000 was raised to build a 64-foot tall "ice-stupa."

      • I changed "feet" to "foot" and added a hyphen between "64" and "foot.";Two years ago, in 2015, $125,000 was raised to build a 64 feet tall "ice-stupa."

This is an artificial glacier that spouts water from mountain streams like a geyser.

It was created to stay frozen until it gets warmer for the sun to melt it.

Each ice-stupa supplies about ten million liters of water per year, enough to irrigate 25 acres of farmland.

This method has been spreading across mountains all over the world.

At the time being, water shortage is a major issue and it might disable future generations from farming.

If the local farmers start adapting to climate change now, they would be greatly assisting their descendants.

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/04/explore-desert-glaciers/ Edited by Michael Morrow

Good job on this one!


Artificial Glaciers Water the Himalayas

Due to climate change, glaciers have shrunk and rainfall and temperatures became unpredictable in areas near the mountains, like the region of Ladakh in India. Two years ago, in 2015, $125,000 was raised to build a 64-foot tall "ice-stupa." This is an artificial glacier that spouts water from mountain streams like a geyser. It was created to stay frozen until it gets warmer for the sun to melt it. Each ice-stupa supplies about ten million liters of water per year, enough to irrigate 25 acres of farmland. This method has been spreading across mountains all over the world. At the time being, water shortage is a major issue and it might disable future generations from farming. If the local farmers start adapting to climate change now, they would be greatly assisting their descendants.

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/04/explore-desert-glaciers/




How Turtles Hibernate Underwater

      • I thought the title could use a revision. The revised title says what the article is going to go into detail about.; Turtle Hibernation in Water

Being an ectotherm, a cold-blood animal, a turtle's body temperature changes with that of its environment, so if it is 1° Celsius outside, the turtle's body will also be that temperature.

      • Remember that it is important that you define terms that may not be familiar to the readers. Like "ectotherm" should have a simple definition so that when the word is mentioned again, they will know what it means. I added the degree symbol in front of "Celsius." I haven't figured out the keyboard trick, but I just copied and pasted the symbol.; Being an ectotherm, a turtle's body temperature changes with that of its environment, so if it is 1 degree Celsius outside, the turtle's body will also be that temperature.

When going into hibernation, turtles depend on stored energy and oxygen in the pond water they are in, which they take in through their butts; this is called cloacal respiration.

      • This is a good sentence, however, I tried to find a good replacement for "butts." I guess it is okay if the article uses it. If there is a way to get around using words like this, it can be taken. I thought these two sentences could be joined. The second sentence wasn't too strong to stand on its own.; When going into hibernation, turtles depend on stored energy and oxygen in the pond water they are in, which they take in through their butts. This is called cloacal respiration.

However, even ectothermic animals have their temperature limits.

Most turtles cannot survive in freezing temperatures, so they hibernate in fresh water.

Biologists observed the turtles to find out that they can survive in cold temperatures only for about 100 days.

      • So the main issue here is that we don't know where this research is coming from. We need to know what institution established this research or who did the work and their position. Knowing this will make all of this research presented legitimate. I found the original article and found that biologists did the work since there is no name or institution included.; In a science lab, they were observed to have survived in cold temperatures only for about 100 days.

It is important to understand how turtles adapt to different climate changes since recently they are at a risk of going extinct.

https://www.livescience.com/61018-turtles-breathe-through-butt.html Edited by Michael Morrow

If there is any way around using some unprofessional slang, try to see what can be done. I do recommend using different variations of sentence length, however, sometimes shorter one tends to be a little weaker than others. So, if you do have a shorter sentence, see if it similar in content with the sentence before or after it and maybe join it there.


How Turtles Hibernate Underwater

Being an ectotherm, a cold-blood animal, a turtle's body temperature changes with that of its environment, so if it is 1° Celsius outside, the turtle's body will also be that temperature. When going into hibernation, turtles depend on stored energy and oxygen in the pond water they are in, which they take in through their butts; this is called cloacal respiration. However, even ectothermic animals have their temperature limits. Most turtles cannot survive in freezing temperatures, so they hibernate in fresh water. Biologists observed the turtles to find out that they can survive in cold temperatures only for about 100 days. It is important to understand how turtles adapt to different climate changes since recently they are at a risk of going extinct.

https://www.livescience.com/61018-turtles-breathe-through-butt.html




Earth's Rotation Slowing Down

According to new research, the rotation of the Earth may slow down a little next year, which can result in an increase in earthquakes.

      • Remember to always capitalize the "E" in "Earth" when talking about the planet.; According to new research, the rotation of the earth may slow down a little next year, which can result in an increase in earthquakes.

Since 1900, there were about 15 earthquakes with a magnitude above six per year, but there were periods when this number rose to 35 earthquakes.

      • I omitted the numerical number of six and spelled it out however 35 can remain the same.; Since 1900, there were about 15 earthquakes with a magnitude above 6 per year, but there were periods when this number rose to 35 earthquakes.

Geophysicists found that these periods aligned with the times that the earth spun slower and the days were longer.

According to data, the planet "is entering a period of prolonged slower rotation" and "next year could see more quakes."

      • With this sentence I recommend just quoting right from the article.; Based on their data, the earth is now entering a period of continuous slower rotation, so this can lead to more earthquakes next year.

This information can be useful to know beforehand in order to perform construction and do city-planning with earthquake-safe techniques.

Plus, it does not take a major change in the rotation to have an effect on the Earth's interior stress.

      • Added an article before "rotation." And I capitalized the "E" in "Earth." ; Plus, it does not take a major change in rotation to have an effect on the earth's interior stress.


