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Problems with Owning a Flat-Faced Dog

      • The title could have been more detailed and give information about what the article is. The revised article does this job.;Flat-Faced Dog

Flat-faced dogs, like pugs and bulldogs, have been appealing to many around the world.

      • I thought it was important to name at least two dogs that fall into this category. This gives the reader a better idea and picture of what kind of dog you are talking about.; Flat-faced dogs have been appealing to many around the world.

These dogs are the outcome of multiple breeding selections.

      • Since you are using "result" more than once, I decided to replace this one with "outcome" to avoid repetitiveness. I removed "and so the dogs are able to keep their youthful appearance" because I did not see how it helped the writing and I do not see how this conclusion was made by reading the article.; These dogs are the results of multiple breeding selections, and so the dogs are able to keep their youthful appearance.

Because of these experiments, the dogs face many problems.

      • I removed "as a result" and replaced it with more concise language.; As a result of these experiments, the dogs face many problems.

For example, the dogs may have an obstruction in the respiratory tract that will require surgery.

The dogs have a lower physical capability than other dogs due to overheating and breathing complications.

      • Here, I added why the dogs have a lower capability.; These dogs even have a lower physical capability than other dogs.

Scientists even say that these dogs die sooner than other dogs of their size.

Animal welfare groups have raised many concerns about this. For example, the British Veterinary Association had issued out a statement telling people to not buy flat-faced dogs.

      • I decided to split this sentence instead of having one long sentence.; Animal welfare groups have raised many concerns about this and the British Veterinary Association had issued out a statement telling people to not buy flat-faced dogs.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/is-it-wrong-to-own-a-flat-faced-dog Edited by Michael Morrow

Be sure to have detailed titles so readers will have a better idea on what the article is on.


Problems with Owning a Flat-Faced Dog

Flat-faced dogs, like pugs and bulldogs, have been appealing to many around the world. These dogs are the outcome of multiple breeding selections. Because of these experiments, the dogs face many problems. For example, the dogs may have an obstruction in the respiratory tract that will require surgery. The dogs have a lower physical capability than other dogs due to overheating and breathing complications. Scientists even say that these dogs die sooner than other dogs of their size. Animal welfare groups have raised many concerns about this. For example, the British Veterinary Association had issued out a statement telling people to not buy flat-faced dogs.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/is-it-wrong-to-own-a-flat-faced-dog



The Origin of Geek & Nerd

      • Here I reworded the title. The revision is more straightforward and without the colon.;Origins of the Words: Geek & Nerd

In modern day, the terms geek and nerd have a negative connotation, similar to its original meaning.

The term nerd originally was used by Benjamin Nugent to describe a drip or a square.

      • I italicized "nerd." The rules of using italics are confusing due to conflicting times on when to use it. You can use it here when you want to put emphasis on a word.; The term nerd originally was used by Benjamin Nugent to describe a drip or a square.

The term geek was used in the 1900s to describe an unskilled carnival worker, essentially meaning an unskilled person.

      • Remember to put the "s" behind 1900 if you are talking about a period of time, like the 1990 s. Also, I italicized "geek."; The term geek was a term used in the 1900 to describe an unskilled carnival worker, essentially meaning an unskilled person.

Currently, the terms, though retaining their negativity, are used to describe something other than its original meaning.

      • Instead of "In current times," I just used "currently." It seemed that a word was missing behind "something." I was pretty sure the word needed to be "other."; In current times, the terms, though retaining their negativity, are used to describe something than its original meaning.

Geek is now used for people who are very interested in a hot commodity and behave in a fan-like manner, collecting merchandise and the sort.

      • I wanted another word besides the basic "something." I decided to use "hot commodity," it is a well-known term that people would understand.; Geek is now used for people who are very interested in something, and behave in a fan-like manner, collecting merchandise and the sort.

Nerd, on the other hand, is now used for people with advanced technical knowledge.

This change in meaning is desirable as it is not as harsh as its original meaning.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/where-do-the-terms-nerd-and-geek-come-from Edited by Michael Morrow

I suggest trying to find other words besides "something." There are more descriptive words that can push your writing further.


The Origin of Geek & Nerd

The term nerd originally was used by Benjamin Nugent to describe a drip or a square. The term geek was used in the 1900s to describe an unskilled carnival worker, essentially meaning an unskilled person. Currently, the terms, though retaining their negativity, are used to describe something other than its original meaning. Geek is now used for people who are very interested in a hot commodity and behave in a fan-like manner, collecting merchandise and the sort. Nerd, on the other hand, is now used for people with advanced technical knowledge. This change in meaning is desirable as it is not as harsh as its original meaning.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/where-do-the-terms-nerd-and-geek-come-from




Origins of the Peace Sign

The peace sign is sometimes recognized as a negative symbol, representing the anti-Christian symbol, the Nazi emblem, and a satanic character.

      • This sentence was fine, but I thought it could use some polishing by changing up word choice.; The peace sign is sometimes recognized as many negative symbols, such as an anti-Christian symbol, the Nazi emblem, and a satanic character.

Despite its similar appearance to these negative connotated symbols, the symbol had uncontroversial origins.

      • Try to avoid using the overly used words of "good" and "bad." There are many other words you can use to describe something better than that. I used "negative connotated" because the symbols are known for their negative connotations.; Despite its similar appearance to these bad symbols, the symbol had uncontroversial origins.

The peace sign was designed by Gerald Holtom for the British Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament in 1958.

At the center of the circle is a vertical line, separating the circle into two D's.

The two lines on the bottom represent the semaphore signal for the letter N.

      • I changed the verb form here, from "represents" to "represent."; The two lines on the bottom represents the semaphore signal for the letter N.

The letters N and D stand for nuclear disarmament.

So originally, the peace sign designates peace and nuclear disarmament, then picked up some distasteful associates afterward.

      • Here, I thought the original sentence wasn't strong enough and didn't properly close the paragraph. So, I revised the sentence and made it conclude the article.; The peace sign also represents despair, contradicting its own name.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/where-did-the-peace-sign-come-from Edited by Michael Morrow

Try to avoid using the overly used words of "good" and "bad." There are many other words you can use to describe something better than that.


Origins of the Peace Sign

The peace sign is sometimes recognized as a negative symbol, representing the anti-Christian symbol, the Nazi emblem, and a satanic character. Despite its similar appearance to these negative connotated symbols, the symbol had uncontroversial origins. The peace sign was designed by Gerald Holtom for the British Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament in 1958. At the center of the circle is a vertical line, separating the circle into two D's. The two lines on the bottom represent the semaphore signal for the letter N. So originally, the peace sign designates peace and nuclear disarmament, then picked up some distasteful associates afterward.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/where-did-the-peace-sign-come-from



Lightning Can Strike Twice

"Lightning never strikes the same place twice" is a common phrase meaning once something bad happens, it will not happen again.

      • In this sentence, I removed "The phrase." It's not really needed, plus we don't need "phrase" to be repeated. ; The phrase "Lightning never strikes the same place twice" is a common phrase meaning once something bad happens, it will not happen again.

However, lightning does hit the same place more than once.

      • I thought it would be better and more concise to not include "in reality."; However, in reality, lightning does hit the same place more than once.

A lightning strike is a thundercloud's discharge of electricity which can break through the ionized air.

This lightning bolt travels downward and hits the ground, taking about 30 milliseconds, reverberating in quick succession.

This essentially means that the lightning bolt has hit the ground multiple times in a short time span.

In addition, if there is a strong attraction between the place it last hit, the lightning has a higher chance to hit again.

      • I just removed some words to make the sentence more concise.; In addition, if there is a strong attraction between the place it last hit, then the lightning has a higher chance to hit it again.