You should type out any number below ten. The more scientific the article the more you need to use names of researchers and prominent people in the field. And remember that when referring to the planet Earth or any other planet, always capitalize the first letter.

https://www.livescience.com/60989-slow-earth-rotation-triggers-earthquakes.html Edited by Michael Morrow


Earth's Rotation Slowing Down

According to new research, the rotation of the Earth may slow down a little next year, which can result in an increase in earthquakes. Since 1900, there were about 15 earthquakes with a magnitude above six per year, but there were periods when this number rose to 35 earthquakes. Geophysicists found that these periods aligned with the times that the earth spun slower and the days were longer. According to data, the planet "is entering a period of prolonged slower rotation" and "next year could see more quakes." This information can be useful to know beforehand in order to perform construction and do city-planning with earthquake-safe techniques. Plus, it does not take a major change in the rotation to have an effect on the Earth's interior stress.

https://www.livescience.com/60989-slow-earth-rotation-triggers-earthquakes.html





The Person Responsible for the Wipeout of Native Americans

      • I removed the hyphen between "wipe" and "out" and combined the words, it is a compound word. I recommend looking up certain words that may or may not have a hyphen. Those are normally tricky to figure out.; The Person Responsible for the Wipe-out of Native Americans


Around 1876, the Native Americans and buffalo of the Great Plains were killed off due to the actions of an American general, William Tecumseh Sherman.

      • I don't believe "eliminated" is the right word, you can use something much more concise like "destroyed," "terminated," or more specifically "killed off." The phrase "because of a deep respected" was omitted because this part can be more concise and the words can be replaced with "due to the actions of an."; Around 1876, the Native Americans and buffalo of the Great Plains were eliminated because of a deep respected American general, William Tecumseh Sherman.

He is well known for his march across Georgia during the Civil War, but people do not really know him for annihilating almost all of the United States' buffalo and relocating a numerous amount of indigenous people.

      • I think "bloody" can be removed if we're not going to get any detail on the march during the Civil War. Using that adjective draws in the readers and give them the mindset that they will be reading about that subject.; He is well known for his bloody march across Georgia during the Civil War, but people do not really know him for annihilating almost all of the United State's buffalo and relocating a numerous amount of indigenous people.

After the Civil War ended, the U.S. targeted the west for more land, so Sherman was given the job of forcing Native Americans onto reservations, taking over their land, and protecting the settlers.

As for the buffalo, they were an important part of Native American life; therefore, the idea was that removing the buffalo would get rid of the Native Americans much faster.

      • These two sentences can be combined, so I so by placing a semicolon between "life" and "therefore."; As for the buffalo, they were an important part of Native American life. Therefore, the idea was that removing the buffalo would get rid of the Native Americans much faster.


Though many Americans admired William Sherman for his actions to help the U.S., it still was not ethically right to destroy Native American culture.

      • I edited the last part of this sentence to give it a bitter read. I added "ethically" because it seems that this is apart of the argument; you could also use "morally." Then, I omitted "of him to fight" and got straight to the point.;Though many Americans admired William Sherman for his actions to help the U.S., it still was not right of him to fight to destroy Native American culture.

http://www.history.com/news/native-americans-have-general-sherman-to-thank-for-their-exile-to-reservations


The Person Responsible for the Wipeout of Native Americans

Around 1876, the Native Americans and buffalo of the Great Plains were killed off due to the actions of an American general, William Tecumseh Sherman. He is well known for his march across Georgia during the Civil War, but people do not really know him for annihilating almost all of the United States’ buffalo and relocating a numerous amount of indigenous people. After the Civil War ended, the U.S. targeted the west for more land, so Sherman was given the job of forcing Native Americans onto reservations, taking over their land, and protecting the settlers. As for the buffalo, they were an important part of Native American life; therefore, the idea was that removing the buffalo would get rid of the Native Americans much faster. Though many Americans admired William Sherman for his actions to help the U.S., it still was not ethically right to destroy Native American culture.

http://www.history.com/news/native-americans-have-general-sherman-to-thank-for-their-exile-to-reservations





The Reason Why We're All So Attracted to Facebook Ads

Almost everyone has been targeted and lured by ads, whether it be on social media or television commercials.

Focusing on Facebook, the ads there gives off a vibe of familiarity by popping up in the middle of your feed and showing names of family members or friends who have pressed the like button for that product.

      • Having "though" in this sentence would confuse the reader. I recommend you read your writings out aloud, so you will know what works and what does not sound right.; Focusing on Facebook, though, the ads there gives off a vibe of familiarity by popping up in the middle of your feed and showing names of family members or friends who have pressed the like button for that product.

However, people tend to be less trustworthy, looking for verbal hints to affirm that a product is real and worthy.

      • I removed "these days" because it does not help the sentence. I suggest working on being more concise and avoid being wordy.; However, these days people tend to be less trustworthy, looking for verbal hints to affirm that a product is real and worthy.

The two major verbal hints are "technology" and "new."

Those words give an illusion to the consumer that they are buying something superior to others, and this often makes them pleased with their purchase for the long-term.

It's pretty difficult for anyone to be immune to these infamous advertisements.

https://www.popsci.com/psychology-facebook-product-ads#page-4 Edited by Michael Morrow


The Reason Why We're All So Attracted to Facebook Ads

Almost everyone has been targeted and lured by ads, whether it be on social media or television commercials. Focusing on Facebook, the ads there gives off a vibe of familiarity by popping up in the middle of your feed and showing names of family members or friends who have pressed the like button for that product. However, people tend to be less trustworthy, looking for verbal hints to affirm that a product is real and worthy. The two major verbal hints are "technology" and "new." Those words give an illusion to the consumer that they are buying something superior to others, and this often makes them pleased with their purchase for the long-term. It's pretty difficult for anyone to be immune to these infamous advertisements.

https://www.popsci.com/psychology-facebook-product-ads#page-4 Edited by Michael Morrow





Super Eyes of a Bird

As much as we have improved on eye technology, none of those inventions could help humans compete with the superior eyesight of many birds of prey.

This is mostly due to the fact that these birds' eyes have unique anatomic features.

For example, while a human only has one fovea, raptors, birds of prey, have two.

      • Here is a good spot for you to mention that mainly birds of prey are called "raptors." Some may not know that birds are called that name. I recommend that you enclose "birds of prey" with commas instead of parentheticals.; For example, while a human only has one fovea, raptors (birds of prey) have two.

The foveas are lenses in the eye that magnify a bird's vision, which is mostly related as to how they can espy food from miles away.

      • I omitted "like" because, without it, the sentence functions fine and is straight to the point.; The foveas are like lenses that magnify a bird's vision, which is mostly related as to how they can espy food from miles away.