Though the reality of the phrase is contradictory to its meaning, the phrase is still commonly used.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/can-lightning-strike-the-same-place-twice Edited by Michael Morrow


Lightning Can Strike Twice

"Lightning never strikes the same place twice" is a common phrase meaning once something bad happens, it will not happen again. However, lightning does hit the same place more than once. A lightning strike is a thundercloud's discharge of electricity which can break through the ionized air. This lightning bolt travels downward and hits the ground, taking about 30 milliseconds, reverberating in quick succession. This essentially means that the lightning bolt has hit the ground multiple times in a short time span. In addition, if there is a strong attraction between the place it last hit, the lightning has a higher chance to hit again. Though the reality of the phrase is contradictory to its meaning, the phrase is still commonly used.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/can-lightning-strike-the-same-place-twice



Sudoku Puzzles to Last an Eternity

      • I had to change the title from being a question. but coming up with an interesting title for sudokus isn't that easy, so I went with simple. I matched the tone of the article and came up with the title above.;How Much Unique Sudoku Puzzles Are There?

There are over 6 sextillion different Sudoku puzzles (6,670,903,752,021,072,936,960 to be exact).

      • Whew, I do not think I could figure out that number. In journalism, the rule is to use numeric symbols for any number 10 or greater. However, I think this is a huge exception. Instead of using the actual number, I highly recommend simplifying it to just "6 sextillion." This is much easier for readers to digest. And then at the end, I used the actual number within parenthesis.; There are 6,670,903,752,021,072,936,960 different Sudoku puzzles.

A Sudoku puzzle grid is a Latin square, an n-by-n grid populated with n distinct symbols in a way that each symbol is used once in each row and column, where n is equal to 9.

      • Here, I lowercased the s in "square."; A Sudoku puzzle grid is a Latin Square, an n-by-n grid populated with n distinct symbols in a way that each symbol is used once in each row and column, where n is equal to 9.

Combinatorics is a field of mathematics involving selection, arrangement, and operation within a finite system, and as Sudoku is a finite system, combinatorics can be applied.

Using combinatorics, Sudoku puzzle creators can create new puzzles by rotating and transposing the grid and other simple tricks.

      • I removed the extra "the grid" and used "and" to connect "rotating" and "transposing."; Using combinatorics, Sudoku puzzle creators can create new puzzles by rotating the grid, transposing the grid, and other simple tricks.

However, by using this method, the puzzles are essentially the same with the difficulty changing slightly.

      • I removed the adverb "only" because it was not needed.; However, by using this method, the puzzles are essentially the same with the difficulty changing only slightly.

Without the use of simple tricks, though, there are 5 billion unique puzzles that greatly vary.

      • I say the same thing here, you can cut back on the numbers and be simple.; Without the use of simple tricks, though, there are 5,472,730,538 unique puzzles that greatly vary.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/will-we-ever-run-out-of-sudoku-puzzles Edited by Michael Morrow

This was a very interesting article. Remember not to use questions in titles. And watch for those long stream of numbers, be simple and say "5 billion."


Sudoku Puzzles to Last an Eternity

There are over 6 sextillion different Sudoku puzzles (6,670,903,752,021,072,936,960 to be exact). A Sudoku puzzle grid is a Latin square, an n-by-n grid populated with n distinct symbols in a way that each symbol is used once in each row and column, where n is equal to 9. Combinatorics is a field of mathematics involving selection, arrangement, and operation within a finite system, and as Sudoku is a finite system, combinatorics can be applied. Using combinatorics, Sudoku puzzle creators can create new puzzles by rotating and transposing the grid and other simple tricks. However, by using this method, the puzzles are essentially the same with the difficulty changing slightly. Without the use of simple tricks, though, there are 5 billion unique puzzles that greatly vary.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/will-we-ever-run-out-of-sudoku-puzzles



Why We Make Jack-o'-Lanterns on Halloweens

Halloween is a Celtic holiday, meaning it originated from Ireland's Samhain, a day in which the boundary between life and death is weakened for spirits to cross over.

The origins of the jack-o'-lantern began from a famous Irish myth.

      • Here, I just changed the verb from "come" to "began." I thought the new verb a better fit than the original.; The origins of the jack-o'-lantern comes from a famous Irish myth.

A man by the name of Stingy Jack tricked the Devil for profit.

      • In this revision, I removed "had" from the sentence. ; A man by the name of Stingy Jack had tricked the Devil for profit.

When he died, Jack was denied access to both Hell and Heaven, as a result, it forced him to wander Earth forever.

      • I changed the second "he" to "Jack." He was repeated and to close together. I changed the ending some. I used "as a result" because the sentence needed a transition then what followed it had to be reworded.; When he died, he was denied access to both Hell and Heaven, forced to wander out on earth forever.

To scare away the wandering Jack, people carved demonic faces on turnips.

However, when Irish immigrants moved to America, they decided to use pumpkins as they were native to the region.

      • I removed the past perfect verb tense and isolated "move."; However, when Irish immigrants had moved to America, they decided to use pumpkins as they were native to the region.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-we-carve-pumpkins-at-halloween Edited by Michael Morrow

Remember to capitalize "Earth" and other planet names. Be careful when using past perfect verb tense.


Why We Make Jack-o'-Lanterns on Halloweens

Halloween is a Celtic holiday, meaning it originated from Ireland's Samhain, a day in which the boundary between life and death is weakened for spirits to cross over. The origins of the jack-o'-lantern began from a famous Irish myth. A man by the name of Stingy Jack tricked the Devil for profit. When he died, Jack was denied access to both Hell and Heaven, as a result, it forced him to wander Earth forever. To scare away the wandering Jack, people carved demonic faces on turnips. However, when Irish immigrants moved to America, they decided to use pumpkins as they were native to the region. SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-we-carve-pumpkins-at-halloween



The Science Behind Onions and Crying

When cutting onions, many people tend to cry.

      • This sentence could be worded better. I removed "occasionally" and "apart" then changed "while" to "when."; Occasionally, while cutting apart onions, many people tend to cry.

While the onion plant grows, the onion absorbs many minerals from the soil, especially sulfur.

      • I changed the tense and word choice in this sentence. I changed the past tense to present tense because onions are still growing and you aren't talking about a specific onion. Also, I removed "the" from in front of "sulfur" because the word was not needed.; While the onion plant was still growing, the onion absorbed many minerals from the soil, especially the sulfur.

When an onion is cut open, cells become broken, then enzymes that were separated combine with the sulfur-rich amino acids, leading to the formation of a chemical known as syn-propanethial-S-oxide.

      • I reworded parts of this sentence to make it more understandable. The original was okay, but the revised sentence is simpler and use transitions.; When an onion is cut open, breaking cell after cell, the enzymes that were separated combine with the sulfur-rich amino acids, finally ending with the formation of a chemical known as syn-propanethial-S-oxide.

This liquid chemical easily evaporates due to its volatility, encounters the chef's eyes, causing a burning sensation.

      • The phrase "though liquid" really doesn't do a lot for the article, however, when putting "liquid" before "chemical" it really tells the reader what it is. Also, I replaced "comes into contact with" with "encounters."; This chemical, though liquid, easily evaporates due to its volatility, comes into contact with the chef's eyes, causing a burning sensation.

To ensure protection of the eyes, the body will attempt to rinse the chemical away with tears.

      • The body's ownership of the eyes seems off here. I reworded the beginning of the sentence. Also, I changed "through" to "with."; To protect its eyes, the body will attempt to rinse the chemical away through tears.

However, there are multiple tricks to lessen the effect of the chemicals, which include eating bread while chopping and freezing onions before chopping.

      • I recommend adding a one or two of the tricks. You shouldn't try to close on a cliffhanger like this.; However, there are a variety of tricks to lessen the effect of the chemical.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-onions-make-you-cry Edited by Michael Morrow

Try to avoid cliffhangers as closers and pay close attention to word choice. When you write a sentence, see if there is another way if it can be said and consider if readers will understand what you are saying.


The Science Behind Onions and Crying

When cutting onions, many people tend to cry. While the onion plant grows, the onion absorbs many minerals from the soil, especially sulfur. When an onion is cut open, cells become broken, then enzymes that were separated combine with the sulfur-rich amino acids, leading to the formation of a chemical known as syn-propanethial-S-oxide. This liquid chemical easily evaporates due to its volatility, encounters the chef's eyes, causing a burning sensation. To ensure protection of the eyes, the body will attempt to rinse the chemical away with tears. However, there are multiple tricks to lessen the effect of the chemicals, which include eating bread while chopping and freezing onions before chopping.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-onions-make-you-cry



The Truth About the Homo Sapiens Evolution

      • Edited for grammar; The Truth About the Evolution of Homo Sapiens

Humans, in scientific terms, are commonly referred to as the Homo sapiens.