Also, raptors have been thought to obtain the ability to perceive UV light for years.

For airborne predators who scrutinize grounds for prey, this can be beneficial.

      • The adverb "really" is not needed. It would be more concise to remove the adverb.; For airborne predators who scrutinize grounds for prey, this can be really beneficial.

However, it turns out not all raptors possess this attribute.

      • I corrected the spelling of "possess."; However, it turns out not all raptors posses this attribute.

https://www.amnh.org/explore/news-blogs/news-posts/birds-of-prey-rely-on-super-sight-to-hunt Edited by Michael Morrow


Super Eyes of a Bird

As much as we have improved on eye technology, none of those inventions could help humans compete with the superior eyesight of many birds of prey. This is mostly due to the fact that these birds' eyes have unique anatomic features. For example, while a human only has one fovea, raptors, birds of prey, have two. The foveas are lenses in the eye that magnify a bird's vision, which is mostly related as to how they can espy food from miles away. Also, raptors have been thought to obtain the ability to perceive UV light for years. For airborne predators who scrutinize grounds for prey, this can be beneficial. However, it turns out not all raptors possess this attribute.

https://www.amnh.org/explore/news-blogs/news-posts/birds-of-prey-rely-on-super-sight-to-hunt





Suing Companies Responsible for the Damages of Climate Change

      • Remember to stay away from making titles with questions. In this title, you can simply state your position, if you want to change the revised title. In this revision, I just related the topic to the article while keeping majority of the original title.; Should We Sue Companies Responsible For the Damages of Climate Change?

Climate scientist, James Hansen, believes that by suing polluters, the world will be able to fight climate change.

      • Here I just added two commas: behind "scientist" and "Hansen." Besides that, the sentence is fine.; Climate scientist James Hansen believes that by suing polluters, the world will be able to fight climate change.

An immense amount of money is required to reduce carbon dioxide emission and take away existing carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, and according to Hansen, all this money should come from the companies releasing many pollutants into the air.

Currently, there are already climate lawsuits and governments being sued.

      • I thought "currently" would be a better fit than "At the present time." The two say the same thing, but just using "currently" cut down on wordiness. I also removed the second "and" later in the sentence. I recommend just reading over your sentences carefully to make sure there are no mistakes.; At the present time, there are already climate lawsuits and and governments being sued.

James Hansen, himself, is involved in a lawsuit against the U.S. government, arguing that future generations' rights of life, liberty, and property have been violated by the failure of the government to restrict carbon dioxide emissions.

      • I enclosed "himself" in commas, but in actuality, you could omit the word altogether.; James Hansen himself is involved in a lawsuit against the U.S. government, arguing that future generations' rights of life, liberty, and property have been violated by the failure of the government to restrict carbon dioxide emissions.

There are many extreme weathers yet to come, so we need to make a move to start eliminating CO2 discharge.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/11/james-hansen-fight-climate-change-sue-pollutors-cop23/ Edited by Michael Morrow


Suing Companies Responsible for the Damages of Climate Change

Climate scientist, James Hansen, believes that by suing polluters, the world will be able to fight climate change. An immense amount of money is required to reduce carbon dioxide emission and take away existing carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, and according to Hansen, all this money should come from the companies releasing many pollutants into the air. Currently, there are already climate lawsuits and governments being sued. James Hansen, himself, is involved in a lawsuit against the U.S. government, arguing that future generations' rights of life, liberty, and property have been violated by the failure of the government to restrict carbon dioxide emissions. There are many extreme weathers yet to come, so we need to make a move to start eliminating CO2 discharge.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/11/james-hansen-fight-climate-change-sue-pollutors-cop23/





A Void Inside the Great Pyramid

Due to the use of cosmic rays, a large void has been recently discovered in the Great Pyramid of Giza in Egypt.

The Egyptology community is skeptical about it because they believe that the void could just be another hole in the pyramid from construction.

      • I changed the verb "are" to "is." I learned about this last year where even if you are talking about a group of people like "Egyptology community" it counts as singular. However, if you say that multiple communities are skeptical, then it is plural. I removed "though" because it really wasn't needed in the sentence.; The Egyptology community are skeptical about it, though, because they believe that the void could just be another hole in the pyramid from construction.

Researchers found the mysterious void by using muon particles, which are formed by the reaction between cosmic rays and Earth's upper atmosphere.

      • I changed "formed with" to "formed by." I don't know a clear way to explain it but you show how the particles are formed and usually, the correct word used is "formed by."; Researchers found the mysterious void by using muon particles, which are formed with the reaction between cosmic rays and Earth's upper atmosphere.

All of the methods that the researchers utilized gave the same conclusion: the empty space was in an area that was not expected at all.

There are two major opposing views on the appearance of the void.

Some, like the Egyptologist Hanna, say the pyramids can be studied more in-depth through non-destructive methods.

Others are more dismissive and disagree by saying that the void has nothing to do with secret rooms or chambers, and it's probably just an irregularity.

Either way, in order to be completely sure about the significance of the void, there needs to be further research and investigations.

https://www.livescience.com/60842-cosmic-rays-reveal-void-great-pyramid.html Edited by Michael Morrow



A Void Inside the Great Pyramid

Due to the use of cosmic rays, a large void has been recently discovered in the Great Pyramid of Giza in Egypt. The Egyptology community is skeptical about it because they believe that the void could just be another hole in the pyramid from construction. Researchers found the mysterious void by using muon particles, which are formed by the reaction between cosmic rays and Earth's upper atmosphere. All of the methods that the researchers utilized gave the same conclusion: the empty space was in an area that was not expected at all. There are two major opposing views on the appearance of the void. Some, like the Egyptologist Hanna, say the pyramids can be studied more in-depth through non-destructive methods. Others are more dismissive and disagree by saying that the void has nothing to do with secret rooms or chambers, and it's probably just an irregularity. Either way, in order to be completely sure about the significance of the void, there needs to be further research and investigations.

https://www.livescience.com/60842-cosmic-rays-reveal-void-great-pyramid.html




The Secrets Behind JFK's Assassination

      • Try to avoid using questions as titles. I came up with this title, but I always recommend that if you create something you feel is better, then you can replace my revised title. I wanted to capture the tone of your article while trying not to have the result as a question as I came up with a couple of titles that were questions as well. Try to make your titles simple and straight to the point.; Should We Take the Government's Word on JFK's Assassination?

The recently released documents regarding the assassination of President John F. Kennedy have stirred up debate on whether this new evidence adds to our previous knowledge or it's just conspiracy theories.

      • In this sentence, I removed all of the commas and spelled out JFK's name, for clarity to those who are unaware of the figure. I omitted "or not" just for more concise word choice and "whether" does the job of "whether or not." Also, I suggest working on trying to different sentence starters as well. The original starter wasn't worded good enough for an easy read. I also removed those "they" pronouns and replaced them with "it" and "new evidence." I, also, suggest working on word choice.; The new release of documents on the assassination of our past president, JFK's, death have stirred up debate on whether or not they add to our previous knowledge or they're just conspiracy theories.

According to the Warren Commission, the killer, Lee Harvey Oswald, fired at JFK three times causing a lot of damage.

      • Remember to have to the whole name of people, for example, some people may think you are referencing Oswald the cartoon character because of the lacking specifics.; According to the Warren Commission, the killer, Oswald, had fired at JFK three times causing a lot of damage.

Critics, however, believe there must have been helpers to cause that much damage to JFK's body.

As a result, criticisms led up to more ideas on what actually could have happened.

In addition, many of the new documents that have been revealed portray Oswald as a much different character than he actually was.

Though we might not know why Oswald pulled the trigger on JFK on November 22, 1963, the government should declassify the documents and give Americans the right to decide themselves as to why this tragic event might have occurred.

http://www.history.com/news/why-the-public-stopped-believing-the-government-about-jfks-murder Edited by Michael Morrow


The Secrets Behind JFK's Assassination

The recently released documents regarding the assassination of President John F. Kennedy have stirred up debate on whether this new evidence adds to our previous knowledge or it's just conspiracy theories. According to the Warren Commission, the killer, Lee Harvey Oswald, fired at JFK three times causing a lot of damage. Critics, however, believe there must have been helpers to cause that much damage to JFK's body. As a result, criticisms led up to more ideas on what actually could have happened. In addition, many of the new documents that have been revealed portray Oswald as a much different character than he actually was. Though we might not know why Oswald pulled the trigger on JFK on November 22, 1963, the government should declassify the documents and give Americans the right to decide themselves as to why this tragic event might have occurred.

http://www.history.com/news/why-the-public-stopped-believing-the-government-about-jfks-murder





History of Trick-Or-Treating

When we think of Halloween, we mostly picture candy and costumes, however, its past is more intense then we think.

      • I combined the two sentences because the second seems much better as a second half of the first sentence.; When we think of Halloween, we mostly picture candy and costumes. However, its past is more intense then we think.

There used to be a medieval Christian tradition on the eve of all Saint's Day where the poor went to the homes of the wealthy and offered to pray for the people of that household who had recently departed.

The rich gave the poor food and beer in return, and there was also some dressing up to represent the replenishment of the Christian population.

However, after the Protestant Reformation, this idea of saving souls changed and lost popularity, though a few Catholics continued the practice.

      • I added a comma behind "Reformation." I replaced "still kept up" with "continued." It cut down on words and does the job of the other three words.; However, after the Protestant Reformation this idea of saving souls changed and lost popularity, though a few Catholics still kept up the practice.

Later on, towards the 19th century, newspapers reported the rising trend of the custom among college students.

      • I added "rising trend of the" towards the end of the sentence because the original didn't too much read well.; Later on towards the 19th century, newspapers reported the trending of this custom among college students.

Soon enough, North America called this "trick-or-treating," which has grown into the practice of people dressing up and kids going door-to-door for candy as seen today.

      • I put "trick-or-treating" in quotes because you're basically quoting what someone says when you say "called." Since you are on a specifc topic, "a practice" should have been "the practice."; Soon enough, North America called this trick-or-treating, which has grown into a practice of people dressing up and kids going door-to-door for candy as seen today.

http://time.com/4991828/halloween-trick-or-treating-history/ Edited by Michael Morrow


History of Trick-Or-Treating

When we think of Halloween, we mostly picture candy and costumes, however, its past is more intense then we think. However, after the Protestant Reformation, this idea of saving souls changed and lost popularity, though a few Catholics continued the practice. Later on, towards the 19th century, newspapers reported the rising trend of the custom among college students. Soon enough, North America called this "trick-or-treating," which has grown into the practice of people dressing up and kids going door-to-door for candy as seen today.

http://time.com/4991828/halloween-trick-or-treating-history/




A 6,000-Year-Old Tsunami Surviving Skull

      • This is a good title, it is just missing hyphens.; A 6,000 Year Old Tsunami Surviving Skull

Where there are new ecosystems, there are new dangers.

One of these dangers, a tsunami, powerfully struck the coast of Papua New Guinea 6,000 years ago.

Carried onto the coast by the waters were tiny creatures, pebbles, sand, and most significantly, at least one human skull.

The skull had laid there for millenniums.

      • I corrected the verb tense of "lay" and I did change "millenniums" to "millenia" the original sounds better.; The skull had lay there for millenniums.

Surprisingly, it is only one out of two human remains discovered on the island dating that far back.

However, without more pieces of the body, it's not very possible to definitely say the tsunami was the event causing this person's death.

Still, the skull and its cracks show evidence of someone living in Papa New Guinea who was impacted by the natural disaster.

      • So, here I took the "s" from "show" and gave it to "crack." Mainly after seeing the picture from the article, it definitely has more than just a "crack." ;Still, the skull and its crack shows evidence of someone living in Papa New Guinea who was impacted by the natural disaster.