      • Edited for grammar (no need for an article before Homo sapiens); Humans, in scientific terms, are commonly referred to as Homo sapiens.

The Homo sapiens are a species evolved from past species that have the same genus, Homo.

      • Edited for grammar; Homo sapiens are a species evolved from past species that have the same genus, Homo.

For years, it has been believed that Homo sapiens had evolved 200,000 years ago in East Africa.

      • Good!

This was supported by the dating of skulls found in Ethiopia’s Omo Valley that were dated to be 195,000 years ago.

      • Edited for grammar (missing a word); This was supported by the dating of skulls found in Ethiopia's Omo Valley that were dated to be from 195,000 years ago.

However, this had all changed in a recent excavation at Morocco.

      • Edited for grammar (use of tense); However, this has all changed because of a recent excavation in Morocco.

The skulls found in Morocco were dated to be around 315,000 years ago, later than the East African skulls.

      • Edited for grammar (missing a word); The skulls found in Morocco were dated to be from around 315,000 years ago, later than the East African skulls.

As such, it may be that the species were widely dispersed in Africa and East Africa was not the only "cradle of humankind".

      • Edited for grammar (Homo sapiens is singular and period goes inside quotation marks): As such, it may be that the species was widely dispersed in Africa, and East Africa was not the only "cradle of humankind."

Despite this evidence, many paleontologists are not convinced, coming up with the theory that the evolution occurred in East Africa then the evolved people had dispersed.

      • Edited for fluidity; Despite this evidence, many paleontologists are not convinced, coming up with the theory that the evolution occurred in East Africa then the evolved Homo sapiens later dispersed.

The Truth About the Homo Sapiens Evolution Humans, in scientific terms, are commonly referred to as the Homo sapiens. The Homo sapiens are a species evolved from past species that have the same genus, Homo. For years, it has been believed that Homo sapiens had evolved 200,000 years ago in East Africa. This was supported by the dating of skulls found in Ethiopia’s Omo Valley that were dated to be 195,000 years ago. However, this had all changed in a recent excavation at Morocco. The skulls found in Morocco were dated to be around 315,000 years ago, later than the East African skulls. As such, it may be that the species were widely dispersed in Africa and East Africa was not the only "cradle of humankind". Despite this evidence, many paleontologists are not convinced, coming up with the theory that the evolution occurred in East Africa then the evolved people had dispersed.

Fully Edited Paragraph: The Truth About the Evolution of Homo Sapiens Humans, in scientific terms, are commonly referred to as Homo sapiens. Homo sapiens are a species evolved from past species that have the same genus, Homo. For years, it has been believed that Homo sapiens had evolved 200,000 years ago in East Africa. This was supported by the dating of skulls found in Ethiopia's Omo Valley that were dated to be from 195,000 years ago. However, this has all changed because of a recent excavation in Morocco. The skulls found in Morocco were dated to be from around 315,000 years ago, later than the East African skulls. As such, it may be that the species was widely dispersed in Africa, and East Africa was not the only "cradle of humankind." Despite this evidence, many paleontologists are not convinced, coming up with the theory that the evolution occurred in East Africa then the evolved Homo sapiens later dispersed.

      • You need to work on tense, singular vs. plural, and make sure you haven't skipped any words when you read over what you've written.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/just-how-old-is-homo-sapiens




Poisoned by Apple Seeds

      • I changed the title from being a question. I tried to give it a pop and an interesting vibe where possible readers would be curious about the article.;Are Apple Seeds Poisonous?

For years, people have been warned that apple seeds are poisonous.

      • Here, I made the sentence a little specific. I added "for years" to set how long this warning has been out. I replaced "told" with "warned" because "told" is a basic verb and "warned" is more fitting.; Many have been told that the seed of an apple is poisonous.

Though true, the seed will only kill if it has been crushed and well over a thousand has been consumed.

      • I made this sentence more specific. I related back to the article saying "well over a thousand" instead of the vague "a number of.";Though true, the seed will only kill if it has been crushed and a number of them has been eaten.

This is because the seed contains amygdalin which can turn into a lethal substance called hydrogen cyanide.

Despite such danger, the human body is capable of surviving from ingesting the seed.

      • I removed "a small amount of times" because it really wasn't needed and it made the sentence wordy. I wanted to use a more qualified word than "eating," which is "ingesting."; Despite such danger, the human body is capable of surviving from eating the seed a small amount of times.

In addition, the amygdalin will only become accessible when it is crushed, so if it is not crushed, it will just pass through the digestive tract.

In conclusion, apple seeds are poisonous, however, they don't do much damage if consumed correctly.

      • I rewrote the second half of the sentence because it did not properly give a good close to the writing. The revised version ties everything together while being clear in meaning.; In conclusion, apple seeds are poisonous, though have some conditions before killing.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/can-apple-seeds-kill-you Edited by Michael Morrow

Try to avoid questions as titles and being wordy. I recommend using heightened diction to replace some of the more basic terms.


Poisoned by Apple Seeds

For years, people have been warned that apple seeds are poisonous. Though true, the seed will only kill if it has been crushed and well over a thousand has been consumed. This is because the seed contains amygdalin which can turn into a lethal substance called hydrogen cyanide. Despite such danger, the human body is capable of surviving from ingesting the seed. In addition, the amygdalin will only become accessible when it is crushed, so if it is not crushed, it will just pass through the digestive tract. In conclusion, apple seeds are poisonous, however, they don't do much damage if consumed correctly.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/can-apple-seeds-kill-you




Why Planets Are Round

      • I swapped "planets" and "are" to change to the meaning of the title. Instead of asking why, the title shows that the article will explain why.;Why Are Planets Round?

When looking at the solar system, one can see that all the planets are round; this is due to gravity.

      • I combined these two sentences. The second sentence is too short to have any impact by itself.; When looking at the solar system, one can see that all the planets are round. This is due to gravity.

The gravitational force of the planet will bring all the material to its center.

      • I wanted to add specificity to the sentence. I answered the question of "who's center?"; The gravitational force of the planet will bring all the material to the center.

The more mass the planet is, the stronger the gravity.

So, some smaller cosmic bodies are not round due to their low mass.

      • I added the conjunction "so" to be a good transition for the sentence before.; Some smaller cosmic bodies are not round due to their low mass.

When the planet or cosmic body reaches a few hundred kilometers across, the shape becomes rounder.

      • I removed "more" from the sentence, "rounder" is already in its comparative form and is a word that does not require "more" or "most."; When the planet or cosmic body reaches a few hundred kilometers across, the shape becomes more rounder.

Despite its unlikelihood, scientists have wondered about the existence of a cubical planet and how one would live there.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-are-planets-round Edited by Michael Morrow

Avoid using questions as titles.


Why Planets Are Round

When looking at the solar system, one can see that all the planets are round; this is due to gravity. The gravitational force of the planet will bring all the material to its center. The more mass the planet is, the stronger the gravity. So, some smaller cosmic bodies are not round due to their low mass. When the planet or cosmic body reaches a few hundred kilometers across, the shape becomes rounder. Despite its unlikelihood, scientists have wondered about the existence of a cubical planet and how one would live there.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-are-planets-round



How the Ocean's Saltwater is Created

      • For the title, I made it more specific, so readers can know what they will read before going into the article.;Salty Seawater

Humans need to drink water to survive; additionally, they're surrounded by vast bodies of it.

      • I these two sentences could be combined. And they didn't do much when standing on their own. I added a semicolon and a transitional word to move the sentence smoothly.; Humans need to drink water in order to survive. They are surrounded by vast bodies of water.

However, humans are unable to drink the water because it is too salty.

      • I replaced the pronouns with specific nouns, so the sentence can be clearer.; However, they are unable to drink it because it is too salty.

This is because the atmosphere contains carbon dioxide, making the water vapor slightly acidic.

      • I used "contains" because it was more concrete than "has."; This is because the atmosphere has carbon dioxide, making the water vapor slightly acidic.

When it rains, the runoff collects minerals and deposits into a nearby body of water.

Through different biological processes, the accumulated minerals are removed, while salt mineral remains.

      • Here, I polished the sentence up and used finer diction while keeping the message the same.; Through biological processes, the minerals picked up are removed, however the salt mineral still remains.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-is-the-ocean-salty Edited by Michael Morrow

Consider being more concise with diction and be more specific.


How the Ocean's Saltwater is Created

Humans need to drink water to survive; additionally, they're surrounded by vast bodies of it. However, humans are unable to drink the water because it is too salty. This is because the atmosphere contains carbon dioxide, making the water vapor slightly acidic. Through different biological processes, the accumulated minerals are removed, while salt mineral remains.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-is-the-ocean-salty




What the Rosetta Stone Says

The Rosetta Stone is a black granite stone with three types of inscriptions and is currently in the British Museum.

      • The sentence is wordy so I cut down on words. Instead of saying "writing inscribed on it," it is now "inscriptions." I remove "now" and when you think about it, "now" and "currently" have the same meaning. ; The Rosetta Stone is a black granite stone with three types of writing inscribed on it and is now currently in the hands of the British Museum.

The Rosetta Stone aided in the deciphering of the Egyptian hieroglyphics by scholars Thomas Young and Jean-Francois Champollion.

The Rosetta Stone talks about a government affair.

      • This sentence lacks the detail that all the others have. As I tried to revise this sentence, I think this may not be needed if the next sentence is worded correctly. Therefore, this sentence can be omitted.; The Rosetta Stone talks about a government affair.

The stone's text starts off with the pharaoh's beneficial acts to the society and his accomplishments and, as a reward, the council of priests pledged to support the king's royal cult.

      • So, here I moved the comma from behind "accomplishments" to in front of "as." I changed "king" to "pharaoh." Even though pharaohs were kings, I thought it was more fitting to use an Egyptian term here.; The text starts off with the king's beneficial acts to the society and his accomplishments, and as a reward, the council of priests pledged to support the king's royal cult.

The text ends with the decree that the pledge be inscribed in stone in the three writing and placed in Egyptian temples.

      • I replaced "It then" with "The text" and removed "off," that word was not necessary.; It then ends off with the decree that the pledge be inscribed in stone in the three writing and placed in Egyptian temples.

The Rosetta Stone, other than its advantages to the advancement of historical knowledge, offers a banal tale of the king's decree.

      • I added the word "the" behind "to." When reading the sentence, it felt like it was missing something.; The Rosetta Stone, other than its advantages to the advancement of historical knowledge, offers only a banal tale of the king's decree.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/what-does-the-rosetta-stone-say Edited by Michael Morrow

Try to avoid wordiness in your writings.


What the Rosetta Stone Says

The Rosetta Stone is a black granite stone with three types of inscriptions and is currently in the British Museum. The Rosetta Stone aided in the deciphering of the Egyptian hieroglyphics by scholars Thomas Young and Jean-Francois Champollion. The stone's text starts off with the pharaoh's beneficial acts to the society and his accomplishments and, as a reward, the council of priests pledged to support the king's royal cult. The text ends with the decree that the pledge be inscribed in stone in the three writing and placed in Egyptian temples. The Rosetta Stone, other than its advantages to the advancement of historical knowledge, offers a banal tale of the king's decree.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/what-does-the-rosetta-stone-say


Zero: Odd or Even Number

      • Remember to avoid having questions as titles. I tried to keep the title the same while removing the question aspect of the title. The way I did so may not be the best. I do encourage you to revise the title to your liking, though.;Is Zero Odd or Even?

Many people wonder if the number zero is an integer because it signifies an empty set.

      • I was confused by the sentence until reading the article. I revised it to sound clearer and to simplify it.; Many people are confused by the number zero as if it is an integer because it signifies an empty set.

A whole number is a number that has no remainder; therefore, zero is a whole number.

      • I corrected the article from "an" to "a." I decided to combine the two sentences because they fit well together. I combined them by using a semicolon.; An whole number is a number that has no remainder. As a result, zero is a whole number.

An integer is whole numbers and their opposites.

An odd number is an integer that when divided by two has a remainder or fractional component.

An even number is an integer that does not have a remainder when divided by two.

Zero divided by two does not have a remainder and is therefore even.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/is-zero-an-even-or-an-odd-number Edited by Michael Morrow

Remember to avoid using questions in your titles.

Zero: Odd or Even Number Many people wonder if the number zero is an integer because it signifies an empty set. A whole number is a number that has no remainder; therefore, zero is a whole number. An integer is whole numbers and their opposites. An odd number is an integer that when divided by two has a remainder or fractional component. An even number is an integer that does not have a remainder when divided by two. Zero divided by two does not have a remainder and is therefore even.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/is-zero-an-even-or-an-odd-number



The Mass Suicide of Lemmings

Lemmings are small rodents, reputable for their wild nature.

A myth regarding these rodents is that every few years, a group of lemmings commit mass suicide.

      • To avoid repeating "lemmings" twice, I replaced the first word with "these rodents."; A myth regarding lemmings is that every few years, a group of lemmings commit mass suicide.

It is said to be because they are driven by instinct to do so as a result of overpopulation.

This may be because, in the 17th century, people saw lemmings fall from the sky in large numbers.

      • I added a comma to enclose the appositive. Also, I corrected the verb of "fell" to "fall." I think it is important to know where the lemmings are "falling" from. Or is it unknown?; This may be because in the 17th century, people saw lemmings fell from the sky in large numbers.

However, the truth is that lemmings do not commit suicide.

Lemmings, when a large concentration of them are in one area, separate into groups, and one group will migrate to find another home.

      • When you used "house," it was hard to understand what you were talking about. After looking at the article, it is better to say "home."; Lemmings, when a large concentration of them are in one area, separate into groups, and one group will migrate to find another house.

They may fall, but it can hardly be considered suicide.

This myth may represent human society, as it shows how many people in society are followers, and that they copy others.

      • This sentence seems so random compared to the rest of the summary. You should either focus on the lemmings or find a way to integrate humans into the summary. Therefore, I removed it.; This myth may represent human society, as it shows how many people in society are followers, and that they copy others.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/do-lemmings-really-commit-mass-suicide Edited by Michael Morrow


The Mass Suicide of Lemmings

Lemmings are small rodents, reputable for their wild nature. A myth regarding these rodents is that every few years, a group of lemmings commit mass suicide. It is said to be because they are driven by instinct to do so as a result of overpopulation. This may be because, in the 17th century, people saw lemmings fall from the sky in large numbers. Lemmings, when a large concentration of them are in one area, separate into groups, and one group will migrate to find another home. They may fall, but it can hardly be considered suicide.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/do-lemmings-really-commit-mass-suicide



Alexa

Alexa is a device by Samsung that is voice-activated and has multiple useful functionalities.

      • I thought you were missing an important word that could help the sentence: "multiple." This causes me to turn "functionality" plural as well.; Alexa is a device by Samsung that is voice-activated and has useful functionality.

People are happy with the device's effectiveness and it reflects in the high sales.

      • You have three repetitive "many." In order to cut back, I decided to combine the two sentences. So, instead of "Many of these devices have been sold," I simply said "high sales."; Many people are happy with its effectiveness, and many say that it works very well. Many of these devices have been sold.

Alexa, in addition to voice recognition features, also sends Amazon information about its user.

      • I decided to removed the pronoun in the here, it's not needed.; Alexa, in addition to her voice recognition features, also sends Amazon information about its user.

It sends Amazon the most searched results.

      • I removed "up" and added "the."; It sends Amazon most searched up results.

People, however, do not find this to be nefariously bad.

This is probably because many other household devices are similar to Alexa in terms of being "smart" and sending back results.

SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/alexa-what-are-you-doing-with-my-familys-personal-info/ Edited by Michael Morrow

Try to avoid being wordy. Remember that in writing, less is more.