Further research could conceivably show the ways in which ancient humans in this area coped with the unexpected side of coastal living.

https://www.popsci.com/6000-year-old-skull-tsunami#page-2 Edited by Michael Morrow


A 6,000-Year-Old Tsunami Surviving Skull

Where there are new ecosystems, there are new dangers. One of these dangers, a tsunami, powerfully struck the coast of Papua New Guinea 6,000 years ago. Carried onto the coast by the waters were tiny creatures, pebbles, sand, and most significantly, at least one human skull. The skull had laid there for millenniums. Surprisingly, it is only one out of two human remains discovered on the island dating that far back. However, without more pieces of the body, it's not very possible to definitely say the tsunami was the event causing this person's death. Still, the skull and its cracks show evidence of someone living in Papa New Guinea who was impacted by the natural disaster. Further research could conceivably show the ways in which ancient humans in this area coped with the unexpected side of coastal living.

https://www.popsci.com/6000-year-old-skull-tsunami#page-2





A Painting Looted by the Nazis Discovered

      • The title was just missing that one word to tie it together. The original didn't give enough context to what the article was talking about. This shows that one word can change a whole sentence.; A Painting Looted by the Nazis

German authorities announced recently that a painting that had been despoiled by the Nazis from a Jewish French Resistance leader was identified.

The original owner of the painting, by Thomas Couture, was Georges Mandel, an early opponent of the German Nazis.

      • Remember that appositives, which are those extra pieces of information, should be cased in commas and not parenthesis. And this second sentence really isn't strong enough to stand on its own, so I combined the two.; The original owner of the painting (by Thomas Couture) was Georges Mandel. He was an early opponent of the German Nazis.

After World War II, reports of other looted art were filed.

Mandel's long-lost Couture painting, named "Portrait of a Seated Young Woman," was described and mentioned as having a small, repaired hole in a certain location.

      • I thought it would be important to add the name of the artwork here. However, it could've been added earlier.; Mandel's long-lost Couture painting was described and mentioned as having a small, repaired hole in a certain location.

This matched the hole in the painting that was identified.

The Thomas Couture painting is one of many works of art to be banned by the Nazis, and some also stolen from the victims of Nazi persecution.

Hundreds more in the collection of misplaced artworks are still waiting to be identified as a Nazi-looted painting.

https://www.livescience.com/60779-nazi-looted-painting-discovered.html Edited by Michael Morrow


A Painting Looted by the Nazis Discovered

German authorities announced recently that a painting that had been despoiled by the Nazis from a Jewish French Resistance leader was identified. The original owner of the painting, by Thomas Couture, was Georges Mandel, an early opponent of the German Nazis. Mandel's long-lost Couture painting, named "Portrait of a Seated Young Woman," was described and mentioned as having a small, repaired hole in a certain location. This matched the hole in the painting that was identified. The Thomas Couture painting is one of many works of art to be banned by the Nazis, and some also stolen from the victims of Nazi persecution. Hundreds more in the collection of misplaced artworks are still waiting to be identified as a Nazi-looted painting.

https://www.livescience.com/60779-nazi-looted-painting-discovered.html




Fighting Illegal Animal Trafficking

Around the globe, illegal wildlife trading is a constant threat.

      • Even though this sentence is short is it still wordy. I moved some words around to give it better smoother read as well.; All around Earth, illegal trading of wildlife is a constant threat.

A team of biologists decided to understand and address this concept by investigating the slow loris trafficking.

These animals are one of many to be illegally poached and hunted for several reasons such as medicine, food, and to be made domesticated pets.

      • There is no need for a comma between "reasons" and "such." Also, you could say, "for several reasons including medicine." I thought "even" could be replaced with something stronger, so I tried using "to be made domesticated."; These animals are one of many to be illegally poached and hunted for several reasons, such as medicine, food, and even pets.

Unfortunately, this study needed more information on the effects of human behavior and society on the complex idea of trading wildlife.

Future studies, though, could bring research to provide plans of action to decrease the impact of wildlife trading and pass laws that could possibly save and conserve many of their lives.

https://www.amnh.org/explore/news-blogs/research-posts/a-new-approach-to-combating-illegal-wildlife-trafficking Edited by Michael Morrow


Fighting Illegal Animal Trafficking

Around the globe, illegal wildlife trading is a constant threat. A team of biologists decided to understand and address this concept by investigating the slow loris trafficking. These animals are one of many to be illegally poached and hunted for several reasons such as medicine, food, and to be made domesticated pets. Unfortunately, this study needed more information on the effects of human behavior and society on the complex idea of trading wildlife. Future studies, though, could bring research to provide plans of action to decrease the impact of wildlife trading and pass laws that could possibly save and conserve many of their lives.

https://www.amnh.org/explore/news-blogs/research-posts/a-new-approach-to-combating-illegal-wildlife-trafficking




Taking Control of a Brighter Future

Communities in Brazil are now able to create their own maintainable and inexpensive power supply with the power of solar energy.

For example, in a neighborhood in the city of Rio de Janeiro, the people are determined to build a better life than they previously had.

      • I put a comma after "for example." Always remember to put a comma after introductory words and phrases.; For example in a neighborhood in the city of Rio de Janeiro, the people are determined to build a better life than they previously had.

They had electricity that was not affordable or reliable.

The neighborhood decided to campaign new ideas that would help create leisure time and make everyday tasks much easier.

      • I changed "they" to "the neighborhood" so you be repetitive when using "they" at the beginning of your sentence.; They decided to campaign new ideas that would help create leisure time and make everyday tasks much easier.

Eventually, there was an answer from the Brazilian energy start-up company Insolar, who offered the residents of the neighborhood solar panels and a local solar grid.

      • The original sentence looked like there was something missing so I went into the article for more information and found that Insolar is an energy start-up company. So I decided to add that becuase it tells the reader what and who Insolar exactly is.; Eventually, there was an answer from the Brazilian Insolar, who offered the residents of the neighborhood solar panels and a local solar grid.

This has brought the residents many social and economic benefits along the way.

      • You had a word choice error in this sentence. I corrected it from "economical" to "economic."; This has brought the residents many social and economical benefits along the way.