Alexa

Alexa is a device by Samsung that is voice-activated and has multiple useful functionalities. People are happy with the device's effectiveness and it reflects in the high sales. Alexa, in addition to voice recognition features, also sends Amazon information about its user. It sends Amazon the most searched results. People, however, do not find this to be nefariously bad. This is probably because many other household devices are similar to Alexa in terms of being "smart" and sending back results.

SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/alexa-what-are-you-doing-with-my-familys-personal-info/



How to Make the iPhone Safer

In modern times, where the use of smartphones is prominent, a normal child spends about six hours looking at a screen.

Research shows that with more screen time, the higher the risk for suicide.

      • With a strong claim like this, we need to see where this research is coming from or who is doing it. Unfortunately, the article does not show where this information is coming from.; Research shows that with more screen time, the higher the risk for suicide.

One solution to this problem would be to limit the usage of the iPhone.

      • Here, I just completely simplified the sentence to make the message clearer.; One solution to this problem would be not to completely eliminate the usage of an iPhone but to limit it.

It has been shown that people who do not use the iPhone are less happy in comparison to people who use it sparingly.

Another solution would be to regulate what can be seen on the iPhone.

      • I added the assumed missing word "to" and changed "could" to "can."; Another solution would be regulate what could be seen on the iPhone.

This, however, poses a problem for many social media sites.

      • I added commas to the sentence to enclose "however." And I changed "to" to "for."; This however poses a problem to many social media sites.

Though difficult for other companies, making their products safer is easy for Apple and by doing so, their sales will increase, benefiting Apple and their customer.

SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/does-apple-have-an-obligation-to-make-the-iphone-safer-for-kids/ Edited by Michael Morrow

Make sure you closely proofread your work. Teachers and professor will take off points for tedious and simple mistakes. Always try to find out were the research of something os coming from.

How to Make the iPhone Safer

In modern times, where the use of smartphones is prominent, a normal child spends about six hours looking at a screen. Research shows that with more screen time, the higher the risk for suicide. One solution to this problem would be to limit the usage of the iPhone. It has been shown that people who do not use the iPhone are less happy in comparison to people who use it sparingly. Another solution would be to regulate what can be seen on the iPhone. This, however, poses a problem for many social media sites. Though difficult for other companies, making their products safer is easy for Apple and by doing so, their sales will increase, benefiting Apple and their customer.

SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/does-apple-have-an-obligation-to-make-the-iphone-safer-for-kids/



Perception of Femininity and its Effect on Actions

Women are more environmentally-friendly people compared to men, which means they litter less and recycle more, and it has been thought that this behavior was caused by women's firm belief in altruism.

      • I changed the wording in this sentence that was in the commas.; Women are more environmentally-friendly people compared to men, littering less and recycling more than them, and it has been thought that this behavior was caused by women's firm belief in altruism.

However, recent studies have shown that men shun eco-friendly actions as it may negatively affect their masculinity.

In the research with over 2,000 participants from both genders, results have shown that both sexes viewed a person who brought a reusable canvas bag than a plastic bag to be more feminine regardless of the person's actual gender.

In another experiment, the participants felt more feminine when they recalled an experience in which they had performed an eco-friendly deed.

According to a study, men were given a pink gift card with a floral pattern and were asked to imagine what they would buy with it, and the data reported that the men showed the pink card would imagine themselves buying non-green products as to reassert their masculinity compared to the men that were shown a standard gift card.

      • I corrected the verb usage from "shown" to "showed." "Have shown" would have worked as well if you want to keep "shown." Changed "showed" to "reported." Also, the beginning was changed to "According to a study." This was to avoid the already stated "another."; In another study, men were given a pink gift card with a floral pattern and were asked to imagine what they would buy with it, and the data showed that the men shown the pink card would imagine themselves buying non-green products as to reassert their masculinity compared to the men that were shown a standard gift card.

Men, thought to be less sensitive than women, are more sensitive than they seem, where they are constantly on the lookout to avoid situations where their masculinity may be in danger.

      • I omitted "though" because it really was not needed. You can remove either "actually" or "much." Both of them are not needed, one can do the job, or neither could work as well. So, I removed "much."; Men, though thought to be less sensitive than women, are actually much more sensitive than they seem, where they are constantly on the lookout to avoid situations where their masculinity may be in danger.

Therefore, pro-environmental marketers should develop masculine eco-friendly activities that will allow a man to contribute without endangering his manliness.

      • I simply changed "as to" to "that will" to give it a smoother sound.; Therefore, pro-environmental marketers should develop masculine eco-friendly activities as to allow a man to contribute without endangering his manliness.

SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-resist-green-behavior-as-unmanly/ Edited by Michael Morrow


Perception of Femininity and its Effect on Actions

Women are more environmentally-friendly people compared to men, which means they litter less and recycle more, and it has been thought that this behavior was caused by women's firm belief in altruism. However, recent studies have shown that men shun eco-friendly actions as it may negatively affect their masculinity. In the research with over 2,000 participants from both genders, results have shown that both sexes viewed a person who brought a reusable canvas bag than a plastic bag to be more feminine regardless of the person's actual gender. In another experiment, the participants felt more feminine when they recalled an experience in which they had performed an eco-friendly deed. According to a study, men were given a pink gift card with a floral pattern and were asked to imagine what they would buy with it, and the data reported that the men showed the pink card would imagine themselves buying non-green products as to reassert their masculinity compared to the men that were shown a standard gift card. Men, thought to be less sensitive than women, are more sensitive than they seem, where they are constantly on the lookout to avoid situations where their masculinity may be in danger. Therefore, pro-environmental marketers should develop masculine eco-friendly activities that will allow a man to contribute without endangering his manliness.

SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-resist-green-behavior-as-unmanly/




The History of the Swastika

The swastika is a figure shaped like an X with sticks at the end of each leg bending to the right at 90 degrees.

At first, it was a symbol representing well-being and used in Buddhism and Hinduism.

      • In this sentence, I changed "for" to "representing." And I decided that these two could be combined because the second one really was not standing own its own.; At first, it was a symbol for well-being.It was used in Buddhism and Hinduism.

Then, the symbol was used by Adolf Hitler and the Nazi Party in Germany.

      • Here, I combined the sentences here also. Since the sentences are short, some cant really be own their own.; Then, the symbol was used by Adolf Hitler.It was used to represent the Nazi forces of Germany.

Ever since then, the symbol has been corrupted and was not used to invoke well-being.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/how-the-symbolism-of-the-swastika-was-ruined Edited by Michael Morrow

Consider revising this passage with longer sentences.


The History of the Swastika

The swastika is a figure shaped like an X with sticks at the end of each leg bending to the right at 90 degrees. At first, it was a symbol representing well-being and used in Buddhism and Hinduism. Then, the symbol was used by Adolf Hitler and the Nazi Party in Germany. Ever since then, the symbol has been corrupted and was not used to invoke well-being.

SOURCE: https://www.britannica.com/story/how-the-symbolism-of-the-swastika-was-ruined




Repetitive Sounds can be Music to Your Ears

Music includes a lot of repetition of lyrics, but recent studies show that repetition of any sound could be melodious.

A team of psychologists, at the University of California, collected around 20 different environmental sounds, like dripping water.

      • So I made a couple of changes. I added commas to enclose "at the University of California" and changed "in" to "at." I omitted "had" because "collected" does the job. I removed "sounds" and changed the word order at the end of the sentence.; A team of psychologists in the University of California had collected around 20 different environmental sounds, sounds like water dripping.

Then, they had played it twice: first, individually and then, in a series with increasing repeats.

      • I added commas behind the transitional phrases and placed a comma behind "twice" to give the rest of the sentence a list structure.; Then they had played it twice, first individually and then in a series with increasing repeats.

The team had found that as the repeats start to increase, the sounds became more tuneful.

The conclusion was that repetition had affected not only speech but any sound in its ability to make a sound seem good.

      • The repetition of sound could easily confuse readers. So, I changed the second one to "seem."; The conclusion was that repetition had affected not only speech but any sound in its ability to make a sound sound good.

The experiment raises the question that how and why does this happen, as the sound itself does not change, only the interpretation made by the mind.

SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/repetitive-sounds-are-music-to-the-brain/ Edited by Michael Morrow


Repetitive Sounds can be Music to Your Ears

Music includes a lot of repetition of lyrics, but recent studies show that repetition of any sound could be melodious. A team of psychologists, at the University of California, collected around 20 different environmental sounds, like dripping water. Then, they had played it twice: first, individually and then, in a series with increasing repeats. The team had found that as the repeats start to increase, the sounds became more tuneful. The conclusion was that repetition had affected not only speech but any sound in its ability to make a sound seem good. The experiment raises the question that how and why does this happen, as the sound itself does not change, only the interpretation made by the mind.

SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/repetitive-sounds-are-music-to-the-brain/



Intelligent People Likely to be Diagnosed with Mental Disorder

      • In the title, I fixed it to sound smoother. I don't think "Mentally Disordered" is a phrase, so I went with "diagnosed."; Intelligent People are More Likely to be Mentally Disordered

Highly intelligent people have been shown to do well in life, for example, in school or on the job.

      • THere should be a little more detail here. What do you mean by "do well in life?" Make more money? Or have happier lives? I went into the article to find that missing piece; Highly intelligent people have been shown to do well in life.

However, in an experiment done by Ruth Karpinski and her colleagues, it was shown that Mensa, a group of highly intelligent people, had more mental disorders than the general population.

This is theorized due to the brain/hyper body theory, a theory proposing that hyper-intelligence is associated with psychological and physiological overexcitabilities, or OEs, a stronger reaction to an environmental threat or insult.

      • I removed a few words to try to shorten the sentence. Also, I added a hyphen between "hyper" and "intelligence."; This is theorized to be because of brain/hyper body theory, a theory proposing that hyper intelligence is associated with psychological and physiological overexcitabilities or OEs, a stronger reaction to an environmental threat or insult.

For example, an intelligent worker may overreact to a negative comment by his superior, imagining multiple negative futures, which may trigger the body's stress response and possibly increase their anxiety.

      • Just to drop that last "which," I used "and possibly." This made me change "increased" to present tense. And I replaced "the person's" with "their."; For example, an intelligent worker may overreact to a negative comment by his superior, imagining multiple negative futures, which may trigger the body's stress response, which increases the person's anxiety.

Despite the correlation between IQ and mental disorders, the fact that either is the cause of the other has not been proved.

      • Here, I just removed "though" because it really was not needed.; Though, despite the correlation between IQ and mental disorders, the fact that either is the cause of the other has not been proved.

If researched properly, results may answer questions on how to improve people's mental and physical states.

SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bad-news-for-the-highly-intelligent/ Edited by Michael Morrow

Try to avoid repeating words multiple times in the sentence and be more specific.


Intelligent People Likely to be Diagnosed with Mental Disorder

Highly intelligent people have been shown to do well in life, for example, in school or on the job. However, in an experiment done by Ruth Karpinski and her colleagues, it was shown that Mensa, a group of highly intelligent people, had more mental disorders than the general population. This is theorized due to the brain/hyper body theory, a theory proposing that hyper-intelligence is associated with psychological and physiological overexcitabilities, or OEs, a stronger reaction to an environmental threat or insult. For example, an intelligent worker may overreact to a negative comment by his superior, imagining multiple negative futures, which may trigger the body's stress response and possibly increase their anxiety. Despite the correlation between IQ and mental disorders, the fact that either is the cause of the other has not been proved. If researched properly, results may answer questions on how to improve people's mental and physical states.

SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bad-news-for-the-highly-intelligent/



The Decline of Science

Recently, the Trump administration has banned US public health agencies from using the following terms: vulnerable, entitlement, diversity, transgender, fetus, evidence-based, and science-based.

Agencies were outraged by this ban as the ban challenges the definition of science which is describing the material world with evidence.

      • I removed the two dashes and put in a basic "which is." I know there are multiple definitions of science, but would this one be better if it said "defining" instead of "describing?"; Agencies were outraged by this ban as the ban challenges the definition of science--describing the material world with evidence.

Following the ban are the guaranteed loss of life due to the inability to maintain effective public health measures.

      • In this sentence, I corrected some phrasing and "jazzed" it up some. The comma was dropped. "Loss of some lives" is now "loss of life." "Have" is now "maintain."; Following the ban are the guaranteed loss of some lives, a result of the inability to have effective public health measures.

By nature, humans prefer the ideal choice such as the "magic cure".

      • I moved "by nature" to the start of the sentence. Overall, the sentence does not make sense. I'm cant draw from previous info given to help understand. I think you should really go into detail on what this "magic cure" is.; Humans, by nature, prefer the nicer, more ideal choice and as such prefer the "magic cure".

With health agencies being unable to accurately recommend and create an effective public health measure, people will die due to people choosing to go after the "magic cure."

If this ban continues, the death of many is inevitable.

SOURCE: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/trump-to-cdc-these-7-words-are-now-forbidden/ Edited by Michael Morrow


The Decline of Science

Recently, the Trump administration has banned US public health agencies from using the following terms: vulnerable, entitlement, diversity, transgender, fetus, evidence-based, and science-based. Agencies were outraged by this ban as the ban challenges the definition of science which is describing the material world with evidence. Following the ban are the guaranteed loss of life due to the inability to maintain effective public health measures. By nature, humans prefer the ideal choice such as the "magic cure". With health agencies being unable to accurately recommend and create an effective public health measure, people will die due to people choosing to go after the "magic cure." If this ban continues, the death of many is inevitable.

SOURCE: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/trump-to-cdc-these-7-words-are-now-forbidden/





Why the Brain is Better Than A Smartphone

Nowadays, people rely too much on their smartphones rather than their brain, Googling the answer to every question, but the brain will remain superior to smartphones.

      • Edited for clarity; Nowadays, people rely on their smartphones rather than their brains, Googling the answer to every question, but the brain will remain superior to smartphones.

For one, people do remember some details like spelling and how to use the gadget in the first place, otherwise how else would they Google?

      • Edited for fluidity; For one, people do remember some essential details like spelling and how to use their smartphone in the first place. Otherwise, how would they Google?

Secondly, to function in society, one must have a basic understanding of culture and knowledge about their friends such as the name or birthday.

      • Edited for grammar; Secondly, to function in society one must have a basic understanding of culture and knowledge, such as the names or birthdays of their friends.

Also, our brains are necessary to remember passcodes and the such.

      • Edited for grammar; Also, our brains are necessary to remember passcodes and the like.

Lastly, productivity would be interrupted by continuously looking up information. As such, the brain is irreplaceable.

      • Edited for clarity; Lastly, productivity would be interrupted by having to continuously look up information. As such, the brain is irreplaceable.

Why the Brain is Better Than A Smartphone

Nowadays, people rely too much on their smartphones rather than their brain, Googling the answer to every question, but the brain will remain superior to smartphones.

For one, people do remember some details like spelling and how to use the gadget in the first place, otherwise how else would they Google?

Secondly, to function in society, one must have a basic understanding of culture and knowledge about their friends such as the name or birthday.

Also, our brains are necessary to remember passcodes and the such.

Lastly, productivity would be interrupted by continuously looking up information. As such, the brain is irreplaceable.

Fully Edited Article: Why the Brain is Better Than A Smartphone

Nowadays, people rely on their smartphones rather than their brains, Googling the answer to every question, but the brain will remain superior to smartphones. For one, people do remember some essential details like spelling and how to use their smartphone in the first place. Otherwise, how would they Google? Secondly, to function in society one must have a basic understanding of culture and knowledge, such as the names or birthdays of their friends. Also, our brains are necessary to remember passcodes and the like. Lastly, productivity would be interrupted by having to continuously look up information. As such, the brain is irreplaceable.

      • You need to work on making sure that you connect your sentences properly. You've got all of the information here that you need, now you need to focus on phrasing. Think about how each sentence connects to each other and how they serve the paragraph as a whole.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/pogue-6-reasons-why-smartphones-wont-replace-our-brains/




Video Game for ADHD

A video game produced by Akili Interactive Labs has been shown to treat ADHD patients. The game sends its player to multiple fantasy worlds and, upon completion of a task, rewards the player with stars and points. The game targets central neurological neurons that control attention and impulsive behavior and activates certain neural networks. In an experiment with 348 children of ages 8 to 12, children who played the video game for over four years showed better results compared to children who played another game as a placebo. To get the best results, the researchers recommend using it for 30 minutes a day, five days a week, for up to four weeks. The game, however, has not been tested against psychotherapy or the sort and, thus, cannot be seen as its equal or superior. SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/this-video-game-may-help-kids-with-adhd/



The Joy In Music Compositions


Songs evoke happiness or sadness, anger or despair, or positive or negative emotions. But how is this feat accomplished?

      • Edited for grammar; Songs can evoke happiness or sadness, anger or despair, and other positive and negative emotions. But how is this feat accomplished?

Scientists have performed a study on music compositions to determine what factor a song plays in emotion.

      • Edited for fluidity; Scientists have performed a study on music compositions to determine what factor listening to a song plays on emotion.

They did this by using labMT to analyze words and whether it brings out positive or negative emotions.

      • Edited for fluidity; They did this by using labMT to analyze whether or not various words in songs bring out positive or negative emotions.

They, then, had corresponded the positive words with the notes. The conclusion was that major and seventh chords had a high correlation with positive feelings.

      • Edited for grammar; They then found which notes the positive words corresponded to in the music. The conclusion was that major and seventh chords had a high correlation with positive feelings.

The Joy In Music Compositions

Songs evoke happiness or sadness, anger or despair, or positive or negative emotions. But how is this feat accomplished? Scientists have performed a study on music compositions to determine what factor a song plays in emotion. They did this by using labMT to analyze words and whether it brings out positive or negative emotions. They, then, had corresponded the positive words with the notes. The conclusion was that major and seventh chords had a high correlation with positive feelings.

Fully Edited Article: Songs can evoke happiness or sadness, anger or despair, and other positive and negative emotions. But how is this feat accomplished? Scientists have performed a study on music compositions to determine what factor listening to a song plays on emotion. They did this by using labMT to analyze whether or not various words in songs bring out positive or negative emotions. They then found which notes the positive words corresponded to in the music. The conclusion was that major and seventh chords had a high correlation with positive feelings.

      • You need to work on grammar and sentence structure.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/have-scientists-found-a-secret-chord-for-happy-songs/






History of the 'Pledge of Allegiance'

The Pledge of Allegiance, which, in most cases, is executed in American schools daily, has been slightly altered from its original form over the years.

      • Using two adverbs so close together like that is awkward, add the “over the years” part to make sure your reader knows it’s not a recent alteration; The Pledge of Allegiance, commonly executed in American schools daily, had been slightly altered from its original form.

Written in August 1892 by Francis Bellamy, the pledge first read "I pledge allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

Gradually, changes to the pledge were made.

      • I would like to know WHY the changes were made – I feel that including this information would make your summary stronger.

In 1923, the pledge read "I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

Then, in 1954, it became "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

The pledge, though changed throughout history, still brought forth feelings of patriotism.

      • This summary is grammatically pretty good, but I recommend adding some reasoning behind why the pledge kept changing over the years

History of the 'Pledge of Allegiance'

The Pledge of Allegiance, which, in most cases, is executed in American schools daily, has been slightly altered from its original form over the years. Written in August 1892 by Francis Bellamy, the pledge first read "I pledge allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." Gradually, changes to the pledge were made. In 1923, the pledge read "I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." Then, in 1954, it became "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." The pledge, though changed throughout history, still brought forth feelings of patriotism.



History of the 'Pledge of Allegiance'

The Pledge of Allegiance, commonly executed in American schools daily, had been slightly altered from its original form. Written in August 1892 by Francis Bellamy, the pledge first read "I pledge allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." Gradually, changes to the pledge were made. In 1923, the pledge read "I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." Then, in 1954, it became "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." The pledge, though changed throughout history, still brought forth feelings of patriotism. SOURCE: http://www.ushistory.org/documents/pledge.htm



A Possible New Way of Curing Obesity

Obesity may be "curable" with the injection of a protein.

Scientists have discovered that a protein called GDF15 can be abundantly found in lean animals more than it can be found in fatter creatures.

      • Sentence structure; Scientists have found that in many lean creatures a protein called GDF15 can be abundantly found as in comparison to fatter creatures.

Scientists have injected this protein into fatter creatures, which slimmed them down without any side-effects.

      • Passive voice, comma; Scientists have tried to inject this protein into fatter creatures which had slimmed them down without any side-effects.

In addition, after taking the injection, animals have been seen to prefer a low-fat diet.

As this protein has worked on animals, scientists are optimistic to test on humans.

However, the safety of doing so is murky.

      • EXPAND***

A Possible New Way of Curing Obesity

Obesity may be "curable" with the injection of a protein. Scientists have discovered that a protein called GDF15 can be abundantly found in lean animals more than it can be found in fatter creatures. Scientists have injected this protein into fatter creatures, which slimmed them down without any side-effects. In addition, after taking the injection, animals have been seen to prefer a low-fat diet. As this protein has worked on animals, scientists are optimistic to test on humans. However, the safety of doing so is murky.


A Possible New Way of Curing Obesity

Obesity may be "curable" with the injection of a protein. Scientists have found that in many lean creatures a protein called GDF15 can be abundantly found as in comparison to fatter creatures. Scientists have tried to inject this protein into fatter creatures which had slimmed them down without any side-effects. In addition, after taking the injection, animals have been seen to prefer a low-fat diet. As this protein has worked on animals, scientists are optimistic to test on humans. However, the safety of doing so is murky. SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/scientists-zero-in-on-a-new-target-for-obesity/


Talking on the Phone Makes People Selectively Attentive While Driving

      • Avoid ambiguous ‘you,’ ‘attent’ is not a word, make the title actually connect to the article; Phone Addiction Will Make You Selectively Attent

Every day, people are always talking on their smartphones.

      • Comma, wrong “everyday/every day”, pluralize smartphone because you’re talking about plural people, relate it more specifically to the rest of the article; Everyday people are always looking at their smartphone.

A recent study, proven by older experiments, has shown that being glued to your smartphone will make you miss a lot of information.

      • Subject/verb agreement; A recent study, proven by older experiments, have shown that being glued to your smartphone will make you miss many information.

For example, talking on the phone while driving causes drivers to ignore hazard signs, because when people talk on the phone, they visualize the other person’s environment and actions.

      • Sentence structure, avoid ambiguous “you”, avoid passive voice avoid “etc.” lists; For example, calling while driving will make you ignore hazard signs because when you are calling someone you are visualizing his or her environment, actions, and so on.

This visual component taps into resources needed for accurate visual perception, which makes the driver miss out on details such as stop signs and speed limit signs.

      • Avoid ambiguous “you”, avoid “etc.” lists; This visual component taps into resources needed for accurate visual perception, and then you'll miss out on stop signs, speed limit signs, and so on.

This is proven by the “invisible gorilla” experiment, which shows that while an observer is trying to count the amount of passes a group makes in a basketball game, they will not notice a gorilla walk by, because they draw upon resources to count the basketball passes, ignoring other visuals.

      • Be more specific in your description of the experiment, avoid ambiguous “you”; This can be proven by the "invisible gorilla" experiment as while you are trying to count the amount of passes a group makes, you will not notice the gorilla walk by because you are drawing upon resources to accurately count the basketball pass, ignoring on other visuals.

This can be related to phone calls and distracted driving; because the driver is distracted, they have a higher likelihood to get into an accident.

      • Make the concluding sentence wrap up the rest of the article – since eye problems was not mentioned, don’t include it right at the end; Not only will phones cause you eye problems, but they will also have a tendency to get into multiple accidents.