Not only is this community taking control of their energy future, but it is also collaborating to provide a positive future for generations to come.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/10/sponsor-content-bringing-communities-together-to-build-a-brighter-future/ Edited by Michael Morrow


Taking Control of a Brighter Future

Communities in Brazil are now able to create their own maintainable and inexpensive power supply with the power of solar energy. For example, in a neighborhood in the city of Rio de Janeiro, the people are determined to build a better life than they previously had. They had electricity that was not affordable or reliable. The neighborhood decided to campaign new ideas that would help create leisure time and make everyday tasks much easier. Eventually, there was an answer from the Brazilian energy start-up company Insolar, who offered the residents of the neighborhood solar panels and a local solar grid. This has brought the residents many social and economic benefits along the way. Not only is this community taking control of their energy future, but it is also collaborating to provide a positive future for generations to come.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/10/sponsor-content-bringing-communities-together-to-build-a-brighter-future/




Betsy Ross and the American Flag

      • The title can be simplified down into the revised I made. The original was fine as it was but sometimes in writing, simple would win.; Betsy Ross's Relationship with the American Flag

Betsy Ross is well known for making the first American flag.

She was first called upon by three members of a secret committee from the Continental Congress, including George Washington, who would later become the first president of the country.

      • I suggest calling Washington either "General" or "the first President of the United States." Believe it or not, some people are actually forgetting him and will mistake this George for Bush. I see it a lot.; She was first called upon by three members of a secret committee from the Continental Congress, including George Washington.

Ross and Washington were good acquaintances, which is partially the reason why she was chosen to make the flag.

As a widow, Ross struggled in her upholstery business when General Washington provided her a rough design of the flag.

      • I changed "While she was a widow" to "As a widow" because it says more in few words and shows life in the 1770s. Also, I removed the comma between "business" and "when."; While she was a widow, Ross struggled in her upholstery business, when General Washington provided her a rough design of the flag.

Months before the Declaration of Independence was publicly announced for the first time, Ross finished the flag.

      • The main rule is to avoid being wordy. For example, instead of "A few months before" you can say "Months before." They both have the same meaning. I corrected "announces" to "announced" and I removed the helping verb "had" from behind "Ross."; A few months before the Declaration of Independence was publicly announces for the first time, Ross had finished the flag.

The Continental Congress decided that the American flag would promote national pride and unity, with thirteen alternate red and white stripes and the union would be shown in a blue field with thirteen stars.

http://www.ushistory.org/betsy/flagtale.html Edited by Michael Morrow


Betsy Ross and the American Flag

Betsy Ross is well known for making the first American flag. She was first called upon by three members of a secret committee from the Continental Congress, including George Washington, who would later become the first president of the country. Ross and Washington were good acquaintances, which is partially the reason why she was chosen to make the flag. As a widow, Ross struggled in her upholstery business when General Washington provided her a rough design of the flag. Months before the Declaration of Independence was publicly announced for the first time, Ross finished the flag. The Continental Congress decided that the American flag would promote national pride and unity, with thirteen alternate red and white stripes and the union would be shown in a blue field with thirteen stars.

http://www.ushistory.org/betsy/flagtale.html



Significance of the Liberty Bell

The Liberty Bell became well known when American abolitionists used it as a symbol to try to end slavery.

They utilized the bell as a metaphor for a country that was divided and lacked freedom for African Americans.

      • In this sentence, I changed the word choice used. Instead of “named it,” I changed it to “utilized the bell.” This adds more specificity to what you are talking about. I felt no need to have both “torn apart/ divided” so I chose one that best fitted the situation. Last, I replaced “didn’t have” with “lacked.” ; They named it as a metaphor for a country that was torn apart/ divided and didn't have freedom for African Americans.

After the Civil War, the bell figuratively traveled across the country proclaiming liberty and spreading the idea of freedom.

It was occasionally rung to call people of the Assembly together for special announcements and many historical events.

      • So, the main part that was revised was the ending. I removed the first “and” because you should only have one when listing things. I wanted to keep “events” and “occasions” but the works sound so much a like that only one could be used. So, I went with “events.”; It was occasionally rung to call people of the Assembly together for special announcements and events, and also many historical occasions.

When the nation's capital used to be Philadelphia, the bell was used for many causes in the government.

Today, the Liberty Bell still has great importance to our country, and we celebrate it every Fourth of July.

http://www.ushistory.org/libertybell/index.html Edited by Michael Morrow


Significance of the Liberty Bell

The Liberty Bell became well known when American abolitionists used it as a symbol to try to end slavery. They utilized the bell as a metaphor for a country that was divided and lacked freedom for African Americans. After the Civil War, the bell figuratively traveled across the country proclaiming liberty and spreading the idea of freedom. It was occasionally rung to call people of the Assembly together for special announcements and many historical events. When the nation's capital used to be Philadelphia, the bell was used for many causes in the government. Today, the Liberty Bell still has great importance to our country, and we celebrate it every Fourth of July.

http://www.ushistory.org/libertybell/index.html





Why the Islamic World May Have Had an Impact on the Vikings

New historical evidence has suggested that interactions between the Vikings, Scandinavian warriors who roamed the sea, and Islam were greater than thought previously.

      • I replaced the parentheticals with commas. Normally, in this kind of writing, parenthesis are not used too often. Also, I lowercased “warriors” because there was no need to have it capitalized.; New historical evidence has suggested that interactions between the Vikings (Scandinavian Warriors who roamed the sea) and Islam were greater than thought previously.

While studying burial garments, Annika Larsson, a textile archaeologist, discovered that the garments were created with a form of Arabic script.

      • I decided to change the beginning phrase so it would read better. I thought it would be better that Larsson’s name go before her occupation so the readers can immediately identify who she is and be able to refer back to her later on.; During a study of burial garments, a textile archaeologist (Annika Larsson) discovered that the garments were created with a form of Arabic script.

It had characters signifying the “Allah,” the Arabic word for God.

      • The main issue with this sentence is that you don’t say which god or whose god is being signified. Through the article I was able pull out the fact that the god was Allah. That’s something very important and should be stated.; It had characters signifying God.

Past DNA tests have shown that people buried in Viking graves were originally from a dominant Islamic territory.

      • I simply changed “testings” to “test.”; Past DNA testings have shown that people buried in Viking graves were originally from a dominant Islamic territory.

Larsson also noted that the characters for the Arabic God were a consistent pattern on all the burial garments, indicating that the Vikings had specific connections with the Shiites, part of a branch of Islam.

She made a point on how this research could possibly help clear up the fact that Vikings opposed Islam and instead personally embraced parts of the religion.


http://www.history.com/news/why-are-these-viking-burial-clothes-inscribed-with-arabic-script Edited by Michael Morrow


Why the Islamic World May Have Had an Impact on the Vikings

New historical evidence has suggested that interactions between the Vikings, Scandinavian warriors who roamed the sea, and Islam were greater than thought previously. While studying burial garments, Annika Larsson, a textile archaeologist, discovered that the garments were created with a form of Arabic script. It had characters signifying the “Allah,” the Arabic word for God. Past DNA tests have shown that people buried in Viking graves were originally from a dominant Islamic territory. Larsson also noted that the characters for the Arabic God were a consistent pattern on all the burial garments, indicating that the Vikings had specific connections with the Shiites, part of a branch of Islam. She made a point on how this research could possibly help clear up the fact that Vikings opposed Islam and instead personally embraced parts of the religion.

http://www.history.com/news/why-are-these-viking-burial-clothes-inscribed-with-arabic-script





Avoid Cancer by Putting Sunscreen on Your Eyelids

      • Use active voice; always capitalize important words in a title; Avoiding cancer by putting sunscreen on your eyelids

A majority of sunscreen bottles contain warnings that tell people to avoid putting sunscreen on areas near their eyes.

      • Since “bottles” is plural, use “contain” instead of “contains”, for sentence flow and to maintain an active voice, changed “telling” to “that tell” A majority of sunscreen bottles contains warnings telling people to avoid putting sunscreen on areas near their eyes.

However, dermatologists have conducted research that shows that following these instructions puts people at a higher risk of cancer.

      • They’ve conducted more than one study, I assume, so take out the “a”, use active voice; However, dermatologists have conducted a research showing that following these instructions put people at a higher risk of cancer.

The regions covered in the warnings are the site of a significant amount of skin cancers; 10% of these cancers begin in the eyelids.

      • Specify what the regions are, use a semicolon to connect these two complete thoughts; These regions are the site of a significant amount of skin cancers, 10% of which begin in the eyelids.

In spite of the study, most people still stray away from applying sunscreen around their eyes; an alternative for them would be to wear sunglasses.

      • Specify that you’re talking about the research study, use active voice instead of “are straying”, use a semi colon to connect two complete thoughts; Although given this warning, most people still are straying away from applying sunscreen around their eyes, so an alternative to this would be to wear sunglasses.

Experts believe that the sunscreen products are causing too much concern; sunbathers should cover themselves head-to-toe with at least a factor 30 sun cream or sunscreen.

      • Active voice, use a semi colon to connect two complete thoughts, never use a slash when you could use the word “or”; Experts believe that the sunscreen products are causing too much worrying, and sunbathers should cover themselves head-to-toe with at least a factor 30 sun cream/ sunscreen.

Avoiding Cancer by Putting Sunscreen on Your Eyelids

A majority of sunscreen bottles contain warnings that tell people to avoid putting sunscreen on areas near their eyes. However, dermatologists have conducted research that shows that following these instructions puts people at a higher risk of cancer. The regions covered in the warnings are the site of a significant amount of skin cancers; 10% of these cancers begin in the eyelids. In spite of the study, most people still stray away from applying sunscreen around their eyes; an alternative for them would be to wear sunglasses. Experts believe that the sunscreen products are causing too much concern; sunbathers should cover themselves head-to-toe with at least a factor 30 sun cream or sunscreen.


Edited by Kaitlyn Crow where is your source?

Avoiding cancer by putting sunscreen on your eyelids

A majority of sunscreen bottles contains warnings telling people to avoid putting sunscreen on areas near their eyes. However, dermatologists have conducted a research showing that following these instructions put people at a higher risk of cancer. These regions are the site of a significant amount of skin cancers, 10% of which begin in the eyelids. Although given this warning, most people still are straying away from applying sunscreen around their eyes, so an alternative to this would be to wear sunglasses. Experts believe that the sunscreen products are causing too much worrying, and sunbathers should cover themselves head-to-toe with at least a factor 30 sun cream/ sunscreen.






The Return of Patrick Nyarko Brings Back D.C. United Offense

Patrick Nyarko is ranked one of the most powerful attackers in Major League Soccer (MLS) in the past decade.

Though he hasn’t been given a spot on the end-of-year all-league team, Nyarko claims he is working for his team, not himself.

      • Is this what you mean? I’m not sure of the meaning of this sentence – what is the end-of-year all-league team?; Though he hasn't been considered a spot on the end-of-year all-league team, Nyarko claims he is working for his team, not himself.

Due to a concussion last season, Nyarko remained in the sidelines for six matches.

As a result, United averaged at most one goal per game.

Last week, when United had a 2-1 win over Atlanta, Nyarko was the one who scored the game-winning point.

      • Need a comma; Last week when United had a 2-1 win over Atlanta, Nyarko was the one who scored the game-winning point.

His attitude and determination makes him a great player for MLS and his teammates.

The Return of Patrick Nyarko Brings Back D.C. United Offense

Patrick Nyarko is ranked one of the most powerful attackers in Major League Soccer (MLS) in the past decade. Though he hasn’t been given a spot on the end-of-year all-league team, Nyarko claims he is working for his team, not himself. Due to a concussion last season, Nyarko remained in the sidelines for six matches. As a result, United averaged at most one goal per game. Last week, when United had a 2-1 win over Atlanta, Nyarko was the one who scored the game-winning point. His attitude and determination makes him a great player for MLS and his teammates.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2017/jun/29/patrick-nyarkos-return-from-injury-sparks-dc-unite/

Edited by Kaitlyn Crow

The Return of Patrick Nyarko Brings Back D.C. United Offense

Patrick Nyarko is ranked one of the most powerful attackers in Major League Soccer (MLS) in the past decade. Though he hasn't been considered a spot on the end-of-year all-league team, Nyarko claims he is working for his team, not himself. Due to a concussion last season, Nyarko remained in the sidelines for six matches. As a result, United averaged at most one goal per game. Last week when United had a 2-1 win over Atlanta, Nyarko was the one who scored the game-winning point. His attitude and determination makes him a great player for MLS and his teammates.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2017/jun/29/patrick-nyarkos-return-from-injury-sparks-dc-unite/




Increasing International Airport Security

Rather than banning devices such as laptops and tablets, the U.S. decided to boost the amount of security in international flights.