Talking on the Phone Makes People Selectively Attentive While Driving

Every day, people are always talking on their smartphones. A recent study, proven by older experiments, has shown that being glued to your smartphone will make you miss a lot of information. For example, talking on the phone while driving causes drivers to ignore hazard signs, because when people talk on the phone, they visualize the other person’s environment and actions. This visual component taps into resources needed for accurate visual perception, which makes the driver miss out on details such as stop signs and speed limit signs. This is proven by the “invisible gorilla” experiment, which shows that while an observer is trying to count the amount of passes a group makes in a basketball game, they will not notice a gorilla walk by, because they draw upon resources to count the basketball passes, ignoring other visuals. This can be related to phone calls and distracted driving; because the driver is distracted, they have a higher likelihood to get into an accident.


Phone Addiction Will Make You Selectively Attent

Everyday people are always looking at their smartphone. A recent study, proven by older experiments, have shown that being glued to your smartphone will make you miss many information. For example, calling while driving will make you ignore hazard signs because when you are calling someone you are visualizing his or her environment, actions, and so on. This visual component taps into resources needed for accurate visual perception, and then you'll miss out on stop signs, speed limit signs, and so on. This can be proven by the "invisible gorilla" experiment as while you are trying to count the amount of passes a group makes, you will not notice the gorilla walk by because you are drawing upon resources to accurately count the basketball pass, ignoring on other visuals. Not only will phones cause you eye problems, but they will also have a tendency to get into multiple accidents. SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/5-vital-things-you-cant-do-properly-when-youre-on-your-phone/



Correlation Between Sleeve Length and Hospital Infections

      • this article summary isn’t about doctors, it’s about sleeve length; Beware of Doctors

Every day, people attend their biannual health checkups to find out if there are any anomalies in their health.

      • Comma, be more specific in your description; Everyday people attend their biannual health checkups for any anomalies.

However, it has recently been shown that doctors, too, are a source of infections.

      • Order of words for flow, commas; However, recently it has been shown that doctors too are a source of infections.

A study, with 34 health care workers participating, required its participants to examine a mannequin for a "cauliflower mosaic virus" four times, twice with long sleeve and twice without.

Results show that twenty-five percent of the simulations when wearing long sleeves had the virus on their sleeves, compared to zero percent when wearing short sleeves.

Not only have they contaminated their sleeves, but about five percent of the workers who wore long sleeves had also contaminated the mannequin.

      • Comma; Not only have they contaminated their sleeves but about five percent of the workers who wore long sleeves had also contaminated the mannequin.

Despite such results, researches still have to experiment on whether or not short sleeves will have an effect on the number of infections spread in a hospital.

Correlation Between Sleeve Length and Hospital Infections

Every day, people attend their biannual health checkups to find out if there are any anomalies in their health. However, it has recently been shown that doctors, too, are a source of infections. A study, with 34 health care workers participating, required its participants to examine a mannequin for a "cauliflower mosaic virus" four times, twice with long sleeve and twice without. Results show that twenty-five percent of the simulations when wearing long sleeves had the virus on their sleeves, compared to zero percent when wearing short sleeves. Not only have they contaminated their sleeves, but about five percent of the workers who wore long sleeves had also contaminated the mannequin. Despite such results, researches still have to experiment on whether or not short sleeves will have an effect on the number of infections spread in a hospital.


Beware of Doctors

Everyday people attend their biannual health checkups for any anomalies. However, recently it has been shown that doctors too are a source of infections. A study, with 34 health care workers participating, required its participants to examine a mannequin for a "cauliflower mosaic virus" four times, twice with long sleeve and twice without. Results show that twenty-five percent of the simulations when wearing long sleeves had the virus on their sleeves, compared to zero percent when wearing short sleeves. Not only have they contaminated their sleeves but about five percent of the workers who wore long sleeves had also contaminated the mannequin. Despite such results, researches still have to experiment on whether or not short sleeves will have an effect on the number of infections spread in a hospital. SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/long-sleeves-on-doctors-white-coats-may-spread-germs/


The Difference Between Critical Thinking and Intelligence

      • title doesn’t match the tone of the article; Intelligence Versus Critical Thinking

Intelligent people might do dumb things from time to time.

Intelligence, which is typically measure by IQ, is different from critical thinking; the latter is the ability to think rationally, and the former is the ability to memorize various things, such as equations and vocabulary.

      • Wording and sentence structure – avoid run-ons with clever punctuation, also avoid an “etc.”-like ending of a sentence; Intelligence, typically measured in IQ, is different from critical thinking as the latter is the ability to think rationally and the former is the ability to memorize equations, vocabulary, and so on.

Intelligent people are often assumed to be successful in life, but that is not always the case.

      • Verb choice, add “always” to avoid making a generalization; Intelligent people are often mistook to be successful in life, however that is not the case.

According to a study performed by Professor Heather A. Butler, critical thinkers experience fewer negative life events, such as having and forgetting an exam.

      • Capitalize titles, verb tense, avoid “etc.”-like lists; According to a study performed by professor Heather A. Butler, critical thinkers experienced fewer negative life events such as having debt, forgetting an exam, and so on.

Not only is critical thinking a significant skill for the future, but it can also be improved if lacking, whereas intelligence is mainly predetermined by genetics.

      • Comma, “PREdominantly PREdeteremined” is odd diction; Not only is critical thinking a significant skill for the future but it can also be improved if lacking, whereas intelligence is predominantly predetermined by genetics.

Therefore, critical think is just as, if not more, important than intelligence.

      • Order of wording; Critical thinking, therefore, is as, if not more, important than intelligence\


The Difference Between Critical Thinking and Intelligence

Intelligent people might do dumb things from time to time. Intelligence, which is typically measure by IQ, is different from critical thinking; the latter is the ability to think rationally, and the former is the ability to memorize various things, such as equations and vocabulary. Intelligent people are often assumed to be successful in life, but that is not always the case. According to a study performed by Professor Heather A. Butler, critical thinkers experience fewer negative life events, such as having and forgetting an exam. Not only is critical thinking a significant skill for the future, but it can also be improved if lacking, whereas intelligence is mainly predetermined by genetics. Therefore, critical think is just as, if not more, important than intelligence.


Intelligence Versus Critical Thinking

Intelligent people might do dumb things from time to time. Intelligence, typically measured in IQ, is different from critical thinking as the latter is the ability to think rationally and the former is the ability to memorize equations, vocabulary, and so on. Intelligent people are often mistook to be successful in life, however that is not the case. According to a study performed by professor Heather A. Butler, critical thinkers experienced fewer negative life events such as having debt, forgetting an exam, and so on. Not only is critical thinking a significant skill for the future but it can also be improved if lacking, whereas intelligence is predominantly predetermined by genetics. Critical thinking, therefore, is as, if not more, important than intelligence. SOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-do-smart-people-do-foolish-things/


High Risk of Baldness for Short People

Men who are shorter may have a higher risk of premature hair loss.

An international study of over 200,000 men's genetics was conducted by leadership of the University of Bonn.

Results show that premature hair loss is linked with other illnesses and diseases.

In the study, researchers identified 63 changes in the human chromosome, including a chromosome for short height.

      • Passive voice, wording; In the study, researchers had identified 63 changes in the human chromosome, one of which was short height.

However, premature hair loss only signals increased risk of getting illnesses, therefore short height does not result in an inevitable premature hair loss.

Even then, there is a high change that short people may have premature hair loss.


High Risk of Baldness for Short People

Men who are shorter may have a higher risk of premature hair loss. An international study of over 200,000 men's genetics was conducted by leadership of the University of Bonn. Results show that premature hair loss is linked with other illnesses and diseases. In the study, researchers identified 63 changes in the human chromosome, including a chromosome for short height. However, premature hair loss only signals increased risk of getting illnesses, therefore short height does not result in an inevitable premature hair loss. Even then, there is a high change that short people may have premature hair loss.


High Risk of Baldness for Short People

Men who are shorter may have a higher risk of premature hair loss. An international study of over 200,000 men's genetics was conducted by leadership of the University of Bonn. Results show that premature hair loss is linked with other illnesses and diseases. In the study, researchers had identified 63 changes in the human chromosome, one of which was short height. However, premature hair loss only signals increased risk of getting illnesses, therefore short height does not result in an inevitable premature hair loss. Even then, there is a high change that short people may have premature hair loss. SOURCE: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/03/170308084034.htm