This means incoming travelers will be subject to a screening process, which will more than likely lead to delays

      • Awkward phasing; This means incoming travelers will be subject through a process of screening, which will more than likely lead to delays.

The reasons for the placements of these new measures are past terrorist attacks and the safety of the public.

The U.S. has already banned electronics in a ban that affected flights from eight different major Muslim countries, but adjudicated on not banning them on other international flights.

      • Verb tense, awkward phrasing, define what “this” is; The U.S. had already banned electronics that affected flights from eight different major Muslim countries, but adjudicated on not going through with this.

Raising aviation security will hopefully create a more secure environment.

Increasing International Airport Security

Rather than banning devices such as laptops and tablets, the U.S. decided to boost the amount of security in international flights. This means incoming travelers will be subject to a screening process, which will more than likely lead to delays. The reasons for the placements of these new measures are past terrorist attacks and the safety of the public. The U.S. has already banned electronics in a ban that affected flights from eight different major Muslim countries, but adjudicated on not banning them on other international flights. Raising aviation security will hopefully create a more secure environment.


http://time.com/money/4838041/laptop-ban-airport-screenings-us-flights/?xid=homepage

Edited by Kaitlyn Crow


Increasing International Airport Security

Rather than banning devices such as laptops and tablets, the U.S. decided to boost the amount of security in international flights.

This means incoming travelers will be subject through a process of screening, which will more than likely lead to delays.


The reasons for the placements of these new measures are past terrorist attacks and the safety of the public.


The U.S. had already banned electronics that affected flights from eight different major Muslim countries, but adjudicated on not going through with this.


Raising aviation security will hopefully create a more secure environment.

http://time.com/money/4838041/laptop-ban-airport-screenings-us-flights/?xid=homepage






SNYDER: Another helping of Cavs-Warriors? Yes, please

In this season of the NBA playoffs, fans have been complaining about the lack of entertainment: too many blowouts, boring series, and no new winners.

        • Don't use "etc..." in writing people want to read the facts. If you have no more facts, just end the sentence. ;In this season of the NBA playoffs, fans have been complaining about the lack of entertainment: too many blowouts, boring series, no new winners, etc.


Then there was a third consecutive NBA Finals match up between the Cavaliers and the Warriors, which everyone had already predicted, seeing as they have six of the top 20 players.


However, people are not looking forward to watching Cavs-Warrior play-offs for the third consecutive time.


Fans argue that competition was way better in the time of Michael Jordan, his team winning 6 straight NBA titles.

      • Don't use pronouns, we readers are unsure of who you mean.

Since we can't do anything to change the fate of these two teams, those watching the game will have to wait and be optimistic on the level of entertainment basketball players and teams will give fans in the future.

      • A little unclear by saying "left to come", be a little more straight forward about future events; Since we can't do anything to change the fate of these two teams, those watching the game will have to wait and be optimistic on the level of entertainment left to come.

Source: http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2017/may/22/lebron-james-vs-kevin-durant-yes-please/






Possible Man-Made Bubble Around The Earth

      • Your Title was a copy of the original, plagiarism. The original title and the subtitle could be combined to create a new sentence that tells more about the subject for the topic sentence; We may have accidentally formed a protective bubble around Earth***

Earth Radio waves might have accidentally formed a protective bubble around our planet which could be protecting us from space weather.

      • Better to use the subject of VLF in the beginning, "The Navy" by using the Navy, it is clear where the VLF originates from and then is less confusing to read; Very low frequency radio waves can be used to send messages from the Navy to an underwater submarine, and some reach all the way to space. ***

The Navy uses Very Low Frequency radio waves, VLF for short, to send messages to submarines and sometimes these radio waves reach space

      • Defining what Van Allen Probes, and other unknown terms, are key to understanding the content of the articles.

A new finding from the Van Allen Probes, two robotic spacecraft being used to study the Van Allen radiation belts that surround Earth, show that these long wavelengths may be forming a bubble protecting our planet's atmosphere.

      • Is this sentence necessary? It confuses me because it is not talking about the man-made bubble, or the probes, too much info in a short amount of writing gets confusing to readers. Perhaps just using a definition of the belts from another article would be better; Van Allen radiation belts surround the earth, with charged particles from the sun that could get stuck in the earth's magnetic field.***


A radiation belt is a zone of energetic charged particles, most of which originate from the solar wind that is captured by and held around a planet by that planet's magnetic field.

      • So? You need to continue your writing and bring it back to the main topic; During a major geomagnetic storm in 2015, these belts surprisingly didn't come any closer to the earth than the plasmasphere, and the radio signals stopped at the same area where the electron particles stopped passing through,***

During a major geomagnetic storm in 2015, these belts surprisingly didn't come any closer to the earth than the plasmasphere, and the radio signals stopped at the same area where the electron particles stopped passing through, thus hinting that something else might be affecting which may just be this man-made bubble.

The U.S. Air Force is planning on testing the strength of VLF waves from space pollution and storms, and learn more about Earth's new "bubble".

http://www.popsci.com/radio-wave-shield-space-weather#page-2 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Van_Allen_Probes

Very low frequency radio waves can be used to send messages from the Navy to an underwater submarine, and some reach all the way to space. A new finding from the Van Allen Probes shows that these long wavelengths may be forming a bubble protecting our planet's atmosphere. Van Allen radiation belts surround the earth, with charged particles from the sun that could get stuck in the earth's magnetic field. During a major geomagnetic storm in 2015, these belts surprisingly didn't come any closer to the earth than the plasmasphere, and the radio signals stopped at the same area where the electron particles stopped passing through. The U.S. Air Force is planning on testing the strength of VLF waves from space pollution and storms, and learn more about Earth's "bubble".

http://www.popsci.com/radio-wave-shield-space-weather#page-2